Imagine the day from hell

[Dustpantsandbush]

Everything that could go wrong is going wrong, everything you touch just turns to metaphorical shit.
When you get home and close your door how do you react?
I fall to bits, sobbing stressed out, overwhelming feelings of not being able to cope, nausea, anxious, feel out of control. I’ll then spend 24-48 hours constantly replaying everything in my head, wondering why I can’t function as a normal person and not able to believe how incompetent I am.
Im trying to gauge how abnormal I am and if I need to seek more help. I’m on Fluoxetine for depression and having CBT.

Draw yourself a lovely bath have a herbal tea or whatever read a book for a bit or whatever it takes and get some rest (don't know of you're on the UK it's late-ish here). Don't overthink it you're just spiralling that day was awful/ all those stupid doors what a nightmare I'd never have managed it!

OP- regarding the doors and multiple locks- write it down in order! If I'd been shown multiple steps only last week, I personally would have had my pen and paper to write each step down at the time.

'Lock the internal, white door to the office. Pull the XYZ alarmed door shut and set the code, lock the metal fire door the close the ABC door' etc etc!

Thank you, I’ve got my lovely DH with me who is an expert bear hugger and he’s handing them out like sweets tonight. Thanks for your kind comment.

Can relate to the small things building up and the tiniest thing tipping you over. Like the last straw.

I do not in any way want to minimise how you are feeling but is there any chance you are due your period?

Every single month I have a whole day where everything goes wrong, if I'm going to get declined for a job it happens that day, I might fall, drop and break my phone, make a mistake at work, bad trying day with the DC or fallout with DH etc etc. And I just become so frustrated at myself for being so hopeless and useless at everything in life, I literally over think every single moment of the day and how stupid and pointless I am. Then bam the next day I get my period and I can feel some hope again.

I'm not actually sure if it is a bad day or whether it's my reaction to myself that won't let me find any joy in the day at all that's the problem. Now that I'm aware of it I track my cycles and try and avoid anything particularly stressful on that day because I know how overwhelming I'll find it.

With hindsight it was quite a full-on day for you! I've just started a new job and the amount of info you have to absorb is mind-blowing. The person showing you is like meh it's a doddle as they're so used to doing it!

No advice op but just send solidarity as I feel the exact same way. Always such a bloody idiot and feel so stupid. The surprise party and the work alarms thing are exactly the sort of things I’d end up doing. I feel so pathetic and like everyone thinks I’m so stupid. I also manage to have loads of accidents too. I’ve now realised I’m pretty sure I have adhd, maybe it’s something you could look into.

Im sorry, that sounds scary. I witnessed my dad have a stroke and went with him in the ambulance. This year he attempted suicide. Both these events I turned into a robot and there was no emotion in me at all. I hope your baby is ok now.

I was gonna say something about hormones too but from the meno perspective!

DH sounds lovely. You do too.

Yeah you have a lot on your plate take some time for you don't beat yourself up

So one thing went wrong at work but you resolved it and no one died - success
surprise was still a surprise just cottoned on a few minutes before they would have known anyway - bet they still had a lovely time
you drove to your parents, I assume said hi then realised you didn’t have the item. They probably laughed and then you went home - they will get to see to you again soon when you actually get to take the item to them.
You’re home with dh looking after you.

That doesn’t sound so bad. Take a deep breath and think about anything that went well.

This is exactly what I mean!!! WHY didn’t I write it all down?? Why didn’t it even occur to me to not try and just bloody holD it all in my fucking hollow head?!! I could scream at myself.

I definitely have days when there's a glitch in the matrix. Usually, the next day is much better so hopefully yours will be too. If everyday flatlined normality, it would be a bit boring. We need to experience the lows to appreciate the highs.

I wish I could blame an impending period but I’m pretty much like this all time in some way or another. I have a spectrum of fuck ups and today was one of the high end of the spectrum days.

My therapist has said the same. I’ve done an initial screening for ADHD via GP referral but I don’t think I have it. I can identify some traits in myself but lots of others I don’t have. It’s a 4/5 year wait for assessment in my area so unlikely I’ll find out anytime soon.

As do you 😊 thank you.

Op I am so like this also

Some shockers you would not even believe
Going to the airport for work and forgetting to book flight
Going to wrong venue for meeting

Could go on

I'm actually quite able
Oxbridge grad

And very hard on myself
Being so negative did me no favours and some people assume I'm a fool as I am so ditzy

Be kinder to yourself !!!!

Ps I would have no clue about an alarm system
No one would
Ever trust me with that as I would leave and not even close the door behind me let alone put the system on 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

So many kind and understanding comments, thank you everyone. This too shall pass I know it will eventually, until the next time. I’m 40 years old and I honestly don’t know how I’ve kept myself alive for the past 20 years (since I left home) it’s pure fluke that I haven’t fallen down a well, tripped and landed under the wheels of a bus or accidentally driven myself off a cliff in that time. Wonders will never cease.

I am like this too. I have ADHD. It was such a relief to find that out. For me the closing up system would be a complete nightmare- far too many steps.

Re you looking at ADHD- you don’t have to have every aspect. I am a similar age to you and member of Senior Team and very successful in my career. I am great at some things, but my God, give me a system and I can’t do it.

Those of you who are the same; you are my people now. Join me in my weird little cult of fuckedupness we shall fuck up as one.

thats two ADHDers that have commented the same! Maybe I should consider it more seriously, I’m just worried I’m trying to convince myself I have a condition when I most probably don’t and I’m just slow.

Yes, you didn't have a great day, happens to the best of us. Cut yourself some slack, definitely. Tomorrow is a new day, the past, is the past. Don't let what's happened before stick in your mind as it'll end up causing you to make more mistakes (I remember this happening live on my first driving test!).

Definitely use lists more, there's no shame in writing things down. Life is busy and a lot is often going on all at the same time. Lots of people make mistakes, just because they don't all telegraph them, doesn't mean they don't happen. We are all human. We are all imperfect.

Thank you 🙏🏻

Thanks @@Dustpantsandbush still more stuff to go through but getting there. Agree with pp take it easy on yourself. You're saying 'day' from hell,.when you've obviously had a massive cumulative lot.of.stressful things going on. Be good to you.