Feeling overwhelmed - what do you do?

[ThreeRingCircus]

Please be kind as I'm feeling a bit pathetic that I'm so overwhelmed at the moment!

I have two DDs, the youngest just started school and I only work three days a week so thought things would get easier but it just seems more difficult for some reason! I feel ridiculous as I know other mums out there are working full time but my head just feels so full of stuff for the first time ever I'm starting to feel overwhelmed.

Work is busy and takes up a lot of headspace. It's quite full on dealing with people and I have to be super professional. I have a great team and they're very flexible, I work hybrid in the office and from home.

DDs stuff just feels neverending. Constant emails from school, helping with homework, helping on the school PTA (as I work part time I want to help out and do technically have the time but it's another thing to do.) On the days I don't work I pick DDs up from school and take them to clubs (swimming for both and then DD1 does Brownies.)

I have a good group of friends, a couple of different groups and they like going out socially so I seem to have a dinner out or drinks at a weekend nearly every week. I love seeing them and want to maintain friendships but I've felt myself pulling back recently as I honestly just feel like I want to be at home watching TV under a blanket! I'm quite introverted naturally but I do like going out and seeing people, I just seem to need time to recover after I've done something social.

I felt like I'd have more time to myself or to do other things like volunteering on my days off. I had plans to help out with reading at DDs' school but the days seem to fly by with life admin. Cleaning, laundry, food shopping, running errands and suddenly it's time for the school run again. DH is great, really hands on with the children and house and fully pulls his weight but I work fewer hours than he does so I do take on the bigger share of housework and try to be busy getting stuff sorted on my days off which I feel is fair. He says I need to put less pressure on myself but my head just feels constantly full of stuff, loads of it mundane like "those library books need returning, it's PE for DD2 tomorrow, I need to buy something to donate to the school raffle."

Constant WhatsApp groups for friends, family etc with my phone pinging. I love these people and want to stay up to date with them but I find myself just not looking at messages as I don't feel I have the headspace for it. I didn't used to be like this, would always message back quickly and this was when I was objectively busier with DD2 at home so I don't know what's going on with me.

All of what I'm describing is just normal family life so I'm fully aware I probably sound ridiculous. I've got it a lot easier than many others with a great network, DH is brilliant, working part time with kids at school so I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. My head just feels full and I feel exhausted with it all.

Do other people feel like this even when they seemingly are handling it all brilliantly? What do other people do when they start to feel overwhelmed with the usual life stuff? I'd really appreciate some advice or even a "pull yourself together" talking to.

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to write it down and get it out of my head!

What I'd say is get anything you can out of your head and in a electronic calendar - I have one on my phone synced with computer. Set calendar events with alerts, so that you don't feel you have to remember when PE day is.

Also allow yourself to let some things slide. People will have to be patient with you replying slowly when you have two young kids. Library books can be renewed rather than returned instantly on time. Donating to a school raffle is lovely but optional. When I was at school it was only retired grannies who helped out with reading.

Please don't feel ridiculous, you are not. Also just because you work part-time doesn't mean it can't all just be 'a bit much' sometimes. It's hard with kids and it also can depend on what job you do too as some jobs even part-time can be really stressful. Definitely say no to things when you aren't up to it. People will understand.

Yes agree 100/% with everything you say!

I go through phases of being overwhelmed and then other days it's ok.

What helps;

Online calendar
Grocery deliveries
Blocking out time for rest during the day
Lift sharing to activities
Gousto
2 x week exercise sessions during the day
Setting expectations with others
Keeping weekends free ish
Being part of a team for pta/community stuff but not taking it on alone.

I find it so so much more full on working and kids in primary. I have three though and absolutely no family support but a great dh. I work part-time but tbh it isn’t really as constant emails outside of work hours , I also work around the kids so im there for pick ups but I’m in Ireland and schools here are finished early and v v long holidays . I’m lucky as I’m in education, I don’t know how others do it with multiple kids … and especially for those without support .
I’ve to help with homework, two of my dcs struggle a lot academically so it’s so important to be there for them . I think there’s far too much contact and requests off parents these days tbh . My kids do activities ( I am actually really not into loads of extra curricular stuff as vast majority of teenagers give up stuff anyway …..) but my kids are v v high energy so need to burn it up and they love sports and it’s great for mental health and physical health.
I actually feel a bit crap as I find the “golden years “ (primary) harder than I thought and I’m baffled by the “it gets easier when they are in school, finally a break “ well no , as most people are working . I want to be there for my children too and listen to them and not rush . I found when they were younger it was more simplistic and slow paced but I’m working more now . My work is very intense , v interesting but absolutely not a break ..
Theres so many more demands of parents , the workload has vastly increased since they were small , hugely . Washing , cooking etc . I don’t have much of a social life tbh so at lease now they are older we can chill a bit at weekends .

I feel like this and I’m on mat leave. I actually don’t know how I’m going to function when I go back to work in a couple of weeks!

Turn off notifications for group chats. If someone actually wants to talk to you they can msg you directly.
Give up the PTA stuff.
Hire a cleaner if poss.
Online food shop.
20 min max for homework.
Do you have anyone else who could do a pickup/take kids to clubs once a week?

Everyone has been here but for the love of god turn off your phone notifications

I deliberately simplified my life about ten years ago, never looked back.

You can ditch the PTA, reduce your social life a bit, mute WhatsApp.

Modern life is mad, but much of it is optional.

Completely understand.
I have two young teens and work full-time as does DP.
My teens do the very minimum they can with regards to general life and I still find myself packing school bags, folding uniforms, running around for lost PE socks and finding letters in pockets about needed cooking ingredients the day before the lesson!
Constant group chat notifications from work and online tasks that need completing.
Friends have drifted as they think I'm just not interested in meeting up and a couple of them just don't understand I can't find the time for a quick coffee as when I get home from work I essentially have another job as mother/servant/chauffer and general front of house.
No advice (apart from encourage independence in your dc as they grow-as I'm sure you do). Just a show of solidarity.
You're not alone.

You're trying to do too much.

I'm a single parent. I WFH full time. My job is pretty full on and I need time to decompress after it. I have two primary aged kids, one of whom is autistic. By the time he's done school, he just wants to come home and unwind. We do relaxed things together in the evening after tea. I exercise when they're in bed.

I tried to do more and failed because we were all too overwhelmed and frazzled. Lockdown showed me how much happier we all were as a family (was still with their dad then) without all of the expectations to 'do things'. I've kept it that way since.

Ditch the PTA and idea of reading in school.
Tbh I worked full time from my kids being tiny and unfortunately it is just bloody hard work!
There is no magic formula to make it easier, it just has to be done. I think once you reach a level of acceptance its easier.
If you are really struggling knock some of the kids extra curriculars on the head for a year or two.

I agree with a lot of previous posters on cutting down, except sometimes I think there can be some wisdom in adding too.

For example, I recently went from PT to FT work, and I oddly find it easier (although I did switch jobs at the same time). Part-time jobs are sometimes a case of doing a full-time workload in fewer days - which is utterly exhausting. And I hated the feeling of having spent my day off cooking, cleaning, doing admin or errands - I just found it unfulfilling, and somehow that stuff still gets done (to a vaguely acceptable level, at least). Plus you've got more money for childcare!

The other additive type thing, is stuff you enjoy that gives you energy and is the sparkle that stops life feeling like a never ending, boring treadmill. The instinct is to give this stuff up when you feel like you're short on time, but then you just end up relentlessly doing stuff you don't enjoy. If you can wrangle it, something that happens regularly and is out of the house is great, e.g. "Every Thurs eve I sing in a choir".

Honestly I didn't expect so many nice messages, thank you all.... you've made me feel less mad and alone.

Unfortunately I don't have anyone else to take DDs to clubs, DH is working at those times and we don't have any family close by. So when DD1 has Brownies I bring DD2 along with me then we sit in the car and do her reading homework while DD1 is inside the Brownie hut. It's that sort of multi tasking that I think is making me feel like I can never just switch off.

I definitely need to turn off my phone notifications, that is a good idea as it's always pinging messages at me and I end up feeling like my bloody phone is just one more thing harassing me for stuff. I will get those WhatsApp chats muted.

I'm really finding primary school far more hassle than when they were at nursery. Yesterday there were five separate emails from school, each with a request e.g. fill in the consent form for flu vaccinations, DD1 has homework I need to submit online via the school app, DD2 has to do some baking and upload a photo, raffle donations, can some parents please volunteer with the school trip to an aquarium etc.

Work is a weird one, I sort of get how working more would in one way be easier. I'm always playing catch up as the emails build up until I'm back and a lot of my job involves supporting other people which can be hard to not bring home with me. I just feel like everyone needs something from me and I want to be left alone.

You're right I probably need to step back a bit from it and learn what's necessary and what isn't. I need to prioritise looking after myself as well, eating better and getting some exercise in. It's hard as it feels like one more chore but I think it would perhaps make me feel better.

Take a step back and give yourself more you time. Your friends will understand x