So sick of children with SN being failed by the system

[elliejjtiny]

I have DC with SN aged between upper primary and college. With the primary aged children we talk at the school gates with other parents of dc who have SN and we share with each other the battle to get a diagnosis, ehcp, any kind of support. Then as the children get older I don't chat to the parents as much but I hear about the children whose parents were begging for support aged 5 now going off the rails. Yesterday my 12 year old told me that one of the boys in his year who went to his primary school has now been arrested for raping a girl. He's 12. I remember his mum desperately trying to get him an ehcp when he was 5. I know this is a generalisation but he's one of those children who needs vast amounts of attention and exercise because if they get bored they get into trouble.

My dc secondary school is really good with their learning support department. They regularly take children out to do farming, gardening, surfing etc. But there isn't the funding to take everyone who needs it and realistically, apart from the occasional extreme circumstances the children with ehcp get to do these things and the ones without an ehcp have to sink or swim. There is a school near me that has a farm on site and they do cross country every morning, milk the cows and basically wear the kids out so they haven't got the energy to get into trouble. But again, it's hard to get a place there. There are so many children who would really benefit from this kind of provision but can't get it.

I know it costs money but I'm sure it costs the state more when these children end up in prison than it would to have given them support when they were younger.

In a lot of ways we are lucky. Dh and I are both trained professionals in the field so we know a fair bit about SN. We can work out that our dc has autism and crack on with supporting them while we wait 3+ years for an official diagnosis. We have me as a SAHM and DH working SE from home at less than minimum wage so that we can be there when needed for the dc. We are broke and most of my clothes have holes in but it's worth it. A lot of parents don't have that option though.

I just despair at the whole system. These children and parents need practical support, appropriate education and prompt diagnosis.

Of course it’s a mess

that said mental health support for children that refuse to engage is also very tricky

i got an ECHP (god knows how !) and now he refuses his tutor and all mental health support

The mass mental health crisis after covid is a big bloody problem
on top of a challenging situation as is

Both my kids were on the sen register and I can tell you that my elder dd would have been incredibly angry being dragged to a farm or surfing, she achieved straight a*'s and A's at GCSEs yet the school system wanted to send her to a different school where she couldn't do exams - I fought and won to keep her in mainstream.

As ridiculous as it sounds on a one off case when you look at the prison population there is a big correlation between undiagnosed/unsupported additional needs and ending up in the judicial system so it’s certainly an issue on a wider scale.

it shouldn’t take parents having to fight through courts and becoming an expert in SEN law for their child to be supported and educated.

i have a watertight ehcp for ds and between that and two fantastic schools he is brilliantly supported. But I had to fight to be able to get that support and funding in place.

I think you used a really bad example - my Ds who has SN’s was very much let down by the school system as he was a minor disruption and us bright so muddled the attention/ money was thrown at the kids creating bigger problems / the every child matters isn’t true.

what I think is happening now is there are so many children with SN’s that aren’t funding it is effecting NT kid’s education on a much larger scale than there has ever been

hear hear

You're right, that probably is an extreme example. But there are other, less extreme ones. Dc2 told me a few weeks ago that "Oliver had a massive meltdown in English today". And I kept thinking I remember Oliver's mum struggling with him in primary school, asking for help and getting nothing.

I know lots of exercise doesn't help all children but my child with potential adhd is a lot calmer and less impulsive when he's had his daily run. And there are lots of children like him. My dc primary school does the "daily mile" where they all run laps round the playground before starting lessons which seems to help some of the children focus more.

It's true that not all children with SN would benefit from farming/surfing. My older 2 boys wouldn't. Dc1 had asd and his main struggle is socialising. For a long time he would go to a different club every lunchtime because he didn't understand the concept of hanging around in a group, chatting with friends. Dc2 also has asd and he is very rigid in his thinking. He finds people breaking rules very triggering (which can be difficult at home because dc3 and dc5 are always doing things they are not supposed to) so he tends to avoid the students who have unpredictable behaviour. He definitely wouldn't want to go surfing with a group of them and he would hate anything that involved missing lessons. He memorises his timetable and dc3's timetable at the beginning of the year and hates when things change. In some ways this can be quite helpful because dc3 is the most forgetful person I know so when he inevitably forgets his log in details for the homework app we just have to ask Dc2 who has memorized all the information either of them could possibly need, plus a load of other stuff like who he sat next to in Science 3 years ago.

I know that raping someone, especially when the person doing it is as young as 12, is very extreme behaviour and he must have problems way beyond what school can help with. And I haven't seen his mum since he was in year 6 so I don't know what help if any, has been put in place in the last 16 months or so. But I do think in general there are a lot of people in prison or struggling with being an adult who would have benefited a lot from more support when they were younger.

It's failing everyone, I think. SEN children who aren't getting the support they need, definitely. That causes stress for them and their families.

Also for children without SEN - inclusion was supposed to help diversity and ensure children see people with SEN/disabilities as part of the community and treat them with respect. If classes are disrupted by SEN children without the right level of support, that nice vision of inclusion isn't going to work - children without SEN will see SEN children as getting in the way of their learning and disruptive.

I'm pretty sure it adds to teachers and TAs leaving the profession as well - TAs I know basically work 1:1 with SEN children to prevent them being disruptive, which is not how it's meant to work and not what they signed up for.

@fearfuloffluff I suspect you are right. Sadly

My own dc have suffered due to this. Have been told to put up with the violence as it can't be helped. Get your head down and carry on working....as chairs and books fly over his head..

what I think is happening now is there are so many children with SN’s that aren’t funding it is effecting NT kid’s education on a much larger scale than there has ever been

I agree. But also the environment that so many children are in (ie school as it currently is) is causing so many children to be diagnosed with SN. Schools are failing ALL children these days pretty much. School is the causing the problem, not the children in it.

You only have to read all the school related threads on here at the moment to see how bad things are.
Underfunding.
Pressure to pass exams/meet targets causing burnout (teachers & pupils).
Draconian uniform rules.
Toilets being locked.
Breaks being scrapped.
Attendance zero tolerance madness
Outdated curriculum
Crumbling buildings.

Totally agree that nt children are being failed as well. My ds2 had a meltdown in maths last week. He was hurting himself, not other people but it was still a disruption and the teacher had to stop teaching and take him to the well being hub.