Draining one sided friendships

[Unlikelyquestions]

I have two friends who I have known a long time. To be truthful they are the only friends I have now as my life has narrowed a lot a lot and other friendships have drifted. Both these people have become very negative, depressed and borderline mentally ill. they both have massive family problems and live alone. Both are divorced. As time has gone on I’ve found that conversations are increasingly one sided . All about their woes, or they just have nothing to say. Questions about me have virtually stopped. They don’t care about me except to use me to dump on. One of these friends lives some way away and I haven’t seen her in person for two or three years. If I phone her she rants at me for over two hours leaving me exhausted. So it’s WhatsApp messages. The other I see as rarely as I can because I find her dull and again, the conversation is most ly centred round herself. I am just fed up with it . The trouble is I don’t have any other friends and can’t replicate the length of these friendships now. I am retired and want to move to another area next year. I have a partner but lack female friendships.

How do I extricate myself without hurting them? I have tried not contacting them but when I am feeling lonely, which is often, I get sucked back in. I really want some interesting positive friends who make me feel good. Not these two depressing users. I do care about them but have come to see during lockdown that they are their own worst enemies.

Have you tried groups? There are a few if you Google ‘groups for retired women’.
I not sure how old you are but there are groups for over 50’s or over 60’s. Networking groups, activity groups. Meet some new, young at heart friends who don’t moan so much.
This group for example has no lower at limit, so there will be all ages. It might stop you being sucked back in.
https://www.growingolddisgracefully.org.uk/

I have always attracted emotional draining friends, I don’t know why or how they find me. I recently started noticing they don’t want to let go. They don’t want to help themselves, they just want to complain to me. It’s very frustrating. Then when I pull away, they freak out and beg me not to. My mother and sister, most of that side actually, are narcissists in one way or another. Is this why? Do they gravitate toward me because I’m nice and was used to being treated that way? I have been letting those people go, much to their dismay, but it feels so nice to be rid of them. Only family member left is my mother, and she’s not as heavy but still is draining. But the friendships are exhausting.