How did you feel after having your last child?

[Justonemore2]

I’ve had my third and final baby, my age and finances have brought that conclusion and I felt like id accepted it and made peace with him being my last as soon as he was born. I just felt complete and done. 2 months on I’m now feeling like I’m not ready to say no more. I know 3 is more than enough, and realistically I know I couldn’t handle anymore or give them equal attention. When my baby grows out of an outfit or does something new I feel sadness that I won’t experience it again. I love pregnancy, birth and the new baby stages. Knowing I’ll never go through it again is hard. Even when I remind myself of the hardships like sleepless nights, stitches, mastitis etc I still feel I could do it again. It doesn’t help my MIL has told us we’re not allowed anymore because she doesn’t want us to and that we need to throw away the newborn clothes. Not that it’s her business but it makes me feel like I’ve no control over my own decisions since she has been interfering. DH agreed with her and doesn’t want anymore, he plans to get the snip (at his mothers request and something we’d never discussed) the finality of it makes me panic. I don’t have PND, I’m enjoying my baby and very happy, but these thoughts pop into my head now and again.
My older 2 children are later into primary age so I had a big age gap before my baby. I definitely wasn’t finished after my second and waited a long time for my third. I’d never felt I was done until my third came so I don’t know why I feel like this again. So I’ve already been through the ‘no more’ stage once before where I begrudgingly accepted I wouldn’t get the chance to have another, this time just feels harder than it did then.
So for those who have had their final baby, whether by choice or not, how did you move past the wanting more stage? It would be interesting to also hear from those who were done but then went on to have another eventually.

Time helps. For a long while I wanted a third and felt SO sad when my second grew, but now I am so, so, so happy that I have two. It’s the perfect number for us as a family.

I agree with the posters who said it will wear off. I was very sad at the thought of not having another when my 2nd was a baby. I couldn't believe that part of my life was over. She is now nearly 5 and just started school, honestly you couldn't pay me enough money to go back to the newborn stage. Turns out 2 was right for us after all but I think its normal to take some time to accept that.

@SnapdragonToadflax “Personally I'm one and done. I was desperate for a child before I got pregnant, now I'm relieved I don't have to do it again. I get the odd pang but it's really nothing, I know it doesn't make any sense for my mental or physical health or our finances or general happiness as a family.”

That’s exactly how I feel as well. I’m really enjoying all of DD’s firsts and giving them my full attention, trying to appreciate each stage (been through newborn, baby, young toddler and now into older toddler) for what it is.

I feel the same, this week I’ve felt so sad looking at the baby clothes and knowing I won’t get that feeling of picking up an outfit in excited anticipation of a new arrival.

But logically I know nostalgia and lovely memories are not the same as wanting to do it again.

Interesting, like you I am on maternity leave with my 3rd and last baby. And my children have / will have no cousins. I know I don't want a fourth baby but I do still find it hard to fully let the idea go. This is my strategy:

1. Not to get rid of all the baby things. 90% of it, yes, but I will hold on to the very best stuff / favourites. I'm telling myself that I will pass it on to a special friend or relative's baby, or maybe onto my own grandchildren (my children have some of my own childhood things!). Of course, that may well turn out to be utter codswallop but I don't see a need to make it harder on myself by facing the hard truth and fully clearing out everything just as soon as I can. I figure when the time is right, it will be easier to get rid of something special, knowing that it's going somewhere special (when the opportunity arises eg a relative having a baby). Or my attachment to some items will fade naturally as they are no longer in use / as relevant.

2. Create some goals / plans for myself that I know I can only achieve by not having another child. Visualise being able to do those things, or have that life, you can only have if you stop having babies!

I think this one can be so tricky because when you are already in the thick of it with young children, you're so busy you can't do a lot, so planning to have another baby almost doesn't feel like it makes a difference. But of course it does! Or rather, it will do. So I'm trying to identify what I'll be able to do in the coming years and really focus on that, get excited about that, look forward to that. I want to, for example, get fit and do park runs with my children / family. I would have to put back that goal by 2-3 years potentially by having an additional baby. Or, I really want to feel settled at work and I know I can get there so much sooner if I don't have another maternity leave. I want to be able to be really involved in helping my children with their schoolwork, so I'm visualising doing that, and there NOT being a screaming baby/toddler getting in the way. Or I want to go on holiday, and do an actual fun, physically demanding activity with my children and husband, with noone having to wait behind with a baby/toddler. My husband and I would one day like to maybe have a dog, it would be nice to be able to do that whilst it's still very exciting and formative for my eldest. Etc. My examples might not work for you but doubtless you can come up with some plans and ideas that are valuable to you, that simply can't happen, or will have to wait or be compromised by another baby.

3. Trying to appreciate that it feels bittersweet because it has been good. I haven't overdone it. It feels like one alternative to feeling this way would be to have so many babies/children that I'm just completely sick of it. But I know I don't want to feel that way. I'm choosing to push away the ice cream bowl before I feel sick, to relish the aftertaste instead of being nauseated and never wanting that flavour ice-cream again!!! I also remind myself, that though I may not be having more babies, more babies are nevertheless entering the world. My family (not siblings, but cousins), my friends, maybe my own children will make them and some of them will be precious and special to me. It's obviously not at all the same as having your own, however it is not true (or very unlikely to be true) that I will never hold or love a special baby again. I just have to bide my time, and enjoy a new different chapter of life in the meanwhile.