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Original poster

Split 2 or 3 ways?

17 replies

natura · 13/10/2023 12:25

Just been chatting to DP about something and we can both see the argument for both options, so I'm interested to know how you'd all think about this!

DSS (17) has a sports competition overseas next month. DP is going with him, so he's booking flights, an Airbnb, and a hire car.

DSS's friend has also qualified. His mum can't go, so DP has said he can travel with them. They'll all be in one Airbnb, with 2 bedrooms and a sofa bed which DP would have booked whether the friend was coming or not.

Would you split the shared costs half and half, or have the friend's mum pay for a third?

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 13/10/2023 12:27

If someone else was taking my kid I'd offer them half the transport and accommodation, and maybe buy a meal as a thank you.

SecondUsername4me · 13/10/2023 12:29

The other family should fund the full cost of the flights for their dc and any spending money / pay their way for their food.

If it was me I'd not ask for anything for the accom or car if I was having the same stuff regardless if they came along or not. But if I was the other kids parent I'd anticipate being asked to pay a third of these.

Half and half is greedy fuckery!

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 13/10/2023 12:30

Do you mean the friend's Mum pays either a half or a third?

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 13/10/2023 12:31

Half and half is greedy fuckery!

This ^

CrotchetyQuaver · 13/10/2023 12:53

Who will be on the sofa bed, dad?
I think 1/2 the air b&b cost is fair in the circumstances - I am assuming that will include some food as well.

Boy pays his own flight and share of meals out and gets the benefit of the dads support and ferrying about. I think that's a fair deal for the other boys parents who can't take him themselves.

Original poster
natura · 13/10/2023 13:08

@CrotchetyQuaver they'll figure out sleeping arrangements when they get there – DP's recovering from a back injury so it'll be whichever mattress (or potentially even the floor) is least likely to leave him in a spasm!

OP posts:
Original poster
natura · 13/10/2023 13:16

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 13/10/2023 12:31

Half and half is greedy fuckery!

This ^

That's interesting – the friend's mum is actually the one pushing for half and half because, in her words, "if it weren't for you he wouldn't be going at all, and if I was going with him I'd be paying everything in full."

I think perhaps she sees half and half as being less about the number of people in cold figures, and more about what her other options would be if it weren't for DP offering.

OP posts:
sillymd · 13/10/2023 13:18

No you deff don't even charge for the accommodation especially given your comment about your poor dps back, deciding when you get there is code for you expect the friend to be on the sofa

Opportunistic and greedy

If you want this friendship to continue then just accept you needed the accom regardless and not only that but the friend had NO choice or say in the cost of the accom so you can't expect them to pay

You pay it all.

Original poster
natura · 13/10/2023 13:24

sillymd · 13/10/2023 13:18

No you deff don't even charge for the accommodation especially given your comment about your poor dps back, deciding when you get there is code for you expect the friend to be on the sofa

Opportunistic and greedy

If you want this friendship to continue then just accept you needed the accom regardless and not only that but the friend had NO choice or say in the cost of the accom so you can't expect them to pay

You pay it all.

Have you actually read the thread?

Who hurt you so badly?

OP posts:
SecondUsername4me · 13/10/2023 14:43

I think perhaps she sees half and half as being less about the number of people in cold figures, and more about what her other options would be if it weren't for DP offering

So because she isn't going, she still foots the full 50% she would have spent for her son, fine, but then your bill is significantly reduced - so you guys would he financially benefitting from her. It just feels wrong.

Any individual costs the lad has (flight, food, spends, events etc) she should make sure he can fund all of that, of course!

But why would you and dp want to make a profit by claiming half of the fixed costs you were already paying (given that none of those costs change with a third person, and the lad is likely to be the one on the sofa bed!)

BarnacleBeasley · 13/10/2023 14:52

People are being a bit weird on here - if I were the friend's mum, I'd offer to pay half too because I'd be so grateful you were taking him, and that your DP was willing to be responsible for him. I'd be pleased you got a cheaper trip out of it so that both parties would benefit. But if I were you, I'd refuse the half and just accept a third of the total cost. I don't think any friendships are going to be lost over this!

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 13/10/2023 15:24

If I would be booking the same accommodation anyway, I would firmly turn down any offer to pay towards it tbh and just expect the friend to pay for own travel, meals etc. I would offer in the friend's mum position though, and if it was turned down, I'd ask DS to make sure he paid for a nice meal or suchlike when away, and buy a gift to say thanks.

Original poster
natura · 13/10/2023 15:24

But why would you and dp want to make a profit by claiming half of the fixed costs you were already paying (given that none of those costs change with a third person, and the lad is likely to be the one on the sofa bed!)

Who said we were trying to make a profit, @SecondUsername4me?

I said she was pushing for the 50:50 while we were assuming she'd pay a third, but we could see both sides of the argument, so I was checking in here on how other people thought about it.

There's literally no drama here, it's just a question!

And why is DSS's friend likely to be on the sofa bed, out of interest?

OP posts:
Original poster
natura · 13/10/2023 15:27

BarnacleBeasley · 13/10/2023 14:52

People are being a bit weird on here - if I were the friend's mum, I'd offer to pay half too because I'd be so grateful you were taking him, and that your DP was willing to be responsible for him. I'd be pleased you got a cheaper trip out of it so that both parties would benefit. But if I were you, I'd refuse the half and just accept a third of the total cost. I don't think any friendships are going to be lost over this!

Thanks, @BarnacleBeasley - this was where we were headed, I just wanted to see how other people might think about it. I forgot this was mumsnet 😂

OP posts:
SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 13/10/2023 15:34

I don't see why the flights should be halved at all. Surely everyone pays for their own flights.

BarnacleBeasley · 13/10/2023 15:37

@SpicedAppleAndFreshCider I don't think anyone is suggesting halving the flights - the OP asked about the 'shared costs'.

SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 13/10/2023 15:48

BarnacleBeasley · 13/10/2023 15:37

@SpicedAppleAndFreshCider I don't think anyone is suggesting halving the flights - the OP asked about the 'shared costs'.

Sorry. Must read more carefully.

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