Has your life turned out better than expected?

[chocolateandsunshine]

I have NC for this.
Was having a moment of gratitude yesterday. I'm an immigrant from a non-EU country. Arrived in the UK when I was 17 to study English for a year, fully intending to go back home. My tutor saw something in me that perhaps I didn't myself and suggested I apply to Oxbridge, which I did and got a place. My parents were delighted but in no way able to afford the non-EU student fees (tuition + accommodation was more than £25k per year back then, equivalent to around £50k now). But they were desperate to give me a chance so sold pretty much everything they had--home, car, garage and relocated to a tiny flat on the outskirt of the city.

By year 3 of Uni the money has run out almost completely. I worked every hour of every holiday (the college didn't allow term-time employment), but still there was not enough for living costs or tuition fees. I ended up begging my college to let me graduate without paying the last 2 terms fees, which thankfully they did. I started shoplifting food to survive and stealing money from the cash kitty of the club I was a treasurer of. At one particularly dark point I considered escorting, but thankfully it didn't come to that. The stress on my parents and me was just unimaginable.

Fast forward 20 years and I am now 40. I live in a beautiful European city, have a successful business, a wonderful husband who is my soul mate, 2 children, private schooling for the kids, lots of long haul / short haul travel, mortgage-free house in London, multiple six figure income, seven figure net-worth, great pensions. My children will graduate debt free and will have house deposits saved for them. We give generously to favourite charities and I can support my mum (sadly dad passed away). I will never again have to go hungry or wake up in the night wondering how I can possibly pay all my bills with no income.

Yesterday my car got driven into by a bin truck causing about 10k euro of damage. I was upset about it for about 2 minutes, before calling a garage to tow it away and fix it. Just made me think how much my life has changed for the better and if my 20 year old self knew this, she would have cried!

Anyone else has a happy story about how their life has changed for the better?

Nothing especially exciting, I studied social sciences, then looked for the most well paid graduate job, which turned out to be financial services. It was a bit difficult to get in with a humanities degree and no maths, but I persevered and eventually got onto a grad scheme with an investment bank. After 10 years left to set up a company which provides clinical psychology services. I should add that my husband is also in financial services, so we are a two-wage household.

I often imagine what my 15 year old self would say about my life now. She would be flabbergasted, in the best possible way, and so excited. I have had a lot of luck and privilege in my life but some very tough shit too.

In my early 20s I was pretty miserable, drinking heavily, very unhealthy, lonely, useless with money, and full of unprocessed trauma. Now I'm almost 44, and I feel and look so much better than I did then. Loads of therapy, getting my health and fitness in order, changing to a job that I enjoy, having a great relationship that we both work at, distancing myself from family and shedding some friends have all done wonders for me. Working on yourself can be seriously tough but it's the best work I've ever done

It is inspiring to see how you've managed to sort out so many different important areas of life in a really purposeful way, that shows such skill and determination

'It is inspiring to see how you've managed to sort out so many different important areas of life in a really purposeful way, that shows such skill and determination'

Thanks for such a lovely comment ❤️ it's been bloody tough, but worth every minute

Absolutely, 9 years ago I was in a very abusive marriage, he was controlling, spoke to me in a vile way. I had gained a lot of weight (I was 18/19 stone,

Even when I tried to better myself and go back to college to prep for a nursing degree I was met with vile words of hatred about how I was only doing it to get away from him. When I left him he was 37 stone, an alcoholic, had even spat in my face a few times during arguments. I did 100% of everything. Housework. House admin, the children, schooling the lot. He worked 9-5 and then sat on the same spot on the sofa.

I left him, moved into a rented house as a single parent to three kids doing my degree on benefits. It was a bloody struggle. Some days I didn't eat so the children could,

Fast forward 9 years, I graduated my nursing degree 5 years ago (left the ex during it)I have my dream job as a nicu nurse (all be it very tough) I met my fiance 3 years ago and we are getting married next year. I now weigh 10 stone and feel so much better for it!

We moved in together last year, we are mortgage free (through inheritance) and we have a rental property I manage. I've been able to drop my hours so now work part time. DP works away for 8 weeks at a time then is home 8 weeks. He earns significantly more than me. Earlier this year we went to vegas for a holiday, which never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would do! We have 2 holidays and honeymoon booked for next year, we both drive nice cars and are comfortable financially.

Life is good, my health has taken a turn. Sadly I think it's my job taking its toll on me if I'm honest, but after the wedding I plan on dropping my hours and doing agency instead for a better work life balance

I worked hard to get where I am though. Doing the degree for three/four years as a single parent to three child was probably the hardest time of my life. But I don't regret it for a second

I grew up with alcoholic parents who regularly conducted DV against each other but because we were middle class no one did anything. SA happened and was ignored or normalised. I started self harming at 7 which has continued periodically ever since.

I left at 16, lived in a bedsit and waitressed to pay my way through my alevels. I was a functional alcoholic by 20, something in me snapped and I quit booze (with relapses here and there). Got a degree, got a job, then got married to a functional alcoholic.

Divorced ExH after he left me for another alcoholic. Moved away, went low contact with my toxic parents. Had periods of high activity and then deep depression. Attempted to take my own life several times. Finally diagnosed as bipolar, and got medication that works.

COVID happened in my late 30s and I retrained in that time, started a professional role and met my STDH, had our lovely DD now 10 months.

Now we own our own home, have our lovely daughter, I have a professional role and am also a local councillor. I have friends and support.

I'm grateful every day for how life changed for me, grateful for my family and our lovely unexciting routine life. We aren't well off by Mumsnet measures but gosh I'm so happy and that's all that matters.

Wow you literally had to ensure survival for you and your children! But then also to choose to train to do something so socially important and selfless as NICU nursing.

Good luck to you, you should absolutely do agency nursing for better work / life balance.

Honestly some these replies brought tears to my eyes.

Very interesting thread. Financially, I'm better off then I ever thought I would be but I'm currently signed off work with stress and feeling very, very depressed to the extent I don't feel safe alone at the moment.
I'm marrying the love of my life next yearz have a beautiful daughter and a safe home. If only work wasn't a complete nightmare (they haven't been thebmost pleasant or given much clarity since I've been off) then I would be happy. Instead I'm a pale ghost of a person with cold sores and a stone lighter then I should be.

What I find most impressive in your post (and a few others), is how early you ended up with no support. I always took it as a given that my parents were there for me. But to not have that security, and still dig deep to find love and compassion for oneself is an amazing achievement. Your life now sounds so happy--by mumsnet or any other standard!

How did you build up a multi million business if you don’t mind me asking? It’s great when women can do this, well done!

Sending a hug. Sounds like you already have lots of good things in life, jobs absolutely CAN be sorted out. Do not give up on this front. At the risk of sounding like a massive cliche, but aerobic exercise is clinically proven to be equally as effective as antidepressants, perhaps you could try the NHS "train to 5k" app? Also Russ Harris's book "the happiness trap" is amazing and helped me so much.

Yes. Massively. My DM always pushed hard for us to “do better” than she did, but I think even she’s surprised! And, like you, I enjoy now being able to make her life easier/better. It wasn’t easy, but there were nowhere near the sacrifices that you and your family made op, so go you! Xx

I definitely don't have a multi million business, I wish! My business generates 6-figure profit per year. Our household net worth is made up of fairly standard things (property, ISA savings, share savings and pensions). In total it is a few million. Not all of it is earned--some of it is house price growth and growth in share investments, so just good luck / timing.

The business was built up gradually by bootstrapping (no debt). I initially invested £60k savings into and re-invested profits into marketing and growth.

Nothing like a pushy DM! (I have one of those too:) Good for you!

I'm about to go make dinner / do bedtime routine, but thanks so much for everyone who responded. I will come back tomorrow!

I had a v bad up bring, crime, truancy, social services, care. Left school without a single qualification, not even one CSE, all my own fault, my Mum tried her best.

I went to free evening classes, then tuition free further education, i bought my own home out right, paid an awful lot of higher rate tax, had a family and eventually retired before 60.

At 16 i was pretty much illiterate and had the maths skills that my dog has got.

I'm so glad the state gave me opportunities beyond school, if i was 18 today, i think i'd be stuck, social mobility has def got far worse, amazingly, the Govt that helped me was under Mrs Thatcher!!!

My life is better than I thought but not in such a dramatic way as some people on this thread. I had no thoughts about having a decent career. My career now is amazing and I would not have predicted that I’d be so happy.

As a child/ teen and even into my 20s I had an insanely negative view of relationships as I saw my parents hate each other for a solid decade before they split. I now have a great relationship with my OH who is a lovely man. We have very honest communication and there is no atmosphere at home, which is bliss!

I never thought I’d have a dog (which is a surprise even to me how much I love her.

chocolateandsunshine
Thanks so so much, ah, good life here, really good standard of living, lovely house, space, great neighbours and friends, kids sooooo lucky with the schools they’re in (lovely classes, good friends, rural so tons of space), the family thing just jumps out at me sometimes when I least expect it and sometimes I miss Dublin but yes most can’t afford it! 🙈😅💝

That’s horrific but why not let your family know you are alive and well? Have you thought about the hell they are going through?

Absolutely 1000000%.

TW <abuse>

My brother sexually abused myself and sister growing up. My other brother bullied me at every opportunity. My parents were not the type you could go to about these experiences and were awful when I did tell them about the sexual abuse.

I thought I would never get over the abuse and the rejection and abandonment but I really have and my life is so amazing now. I have a wonderful husband and family. I adore my job. I have nice friends and hobbies. I love my life and I am so grateful for how it has all turned out.

What a great story op, my life has turned out far better than expected and I am trying to make a conscious effort on a daily basis to be thankful for this.

@Myneedycat they know I'm alright now, they just have no idea about the trafficking and homelessness and addiction - I never told them, because they wouldn't want anything to do with me again if they knew that.
I'm in daily contact with them and see them when I can. They just wouldn't cope with the nasty parts and would blame me for it. I can't go through that.

But wouldn’t the money to have invested & bought property come from your business so it’s still bought you multi millions?