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Friend Dilemma

2 replies

Fairborn · 07/10/2023 20:07

I wonder if anyone can give me some advice, please! We're all mid 30s, so I feel too old for friendship dilemmas, but here it is.

I work with two good friends. One is a family friend that I have known for many years (friend A), and we are very close. The other (friend B) is newer to our company, but we have become good friends and have children of a similar age. The two friends know and like each other, but they are not particularly close friends with each other, if that makes sense.

I see both friends socially, sometimes together but usually separately. When all three of us are out together, it feels more strained and I feel that I can't talk to either of them like I usually would which makes it awkward. I would much rather see them both separately, but I've started to feel really guilty if I meet the newer friend without inviting Friend A. I feel like I will hurt friend A's feelings if she asks me what I've been up to at the weekend, for example. But equally, if Friend B asks me to do something, I don't feel I can say, "Ok, but is it alright if I also invite Friend A?" every single time.

Am I overthinking this? We both have other groups of friend, but I think this awkwardness comes because these two are sort of friends with each other too. I read things on MN about people feeling left out by friends , and I'd hate to make anyone feel like that or spoil either friendship. Also, I think I'd maybe feel sad if they were meeting up without me, which is ridiculous! What do you think, please?

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 07/10/2023 20:31

There does not seem to be any reason (from what you’ve said) why friend A would be hurt by you hanging out with friend B.

I think you are worrying without good reason. Try not to second guess your actions so much. There does not seem to be any problem here.

Nagado · 08/10/2023 10:29

I think that they are probably both rolling their eyes internally every time you invite the other, but keep it quiet because they love you and they don’t mind each other, even if they’re not destined to become good friends.

Invite both of them out separately, just the two of you. Do it within a day or two of each other so you don’t feel like one has been favourited over the other, then keep on doing that, while inviting them both to group things. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.

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