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Original poster

Does anyone deal with stress really well? What's the secret?

89 replies

2764mice · 07/10/2023 17:34

I made the mistake of opening my work emails this morning and received some news that upset me and has caused me anxiety all day, basically ruined my Saturday, I had to call our EAP for mental health support and speak to several friends /cry down the phone. My work has a lot of responsibility attached to it so all the problems land on my doorstep. I feel like I'm constantly on a emotional rollercoaster. When things are going well, I'm mostly just waiting to the next horror to come round the corner.

Is anyone else dealing with a lot of stress but managing it really well? What's the secret? How can I stop these various crises from getting to me? I hate feeling like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
2764mice · 08/10/2023 14:01

Acinonyx2 · 08/10/2023 13:58

Something that has helped me is realising that I tend to automatically feel obliged to be worried and anxious about stuff - and feel guilty if I'm not. I bet you are like that - you'd feel that you didn't care as much as you should - that you were being cold and unfeeling - if you didn't get stressed and anxious. I get this with the news as well as work. Since I realised this I'm trying to re-condition myself - that it's OK not to be worried - it's not compulsory.

Thank you. That's exactly it. I feel like if I'm not worried then I am not caring, which makes me feel very heartless - like I have this unearned privilege of not caring when others are suffering.

OP posts:
Original poster
2764mice · 08/10/2023 14:02

MissTrip82 · 08/10/2023 09:25

I resuscitate people regularly, including children, and when I fail I have to tell their families. Sometimes in a 12 hour period this involves telling multiple people that someone they love is dead. In some ways the nature of the work helps, as it provides perspective. I’m never stressed over an email or a meeting - if nobody’s had a cardiac arrest, there is no crisis.

The things that help me most are exercise, and debriefing with a psychologist once a month.

Honestly I don't know how you do this job, especially when it comes to breaking news to families. I think this would totally break me.

OP posts:
Original poster
2764mice · 08/10/2023 14:03

PandyMoanyMum · 08/10/2023 09:39

I have found compassion based therapy helpful for dealing with anxiety. It helped to me to understand why we tend to ruminate on problems and enabled me to give myself permission to park things.

I've never heard of compassion based therapy. I'll look into it, thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
2764mice · 08/10/2023 14:21

Thingamebobwotsit · 08/10/2023 09:50

Am in a similar position to you @2764mice but this isn't my first rodeo at a stressful senior management role. There is something uniquely difficult in charity/public sector roles at the moment. Lots of MH issues in the staff groups, funding uncertainty and lots of pressure across the system which is making it very challenging to feel like we are on top of things. Have been working across sectors for a very long time and this is the worst I have ever known it.

As a senior manager you ending up holding not just your own stress but that of your team too. And they are also struggling with all the life things that feel pretty acute at the moment too (eg Cost of Living, mortgage rares rising, etc). Keep your boundaries as others have advised but also be kind to yourself. It is a brutal sector at the moment and everyoneis struggling.

It has got to the point that I am seriously thinking of giving up and taking time out for a few months before looking for another job.

Thanks. It's good to hear that you are finding this too (although sorry that you are!). Yes there's a lot of pressure - funding & finances - staff retention - diversity and inclusion - partnership working - workplace culture - and that's before you've even got round to delivery of the work itself! I think within social change movements especially it's harder to compartmentalise between work and life. I care very much about the cause that we are working for, it's been pretty much my whole life/career.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 08/10/2023 14:27

I am very good at compartmentalising, and that is a skill you can practise. If it is something I can do right now, I will, but if it has to wait until Monday, then fretting will just ruin my weekend and so I keep busy with fun stuff instead. There is a Japanese proverb I have internalised over the years: The time is the same whether you spend it laughing or crying.

^^
I like this

Primproperpenny · 08/10/2023 14:30

Work stress - just detach. Things annoy me but ultimately, I don’t care! I do my job well and that’s all I can really control.

Home stress - plans/routines/organization. Lots of stress I see in others is caused by lack of planning, disorganization and last minute panic. Just don’t do it. Be prepared, don’t run out of things, keep up to date with bills/washing etc. Sounds boring but facilitates everything else.

blackpear · 08/10/2023 15:27

I’m dreadful in terms of anxiety, but I tend to think about whether something will really matter in a week’s/ month’s/ year’s time. And I care less about whether people like me.

Iturnedmyfaceaway · 08/10/2023 19:20

I posted on this thread earlier then set an alarm on my phone for 7pm so I could set aside worry time.
then I got on with my day.
the alarm went off but now I’m chilled so I’ll worry tomorrow when I’m paid to.

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 08/10/2023 19:21

Honestly - Life is too short to have a job that causes that much stress. I'd be looking for a different position

LadyoftheLavaLamp · 08/10/2023 21:08

Some great tips here!
sadly I’ve seen ‘very important people’ be ditched with no notice in the corporate world, if a new leader comes in and the face doesn’t fit/they bring their own favourites. It’s all so fickle I try to treat it like a big game, which helps keep a healthy detachment!

SisterAgatha · 08/10/2023 21:12

I deal with stress well (very tough childhood, had 5/7 adverse childhood experiences) and I don’t have any tips except that I struggle to feel very excited about anything. So I think it’s that general numb feeling that means I don’t get any extremes. Not really a secret; more a trauma response 🤣

ThreeLeggedPug · 08/10/2023 21:13

Exercise daily or alternate days.

Abouttimemum · 08/10/2023 21:20

Live in the moment.
Work to live.
Don’t think about work when I’m not there (unless I’m on call).
I’m great at my job but if I died someone else would be hired to do my job so I am not indispensable. No one is.
We are a tiny tiny speck in the history of time and literally no mistake I make at work is going to impact anything happening in 100 years time.
The world is massive and someone somewhere is having a much much much worse day than I am.

I have a very stressful job when I’m there and thinking of the bigger picture is very helpful. Much of what happens day to day is basically matterless.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 13/10/2023 20:53

So I used the tip of setting aside time to worry, it really worked because by the time my allocated time arrived, I didn’t feel worried about things anymore and just looked at my calendar and felt relieved. Thank you to whoever suggested that, I absolutely will use it again.

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