I’m in a long term relationship and we have a baby. In the early stages of our relationship I said I didn’t want to get married due to issues with my ex (my first child’s dad). Dp respected my wishes despite wanting to be married one day.
As time passed I thought it would be nice if we did marry as I finally felt at peace in a relationship which I’ve never had before. I told Dp around 2 years ago that marriage was on the cards if he wanted it as I’d love to be his wife. He was really happy and we spoke about what wedding location we’d like etc and I mentioned that I’d like a proposal as no man had done anything nice or romantic for me before, I wanted that special memory for myself. All was well.
We began ttc soon after as we both desperately wanted a baby together and with our ages we knew we didn’t have forever. I felt reassured we’d marry after the baby arrived so I didn’t care about the order it was in. We still spoke about it occasionally and he told me it was very important to him that we marry and have a family unit.
Except there has been no hint of an engagement and wedding talk has dropped since. I know we’re distracted with our baby, but I thought having him would have spurred him to propose.
Now I’m at the point where I feel embarrassed to bring up the subject again and also feeling a bit down and stupid that someone who is supposed to love me has no interest in marrying me when it was initially his idea.
I know I’ll be told to propose myself or ask him to arrange a wedding, but this is what I’m struggling with. Having to prompt him to marry me isn’t what I want. I’d rather it happened because he asked me and not that I’d pressured him to or it would feel forced and fake. I don’t know how to ask him to plan a wedding with me without feeling embarrassed and awkward.
there was a day recently where I thought he’d propose. He had a small box that a ring would come in and he gave it to me. It was a lovely pair of earrings, but I felt like shit that I’d mentally prepared for a proposal to find it wasn’t. He knew something was wrong but didn’t ask me, although he probably suspected what was on my mind.
admittedly he had time where he had to accept no marriage for us for me to later change my mind, perhaps he’s now changed his mind or just doesn’t want to marry me anymore. Either way I’m scared to know the truth and worried about why it hasn’t happened yet.
it isn’t financial as he has a lot of savings and I even made it known a £10 ring is more than enough, I don’t care about price or fancy things. I only want a basic registry office with us, our son and parents, not the big white wedding.
I am financially independent and the house is mine to clarify for the incoming questions around this. I want to marry for love not security.
I know in a good relationship you should be open and honest, but I’m finding it hard to know how to word my feelings about this and essentially giving him an ultimatum to tell me what’s causing the delay. Marriage has suddenly become important to me where it wasn’t before and I’ve come to realise if he doesn’t marry me it’s a deal breaker.
What do you think is the best way/wording for me to bring up the subject? Bare in mind I have awful anxiety so this may seem silly and minor to some, but to me this is really difficult all while feel hurt and emotional. Any advice or experiences would be appreciated.