Two questions about infidelity...

[BridgetJonesAsFuck]

My opinion is a stone cold hard yes to both, but I'm curious as to whether I'm being too black and white. This doesn't concern me personally just settling an inner argument with myself! I am single so to be fair do not have the emotional experience of having exchanged vows.

Scenario. You are married. Presumably happily so. No red flags. No children to consider. Both financially independent. You discover your spouse has been "just" messaging somebody else. Could be a colleague, a neighbour, an acquaintance in a group hobby. Whatever. How attractive they are, how if they (your spouse) was single blah blah, how they are so amazing. Asking how they are still single. The usual textbook flattery. It is absolutely definite that no physical contact has occurred. Not even so much as having a coffee together alone.

Everybody window shops, right? Everybody knows when someone else is hot. You look. But there's looking and there's dangling the carrot... and let's be honest you dangle the carrot because you're hoping they'll take it. There's a crossed line but that line varies from person to person.

1. Do you consider this infidelity?
2. Is this betrayal enough for full blown divorce?

Me too.
People agonise far too much over whether or not their partner shoved bits of himself inside someone else.
Far more useful to ask yourself if they have been loyal and if they have been respectful

The questions you ask really are so subjective. But as you asked.

Is it infidelity, no. Would I trust them again ? no. Would I divorce them ? Yes. For me if trust is binary.

may be for number one
certainly not for number 2

Some individuals may have more tolerance for this kind of behavior than others, depending on their personal values and experiences. What might be a deal-breaker for one person might not be for another.

But if you don't class it as infidelity why would you divorce? I'm just witnessing someone else's experience and trying to place myself in their shoes. I often wonder if I'm far too harsh on this subject so interesting to hear other's opinions 🙂

Having lived through this you're talking about and turned a blind eye to...it absolutely is infidelity and yes, I'd divorce/break-up

I lived through that scenario and did consider it cheating because it was investing emotionally in someone else. I didn't leave that time but he eventually started making it physical too. Then I left.

I agree with @Dotcheck - the disrespect to your partner and emotional involvement with someone else over a period of time (even if no sex involved) is as much if not more of a killer to many a relationship long term than a one night random shag

Agreed.

A one night fuck would still be a deal breaker but far, far less painful

some articles on the website psychology today do suggest that its debated that doing the dance no strings is less hurtful than an emotional affair,

To me infidelity is physical transgression. Don't know why it is this way in my head but it is.

Trust is in my opinion everything. And once that is gone I would divorce.