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I think peri menopause has killed my people pleasing nature

15 replies

SisterWedge · 08/10/2023 23:17

At the ripe old age of 47 I've suddenly stopped wondering "Am I good enough for them?", and finally ask "Are they good enough for me?"

As a result I've dropped a friend who was "take take take". I ditched my efforts to maintain contact an old friend who clearly wants nothing to do with me and was never worth clinging on to in the first place.

The headspace I've freed up from doing this is amazing!

I can't tell you how significant this is for me. I've had decades of low self esteem. I always thought I had to be grateful for any crumb of friendship. I've tried to hang on to friendships way past their expiry date.

This really is the upside of getting older, I finally know where to give my precious time and where to withdraw it.

OP posts:
bossybloss · 08/10/2023 23:18

Yep! This happened to me and it is so freeing!

justasking111 · 08/10/2023 23:20

Yep it's liberating, but confuses folks around you 😜

DramaAlpaca · 08/10/2023 23:38

Good for you, enjoy it!

The same happened to me, it really is liberating.

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EmmaPaella · 08/10/2023 23:44

I want to be like this!

AWIAANGAF · 08/10/2023 23:48

Me too! The great thing about it is the trash ends up taking itself out because the takers and the toxic don’t like the change so they disappear.

Tarmaced · 08/10/2023 23:52

Yes! After years of bending over backwards to please everyone, I now just say 'NO'!

I know for a fact people are shocked at the change in me but who cares! Not me, that's for sure.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 09/10/2023 00:14

Me too op!!!

IdaPrentice · 09/10/2023 00:16

Watch out, people will start calling you a Karen (i.e. mature woman who's stopped being a people pleaser and now doesn't take any shit).

Babymamamama · 09/10/2023 00:29

It’s amazing isn’t it? So liberating. I’ve taken to not contacting people to arrange anything social. At all. Leave them to reach out first and .... those who don’t.... arriverderci. Really sorts the wheat from the chaff.

Oh and that would be a firm no thanks to invites to pub, karaoke, large gatherings etc etc. All the things I used to enjoy. Now I feel I’ve been freed to please myself in every sense.

Brocollimatilda · 09/10/2023 02:37

Yes!! It is such a positive. I am loving it.

Californiabound · 09/10/2023 02:41

I'm 42 and tbh think I might be too cynical.

TheSandgroper · 09/10/2023 02:45

The fucks that you had to give have fucked off to the far side of fuck and then fucked off some more.

Would that be right? Welcome to the other side.

movedonfromsmithy · 09/10/2023 02:56

Totally with you!

I have stopped caring, its as simple as that.
I've been taken advantage of, used, abused and treated like dog shite all my life, but now, at 48, and in full peri ((WHERE THE F IS MY PERIOD)) i just couldn't care less! Of course i still care about (some of) my family, but everyone else, can go fuck themselves!

Only thing is, i am still that person who apologises at least 83 times when they're out, even if someone hits me with a trolley for example, i say sorry.... so apart from them, everyone can fuck off!

unkownone · 09/10/2023 03:01

I'm the same..but maybe too far. I don't want to be with my family or hubbys family i pretty much am over everyone lol. I've said i'd love to live in the mountains with no one around me! Our little family of 4 i love to bits but everyone else i'm struggling to be around. I hate people at the moment.

Allschoolsareartschools · 09/10/2023 03:19

Me too & it's great.
I dumped my sils after years of trying & getting not much in response, the relief was great & I only regret it took me so many years. They're dh's responsibility now.

I finally accepted I will never have the relationship I wanted with my dm & keep contact minimal & I feel absolutely fine about that.

I stopped going to anything that I felt I should, especially work things. I started working my hours & no more.

I've got a small group of people that really matter to me & everyone else can stuff it.

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