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Original poster

5 year old constantly poos pants

27 replies

DanniHag · 09/10/2023 16:23

My son has been toilet trained since before 3, however, while they race to the toilet for a pee, they don't seem to care sitting in poo and don't go to the toilet.

We saw signs it was improving before school but now every day, we are having 2-3 poo "accidents" and seems to be no way getting through to him he needs to go to the toilet - he's pooing himself during school, not telling anyone and he's coming home with a sore bottom.

We are at breaking point, DH and I are constantly arguing about it, we never fought before but its taking its toll on us both.

We have reached out to ERIC and receive the same generic advice we see across the Internet, we have done rewards, we have done big treats if he had no accidents after Xamount if days.
When it happens, I've tried to keep my cool, I've tried talking, I've tried understanding why he doesn't want to go but all he says is "just because" when I ask him why he won't go.
He seems more tuned into TV or toys that it is he ends up entranced in his activities and cqnt seem to get him to realise he needs the toilet. we have tried regular toilet breaks and also removing TV and toys at certain times and still nothings worked.

I'm lost and tired and don't know what to do - I really am at my witts end.

Please tell me anyone who has been in the same situation that it gets better, I need something for my sanity.

OP posts:
Sawaranga · 09/10/2023 16:24

Have you taken him to the GP?

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 09/10/2023 16:28

Go to GP and start keeping a diary

Cattenberg · 09/10/2023 16:38

This can actually happen due to constipation. Some hard poo gets stuck and the child is reluctant to go to the toilet because it’s painful. Then new poo can leak around the blockage. I would definitely see the GP.

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MrsPatrickDempsey · 09/10/2023 16:41

I agree with PP that it sounds like constipation with 'overflow' that he can't control. The key will be treating the constipation and teaching regular bowel movements.

Knivesandforks · 09/10/2023 16:41

Came on to say what @Cattenberg says, at that age it is usually constipation. See gp you need laxido, and up the pears!

SpaceChocolatel · 09/10/2023 16:43

Does/ has he ever used the potty or toilet for poos? Does it only happen when he is engrossed in something? Does he seem to recognise that he needs to poo at all e.g. hide or ask for a nappy?

Agree with others to speak with GP.

KateyCuckoo · 09/10/2023 16:45

Agree it's constipation, see the GP. Very common.

Blessedbethefruitz · 09/10/2023 16:48

We had this for a few months with our 4yo, but it sounds like you might have been struggling for longer? We got him n the movicol promptly and it resolved before school thank goodness. No idea if he was actually constipated but it's something to try.

Costalife · 09/10/2023 16:55

I thought constipation when I read this to

FlossTea · 09/10/2023 16:55

This was my 4 year old for his whole first year at school. We did a 2 week disimpaction regime to clear him out and he's been on a maintenance dose of laxido ever since, it's no quick fix as the bowel can lose tone with chronic constipation and needs time to recover/regain sensations and they need time to start relearning the associations. 6 months later he is in a much more regular pattern, more aware of when he needs to go and generally going on the toilet. For us the key things have been the laxido and a strict toileting plan that is followed at school and home - he has timed toilet sits 20 mins after each meal. He still has occasional accidents (I think due to other things he struggles with around transitioning between activities and noticing what is happening with his body), but he's MUCH better than before. There's a good Facebook group called movicol mummies which has tons of information and advice, the ERIC helpline is great too. GPs don't seem that well informed in my experience, I got much better help from ERIC, Facebook and Bladder and Bowel UK.

Dessertinthedesert · 09/10/2023 16:57

I agree with PP. It very much sounds like constipation. You need to go to the GP.

FlossTea · 09/10/2023 17:03

Also just to add I really relate to being at breaking point! My son's first year at school was so hard because of it, he was very similar, would hide a poo then come home red raw and distressed. Our lives revolved around it and it really started to impact my mental health, at times I found it hard to hide my frustration then would feel so guilty afterwards. It does get better though!! Feel free to DM me if you want :)

Cattenberg · 09/10/2023 17:32

Another thought - if you do need to start disimpaction, your son probably won’t be able to go to school during it, so if I were you, I’d try to get a GP appointment before half-term.

Roselilly36 · 09/10/2023 17:42

Overflow diarrhoea, he can’t help it. See GP and ask for referral to Paediatric Gastroenterologist, it will just go on and on otherwise.

PlumpAndGrump · 09/10/2023 17:55

Sounds familiar.

My son has chronic constipation and has suffered since he was 3.5.The bowel becomes impacted and filled with waste when it isn't emptied for some time and essentially it stretches out. This means that it takes longer to be "full" again which is when he would feel the urge to go to the toilet. This results in a super large poo that is too big to pass without pain so he will avoid. Meanwhile new poo is forming above this impaction and will effectively leak causing these accidents.

Treats for "no accidents" won't help, he can't help it. He needs medication. A high daily dose of laxido (prescribed or bought from pharmacy) for a few days and then a regular maintenance dose for a few months to give his bowel time to shrink back to normal size. The Laxido is a powder you mix with water or juice and the molecules attach to the liquid it's mixed it and carry it straight through the digestive system and into the bowel to soften the stool. It is not a laxative.

To give you an idea, my son is 9 and still needs a daily maintenance dose of laxido or will have a flare up causing sore tummy etc. he has seen a paediatric consultant who says it is fairly common and they will grow out of it.

Didyousaysomethingdarling · 09/10/2023 18:08

Overflow diarrhoea - this happened to our Ds when he started school. I think he was so shy and nervous about going to the toilet it became an issue. We didn’t understand and I’m sad to say it went on for some time before we got to grips with it. Be kind and gentle, have a word with the school and get them to help. It will be ok.

Ivebeentogeorgia · 09/10/2023 18:09

Happened to mine- chronic constipation and needed to be under continence team. Go to gp and ask for a referral- they were so helpful for us

Original poster
DanniHag · 09/10/2023 21:26

Thanks so much for all your comments, I'm feeling a little bit more at ease hearing others stories.

We have taken him to the doctors in the past for the same issue and prescribed movicol but while it helps clear him out, he still wouldn't just up and go to the toilet for poos.

While using his tablet or watching TV, or just playing with toys, it's as if he zones out and relaxes and always has accidents.

I hate myself getting grumpy but this had been going on for 2y now and every now and then we see a possible success that it might be getting better and then suddenly it UTurns and starts all over again
When we speak about it, he claims he knows he's doing it, but I don't think he understands the question.

I am going to speak to the doctors again, I haven't been told about stretching and could explain why he doesn't seen to feel he has to go.
A poster hit the nail on the head that our lives revolve around whether or not they have gone to the toilet, I plan my day making sure he had enough backup clothed or near a facility with a toilet if out and about.

I think fixing the constipation will be needed to be planned during a school holiday so it will give us a bit of time to prepare.

Mentally, I'm shot, I'm worn and fed up but I know it isn't his fault and hopefully will mend eventually, I just have to keep telling myself that it will get better.

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 09/10/2023 22:31

Just another thought, but if hes never been happy to sit on the loo to do a poo, it may be worth considering autism.
My DD was dry through night and went to loo to wee from age of 2 but was 5 before she would do a poo on the loo. Reward charts simply didnt work ( much) later she was diagnised with autism and ive since learnt this isnt uncommon for autistic kids.
One day she just decided by herself to do it and was fine ever since.
Just something to be aware of and consider

endofthelinefinally · 09/10/2023 22:42

Watch the poo nurses video (easy to google). Download the Bristol Stool Chart.
It sounds like it could be impaction with overflow, stretched bowel and associated lack of urge to go.
If you can persuade your gp to request a plain abdominal xray it will be obvious if this is the case.
The poo nurses video explains everything you need to know and is easy to follow.
It takes years to retrain the bowel and the whole family needs to be 100% on board.
There are other conditions it could be, encopresis for example, but you need a proper diagnosis. GPs sometimes aren't very knowledgeable. Some are very good. It can be a bit hit and miss.

PlumpAndGrump · 09/10/2023 22:42

@DanniHag
Movicol and laxido are the same thing. How many does he have at the moment if any?
If it is chronic constipation then to clear the initial blockage you need to go up in 2-4 sachet increments per day over a course of a few days until the bowel is empty and it is basically running straight through him. Nothing solid. For example if you are giving him 2 sachets per day today, he needs 4-6 sachets tomorrow, then 6-8 the next day etc until he is empty basically. Up to a max of 12 for his age. My son is older and has taken up to 16 on occasions (as advised by our doctor)
After that return to a maintenance dose for the next few months/ year or so until he is regular. Definitely go back to your gp and discuss this again if you think this could be the issue.

I would also mention, and this is only from personal experience, that I also have a 6 year old who also gets immersed in games/tv/playing outside etc and will wet himself.
He is autistic with a PDA profile and is also waiting to be assessed for adhd. Sometimes the focus on whatever he is doing is just too much he can't stop and get there in time. He isn't doing it on purpose.

Do you have any other concerns about your sons behaviour, or any social or emotional worries? Not asking you to share them here if so but maybe something else to look into if so, as a PP said this sort of issue isn't uncommon in neurodivergent children.

SollaSollew · 09/10/2023 23:27

My Dd had similar, does he have any other hyper mobility type issues e.g. problems with writing, very flexible motion in his joints, pains in his joints or very blue whites of his eyes? If so it could be EDS which causes a reduction in collagen production which impacts the digestive system.

If it's any consolation she is 10 now and the situation has improved by focussing on her diet and adding a pro biotic. There are still some issues occasionally but we're very aware now and I can reassure you it does not go on forever (no matter how it feels right now!)

Roselilly36 · 10/10/2023 06:31

@DanniHag i can empathise, I felt as the end of my tether when DS was struggling with this, but with the right medication it was under control quickly. The rule of thumb our consultant went by, was one year of medication for every year of constipation. It’s very, very common. Try not to worry, it can be solved easily. Good luck.

Parakeetamol · 10/10/2023 06:35

It's often a dairy allergy causing the constipation so going dairy free could be another thing to try on top of treating constipation in the shorter term

Iizzyb · 10/10/2023 07:06

Ask the GP for a referral to the continence nurse service.

Under NICE guidelines if this isn't sorted within 3 months via GP you should be referred on.

They are brilliant where we live.

You might manage some of it by yourself but much better for everyone if you get some help x