How to Trick or Treat?

[DappledThings]

I have never been Trick or Treating. It wasn't a thing when I was growing up, nobody did it. I'm not Scottish, Irish or American and have no frame of reference for it other than TV and films.

DC have asked for a couple of years and I've refused (because it's weird to me. Because I have no experience of it and I never expected it to become so big that it would be something their friends were doing).

However this year DD has been invited to a Halloween themed birthday party after school on the day with the expectation they all head out afterwards so I can't really just take her home when all her friends are going.

So what do you actually do? Only knock at housed with lights/decorations. And then just literally "say Trick or Treat?" and get sweets? Is there other etiquette? Does anyone else do it and feel really uncomfortable about the whole thing?

No, I specifically preempted any accusations by anyone of it being an American import by twice referencing Celtic traditions.

I understand where you’re coming from OP. It is a bit weird the first year but it’s usually a lovely atmosphere. As PP’s have said, the kids dress up, you can if you want to but it’s also perfectly fine for accompanying adults not to. Only approach the houses that are decorated, knock on the door, say ‘Happy Halloween’ take one sweet, stick it in your bucket.

Remember that the decorated houses mean those people actually want to actively take part and want to be ‘knocked’. Where we live, there are so many groups of little ghosts/monsters/skeletons wandering about, that in the peak 5-7pm hours houses taking part rarely have their doors shut as they have a constant stream wandering up their paths, so there isn’t any too much ‘knocking’ to be done! It’s great fun!

We say hello and happy Halloween, not trick or treat. The trick or treat is outdated as it’s only treats nowadays!

it’s genuinely lovely. If you feel weird about it remember the people who decorate are inviting and expecting visitors! Sometimes people who decorate are out trick and treating themselves, in my area they leave sweets on the doorstep for collection while they do that. We find it a lovely way to meet our neighbours and I can see it brings real joy to some older people to give sweets to the kids. We’re super polite. Go early when it starts getting dark - later on if people have run out or want to go to bed round my way they’ll turn off their lights/ blow out the candles in the pumpkin. Have fun!

I was unsure too when we first had children, but after a couple of years got into it.

Absolutely dress up.
Absolutely only to decorated houses.
Absolutely teach them to take one sweet unless indicated otherwise, and to say thank you.
Absolutely teach them never to say 'I don't like that'.

Giant groups are less good than groups of 4-6 in my opinion.

I'm in Scotland and the kids tell a joke or sing a song or do a poem to get their sweets. We used to make up a wee bag with a few sweets/crisps and give them out. My kids are older now so we don't really do it any more.

DS, aged five, was once given a large box of Ferraro Rocher by an elderly woman who was so charmed by him as a tiny blonde vampire. This was on an unlit lane in a village so I only realised what it was minutes later when DS handed it to me so he could check out the Haribo level in his bag!

I have very affectionate memories of Halloween in the midlands village we lived in till DS was 7. The shop and pub would decorate (the pub used to dress up skeletons and have them sitting at the bar and have apple-bobbing etc in the garden, and do hot chocolate for children and mulled cider for accompanying adults), and lots of people went to huge efforts to decorate their houses, and often dressed up themselves.

Here they still always say "trick or treat", then after being offered and choosing a sweet it's "thank you, Happy Hallowe'en" and "Happy Hallowe'en" back from the giver.

I get you OP. When I was a child in the 80s it was a thing, but not nearly as big, and I wasn't allowed to go as my mother didn't approve of knocking people's doors and asking for sweets! Or accepting sweets from strangers. And put like that nor do I really! And it didn't really bother me as not everyone did it. And then as a young adult with no kids and definitely no decorations up I lived in the kind if area where you'd occasionally get teenagers who hasn't really dressed up knocking and it felt slightly intimidating.

But like you when we had kids, and also by then lived in a nicer village, I started to see the fun social side of it and also not want my kids left out as most young kids do it, so we do it now if we're not away or anything. I still feel weird doing it though, because I was brought up not to do it.

So we go with slightly stricter rules than some - only houses where we know someone (classmates, friendly neighbours etc) and then only if they've decorated or indicated in conversation they'd like to see us / we know their kids are also trick or treating. And I drum into them to take 1 sweet - I hate the way some kids come and grab fistfuls! I relax the rules slightly if they are with friends eg we'd go to houses they knew too, and last year I reluctantly let my young teen go with her friend where they lived so I didn't know anyone, but it was a family I trusted and they only did decorated houses on her friends estate. If you are going as part of a party you may have to follow their lead a bit anyway.

It's usually fun and friendly and social. And no one round here ever does tricks. But I totally understand why you feel and weird and not sure why other people can't empathise that it is actually a really odd thing to do if you've never done it before!

I've got older children, so it's not a thing for us any more, but it was definitely a thing when I was a child (in Bucks) in the 1980s.

There's no need to be uncomfortable about it, OP. If you go to houses that have a pumpkin or decorations, they have chosen to take part. There is no etiquette beyond: dress up, go to houses that have decorations or houses of people you know, take a sweet that's offered, say thank you. That's it.

We used to call it guising in NE Scotland, were sent round with a lantern (hollowed out turnip with a candle) to houses we knew well (which often meant being dragged into their bloody living room) and had to perform something to get a sweet (or in my gran’s case, a handful of monkey nuts and an orange) - vaguely remember my mum usually tried to find a song that fitted with our costumes… stopped at P7/age 12.

It was one of the things my mum excelled at; Halloween…

I've been doing it since at least 1982 in England! You have all the info above. You can go for 10 minutes or as long as you want. If you live in a big slightly rough city like I do by 8pm a gang of teenagers inevitably come out and start lobbing fireworks and nicking all the sweets so best to go early doors around 6pm.
I love it and am a bit sad my DC are too old now. It's a lovely neighbourly feeling with lots of groups of kids being really excited. Some of the houses make a massive effort.

Thank you to all who have got where I'm coming from. I've been using the Thanks button!

It isn't a huge deal and we are going to do it this year, but this:
I totally understand why you feel weird and not sure why other people can't empathise that it is actually a really odd thing to do if you've never done it before!
does sum it up. First time for everything and lots of things are mildly intimidating the first time.

Oh, one extra rule.
Only ever on 31st October. Never in advance 'because Halloween is a school night'. No one will be ready for you!

Where I live many people decorate inside rather than outside so the kids just wrap any doors. Parents supervise the whole thing. If people answer, great, if not the kids are told to wrap once and move on. No big deal. Most people enjoy it here though and do answer.

in the 80s and 90s we used to sing the song hallowe’ens coming on…. The kids don’t seem to do that any more. It’s a simple trick or treat or happy Halloween

this is done at a decent time then we go back home for some games and fireworks.

Why is the OP getting a hard time? I've lost count of the posts on Halloween threads over the yrs that said "we never did it in my day".

In Scotland it’s called guising. And the kids are expected to tell a joke or something like that in order to get a sweet.

Trick doesn't mean a nasty trick or something, trick means something like a song or a joke. I'm in Ireland, kids usually say trick or treat and older adults will often ask the kids if they have any songs or jokes for them before they give the sweets. Little kids get away with saying happy Halloween but it would somehow be rude to skip the traditional trick or treat question for the 4-8ish year olds doing it.

You could practise by sitting on a busy pavement with a sign stating "Hungry and Homeless

Hope you get some help @Ifailed

It's not some recent American import as you seem to imply OP

She didn't imply that though she rightfully pointed out that's often the narrative on her.

here

By 'decorated' it can just mean a lit pumpkin in the window.

I got my children to learn some Halloween jokes they can say so at least there was a semblance of entertainment transaction in the whole thing.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.

Etc

No it wasn't. Just like everything in life, not everywhere in the UK is exactly the same. I grew up in the 90's, in the West Midlands, and no one did trick or treating around my area. We lived in a large close of families and only myself and 4 friends did it to each others houses. And only because we had seen it on Hocus Pocus. It baffles me how people can't comprehend that other people and other places are different and have different 'traditions'.

I've always thought of Halloween as an American import (although I know it really isn't and had been popular here for decades now,) but trick or treat really did mean trick or treat years ago, kids used to throw eggs at houses or similar if no treats were forthcoming, that is why some older people don't like it. Bring back penny for the guy, I say.

@shiso my comprehension is just fine, thank you. However, just because it wasn't commonplace where you grew up doesn't mean the same is true of other parts of England.