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Original poster

Question for godparents

22 replies

FourStringsNoWaiting · 11/10/2023 10:19

If you have godchildren, do you do anything for their birthdays?

My DD recently turned 4, she has 6 godparents. 2 remembered (married couple and also family members), the other 4 forgot. I got a text from the family members acknowledging her birthday which I read to DD and she appreciated it but the others haven't mentioned it at all

I understand cards and presents may be beyond some people financially at the moment so there's no expectation there but not even a message, which would take 30 seconds and cost basically nothing?

I don't have any godchildren of my own so I don't know what's 'normal'

Are my expectations too high?

OP posts:
LucyAnnTrent · 11/10/2023 11:23

I do acknowledge godchildren's birthdays (and Christmas) with a card and a present, until they are about 18. I think this is normal.

I have found with my own children that their godmothers/married godfathers are more likely to remember birthdays. The single godfathers always seem to forget!

Fifthtimelucky · 11/10/2023 11:24

I'm not a Godparent but my children have three each.

When the children were younger all 6 were very good at remembering birthdays and Christmas (both for their Godchild and for the other sibling).

With most of them that tailed off a bit when the children were in their teens. One Godparent stopped when they were 21 and one carried on after that and only stopped because I asked them to (children in mid-twenties)!

4 of the godparents had their own children and I bought presents for their children until 18, sometimes individually but often at Christmas a joint present like a family game.

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2023 11:28

I think 6 Godparents is ridiculous and excessive.

I remember one of my Godchildren's birthdays religiously. He is the child of a single mum without much family.

The other Godchild, I'm hit and miss remembering.

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Whataretheodds · 11/10/2023 11:30

Do you mark the birthdays of the 6 godparents?

(I don't have any, my godchildren are also close relatives so it's all covered)

Original poster
FourStringsNoWaiting · 11/10/2023 11:35

Whataretheodds · 11/10/2023 11:30

Do you mark the birthdays of the 6 godparents?

(I don't have any, my godchildren are also close relatives so it's all covered)

I don't always get to see them as some of them don't live locally but I do send a card

OP posts:
cptartapp · 11/10/2023 11:36

They're my close friend's DC so I would buy for them anyway until they turn 18. After that, no. I don't text them either.
The godparents of our DC that are not family don't buy for them or text them. I wouldn't expect them to.
It's a bit meaningless IMO. Most people agree to it out of politeness.

Original poster
FourStringsNoWaiting · 11/10/2023 11:37

Dacadactyl · 11/10/2023 11:28

I think 6 Godparents is ridiculous and excessive.

I remember one of my Godchildren's birthdays religiously. He is the child of a single mum without much family.

The other Godchild, I'm hit and miss remembering.

We're lucky enough to have so many friends whom we felt would be suitable for the role that we couldn't narrow it down. Our eldest is the result of multiple rounds of fertility treatment and we didn't know if we'd be able to have a second child, meaning if we didn't ask these friends to be godparents to our eldest we might not get another chance

OP posts:
Original poster
FourStringsNoWaiting · 11/10/2023 11:43

cptartapp · 11/10/2023 11:36

They're my close friend's DC so I would buy for them anyway until they turn 18. After that, no. I don't text them either.
The godparents of our DC that are not family don't buy for them or text them. I wouldn't expect them to.
It's a bit meaningless IMO. Most people agree to it out of politeness.

We're practicing Christians, as are the godparents, so it has real significance for us. I can see how it might be a bit meaningless for people who aren't Christian though so that makes complete sense

OP posts:
HoHoHoliday · 11/10/2023 12:06

I think it depends on what sort of relationship you have created between godparent and child. I have two godchildren, and although I'm not religious I accepted the invitation with pride, intending to play an active role in each child's life, being a positive role model, etc.

With one, the relationship has waned as whenever I made an effort to see them (the child, and the parents) they were busy, never really had time themselves to see me which made it impossible for me to build any relationship with the child, who is now early teens and barely knows me. I refuse to just be a gift-giver so I no longer bother.

With the other, I see them whenever I can and spend quality time with both the family and also with the godchild. I give birthday and Christmas gifts that I know the child will love because I know them. Although I am not very nearby I play an active part in this child's life.

So I suppose my point is to manage your expectations around what you want. If you only want gifts then your expectations are too high, if you wanted an active godparent and they are not stepping up then you're right to be disappointed.

NnarcissaMalfoy · 11/10/2023 12:12

There might be a sort of diffusion of responsibility effect as there are 6 of them, ie they each don't think they need to make an effort as the others will? Perhaps- just guessing. My dc just has one godmother and one godfather- neither have children of their own (might be an important factor as parents tend to have a lot on their mind with their own kids) and both remember the birthday and get gifts.

TheOccupier · 11/10/2023 12:20

I have several godchildren, I do birthday and Christmas presents, attend family celebrations, school events, concerts etc, spend time with the ones who live near me, and keep in regular contact with the ones who don't.

However, six godparents is excessive. The point is to have adults outside the immediate family who can be a really special person for the child. Six is too many for that. Honestly, if I were one of 6 godparents to any of mine, I'd be less inclined to bother. Just seems a bit OTT and grabby to me (yes, I did read your post with your reasons).

adriftabroad · 11/10/2023 12:23

Just significant things.

adriftabroad · 11/10/2023 12:25

and agree, 6 godparents is crazy.

Raineverywhere · 11/10/2023 12:28

In our family godparents are close family anyway so tend to remember birthdays etc. There are never more than two godparents (godmother and godfather) per child (Catholic).
I do find I tend to give my godchild a little more than other nieces and nephews in terms of birthday presents, but there are other reasons for this too in my case.
At Baptism/ First Communion/Confirmation time it is usual for a godparent to give a somewhat larger gift than other aunts or uncles. But that's just a custom not a requirement obviously.

Hbh17 · 11/10/2023 12:29

Birthday & Xmas presents until they are 18, plus a present at 21. (4 kids in total, in 2 families).
Regular contact, ie cards, letters, visits. Took both the girls on overnight theatre trips to London. Watched the boys play rugby etc etc.
With the child whose mother is my best friend, I had a direct debit to pay £25 per month into her savings account, from birth to age 18. We were also named as her legal guardians in case of the deaths of both parents. These children (now adults) were & are close to me.

SM4713 · 11/10/2023 12:49

I have 2 godchildren. 1 in the UK and another abroad. Both are 2nd cousins children and both have 2 siblings each. I have given both birthday and Christmas presents for the godchildren AND their siblings. This amounts to 12 gifts a year! I have no idea if this is the norm, but it just felt odd giving 1 child a gift and not the others.

The ones abroad, I'd been sending cash/giftcards/vouchers to. One godchild was 18 last year, so I gave a larger, cash amount than usual. He has never thanked me for any gifts, not even on FB or a quick text- so I'm done. I might send a card for his 21st, but no further monetary gifts from me.

I can't have children myself, so no idea what the norm is either.

Whataretheodds · 11/10/2023 15:06

We're practicing Christians, as are the godparents, so it has real significance for us. I can see how it might be a bit meaningless for people who aren't Christian though so that makes complete sense

That meaning isn't about presents though. It's about a presence and guiding hand in the child's life, and supporting you the parents in bringing the child up in Christianity, not just buying them stuff.

Ormally · 11/10/2023 17:30

It's remembering the birthdays that is often tricky.
Yes, I would mark both Christmas and birthdays, but to be able to connect with them it does tend to depend on being able to plan outings and calls etc with the parents as well, until they are about 16.

theduchessofspork · 11/10/2023 17:33

I send a present, and usually a card

I do have years when I forget 😬

But I send good presents generally..

Really when you cast godparents you have to pick people who you think want to be de facto aunts/uncles, or actual aunts/uncles, because it’s pretty normal to never see them after the Christening

Ragwort · 11/10/2023 17:34

My Godmother still sends me a cheque (yes !) every birthday and Christmas .. I am 65 Grin ... I haven't even seen her for a few years.

My DC's Godparents mostly sent cards and small gifts until early teens, one Godparent is particularly good at keeping in touch with him, my DS is now an adult and they have a good relationship.

theduchessofspork · 11/10/2023 17:34

FourStringsNoWaiting · 11/10/2023 11:43

We're practicing Christians, as are the godparents, so it has real significance for us. I can see how it might be a bit meaningless for people who aren't Christian though so that makes complete sense

Show quote history

I don’t think that’s is it.

It’s mostly being a significant interested adult in a child’s life, like an aunt.

Toddlerteaplease · 11/10/2023 17:35

I've not seen two of my godsons in years. I don't do anything for the other one as don't see much of her either.

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