To ask for some motherly advice as I don't have a mum.

[PieceOfRose]

Hello, I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps tonight and stuck in a rut, and i'd normally talk to my mum about these things but unfortunately I can't anymore.

I just feel a bit of a failure, I'm not sure why exactly. I'm almost 30 and I've just had to move out of my lovely flat into a house share as I can no longer afford the rent/bills despite living in a midlands town and earning 30k. I really thought I'd be able to save a deposit on a little house or flat by now but each time something happens I have to take from my savings.

I became single 4 years ago and I haven't met anyone since. Before Covid, I was in a long term relationship and we split up, my ex kept coming back and then leaving again which has knocked my confidence. I was pretty much used for sex between his 'actual' girlfriends. I do go on dating apps, and I'm on a couple but the majority of guys I swipe who seem nice either ghost or are sexual way too quickly (first couple of messages).

I also recently started a new job that is 100% WFH. I left a job i'd been at 4 years for the new position and I thought it was what I wanted (Slight promotion) but now I spend nearly all week alone in my flat and then see friends on the weekends. I do message friends during the day but I can go quite often 5/6 days without seeing another human.

I'd love to have children but was recently diagnosed with PCOS and have periods only once every 6 months or so, and in the past 6 months I've gone from a size 12 to 18. My doctor thinks the rapid weight gain may be PCOS related or insulin resistance. I'm currently dieting and starting saxenda injections this week.

I guess, I'm just sad that my life isn't where I expected it to be. I'm also finding myself jealous of friends who are meeting someone at work or out and about, I'm the last of my friendship group who isn't married/engaged/with child so that feels a bit of a kicker.

I'm guessing I'm looking at advice on how to shake off the rut?

DD was diagnosed with PCOS several years ago, and the weight gain and skin problems really got her down - especially as she was exercising madly and starving herself! She was prescribed Metformin and it has made a massive difference to her - we've got the old DD back!

I also agree that working from home when you live alone is not good for your (or anyone's) mental health.

I am in my 40's and having to sell the house we thought we would retire in as we can't afford to run it anymore (nothing fancy, 3 bed end terraced in the North!) I know it's not the same but I get the 'feeling like a failure thing'. Everyone I know that is still doing 'well' at the moment has a lot of parental support, either with direct monetary gifts or childcare etc. Those of us without support (no matter what age we are!) are seemingly the first to go under.
Definitely change the wfh thing, I can't stand it! It makes me feel groggy and unenthusiastic about pretty much everything.....it's so draining, I have much more energy at the end of a day in the office, probably because I at least get to have a laugh with my colleagues.
I can't give you motherly advice as I am only ten years in front of you but as you are single and free as a bird have a serious look at what you want from life, if you have always dreamed of being a shepherdess on a remote Scottish island put a plan in place and start working towards making it happen, give yourself something to look forward to.

The WFH jobs aren’t for everyone- my friends 20 year old DS is really struggling mentally with his first job as it’s WFH.
I’d look for a new job but in the meantime get out of the house as much as possible.
My mental health crashes when I can’t get out for atleast a walk. I’ve got two dogs to make sure I go out - these are a big commitment- something like Borrow my doggy might work for you if you like dogs?

I’m sending huge hugs OP - I’ve not got my mum, sometimes it’s really tough.
Be proud that you’re doing positive things to change what is not working for you.