Feeling really disconnected from pregnancy

[user9156]

I'm really concerned about the way I'm feeling and I don't know who to speak to in real life as I'm worried about being judged.

I am 20 weeks pregnant with my second child and I am feeling really disconnected from my unborn baby. It was not a planned pregnancy, but we didn't feel like termination was an option so we stuck with it. Ultimately we did want a sibling for our first but perhaps we would have liked to wait another couple of years. Before I fell pregnant I did like the idea of another child but now it's come down to it, actually I'm not so sure anymore.

Family & friends around me are really excited but I just don't feel that whatsoever. I remember how difficult the newborn and early stages were and it fills me with dread. We've just got to a point in life where things were becoming easier (DS in full time school, we have a great routine etc) and now that will be basically be going out of the window to start again.

I'm struggling to imagine how I am going to love another child. My DS is absolutely the centre of my world and I feel terrible that I'll have to share my attention between him and a tiny baby.

Sorry I'm probably rambling but as I mentioned I haven't spoken to anybody IRL for fear of being judged. Should I speak to somebody? I'm worried that these feelings will carry on until after the birth and may develop into PND.

Advice please?

You probably should talk to your midwife

It’s not unusual to wonder how you can love number 2 as you live number 1 - but you do. They are different characters and you love them for who they are.
I think it’s not unusual to recall the early birth days and to worry - but this time you are prepared. Don’t put pressure on yourself to have everything perfect and enjoy being with number 2 whilst number 1 is at school
Your routine will change for a bit but a new family routine will emerge

Your thoughts are not unusual - and it’s probably good to share with your midwife
All the best for your pregnancy and the arrival of your little one

@Restinggoddess I'm worried that people will think I'm a bad mum

I'm no medical professional, but from what I've heard from the people around me, feelings of disconnection are not unusual.

I think you should follow Restinggoddess's advice above, which sounds very sensible. Just to be careful and get reassurance from someone who is very family with pregnancy, mention how you're feeling to your midwife and if you don't get much of a response, maybe make an appointment with your GP.

The thing is, the baby isn't here yet and as you said, you'll be very occupied with the child you already have! It's just not the same situation as you were in with your first pregnancy.

I agree with Restinggoddess that you should stop worrying. Once the baby is here, you'll adjust! Maybe your brain is going into overdrive as a way of preparing for the adjustment.

Honestly, the professionals have heard it all. I would not worry about that.

Definitely speak to your midwife. I've read other posts on here from women who felt similarly and then were blown away by how it was possible to feel about number 2.
We've just got to a point in life where things were becoming easier (DS in full time school, we have a great routine etc) and now that will be basically be going out of the window to start again.

Well the great news is that you've shortened the window of time before life becomes easier significantly by having number 2 sooner rather than later.

Have you had your anomaly scan yet?

I think all the things you are feeling are quite common, but if they are overwhelming you then talk to your midwife.

If it helps at all, I was terrified about having my second, I had ppd with my first and I remember crying to my sister that I was so scared of feeling like that again. In reality my second has been a very different experience and I love both of them so much. It's not the same shock that going from 0-1 children is. You do have enough room in your heart to love both your children because it will double in size x