Joint bank accounts

[Mummumgem]

I know I’m old school, been married for 35 yrs and have grandchildren so as my children tell me , I’m old fashioned 🙄😂

but when we got engaged we opened a joint account and each put the same percentage of our salary into it each month. When we got married all, and I mean all our income went into it. At the end of the month what was left we jointly decided how much went into our joint savings and the rest was split 50/50 for our own treats.

children came and down to one income for 2 years, we carried on the same way, then I went back to work ( my choice, I loved being a mum but wanted to work ). Carried on the same.

35 yrs later we still work the same accounting system even though we are now retired.

we had 3 children, and being older I never questioned the work/child care split, he never really did anything practical caring for the children, but fathers didn’t so much then. Housework he helped with, but not 50/50 but again men didn’t so I didn’t question it, he did do all the “men’s jobs” . Now retired we spilt about 50/50 chores.

but the point I’m getting at, is I’m reading so many posts about unfair money splits, should inheritance be shared, one has more disposable money than the other etc. I’m sorry I just don’t get it, if you’re married or like my children in a long term steady relationship, particularly with child, then it’s all shared, he earns £x she earns £x so you both have £xx, if one stays home to raise the children it’s £x,

I thought that’s what being in a shared relationship was about ?,

"But when you marry you vow “ my body i thee worship and all my worldly goods I do endow”.
^
I don’t mean to come across insulting, I’m just trying to understand^"

Those vows are in olde English! They're not relevant in 2023 just like "honour and obey" isn't relevant!

If you had for example £50k in assets before you even met your partner, you're not going hand over £25k upon marriage!

I'm ancient too, and we have never had joint bank accounts. We each know what we are responsible for paying, and just get on with it. The beauty of it is that we rarely need to discuss money, nor does either of us have to justify our spending to the other. It has worked for us for decades.

Wasn't in my vows

So separate accounts do work for some people then, maybe if I was to start over I would think differently.

if I was to find myself on my own, then starting a new relationship, well yes I see that would be different, I’ve just never thought about it before.

I think I’ve muddled the water a bit with the splitting of the chores/childcare information, I was trying to explain that I am very old school, and happy with that, I’m happy with how we work things and it isn’t an issue, I was just trying to describe my domestic set up and the way my life has been, and why we set our finances as we have,

tbh I read a post about a lady who’s husband had inherited some money and wasn’t going to share it, and it upset me, I felt so bad for her, and couldn’t understand how that situation could happen.

iam old school, very traditional Christian, and I’ve become more and more away that what I took as the norm is in fact not !. I don’t mean to cause offence,

We share bills proportionately and to
some extent pool our income but can’t have a joint account due to DH’s former bankruptcy.

Also I have a very expensive horse that I had before we were together. She costs 25% of my income and I don’t expect him to pay for her. But equally he is appalling with money so I keep some money separate so we actually have some savings. If he had access to that he would spend it all-not on beer or gambling or anything silly but he can’t hold on to cash. I am the main earner by a significant amount and contributed all the house deposit and hold the mortgage as he can’t be on it.

Not everyone is the same @Mummumgem doesn’t make us less married.

I agree with your attitude towards shared money OP, although ime it doesn't have to be in one shared account to be viewed as joint. DH and I do it differently for admin reasons, we each have multiple bank accounts (I have about 10!) and I do a lot of spending on a credit card where I'm an additional card holder. But it's all viewed by both of us as a loose pool of money that we're both entitled to use. I don't get the idea of holding some back or not wanting your spouse to see what you've spent money on, or taking turns to pay for meals out, or owing each other money. I don't view money I've earned as specifically mine but it's family money.

It works for us and admittedly we're not living month to month and don't have to fret about one of us overspending. I don't care what he spends money on, and he is the same with me, and we don't do checks with each other about large purchases, because we can afford it as a family and trust each other to make sensible decisions. We're open with each other about how much we have, although not down to exact figures as we don't keep regular tabs on it.

We have an equal split in childcare/chores when not at work - I do more overall as I'm pt.

All money is in joint accounts , we dont need to split and allocate monthly equal money for treats like pocket money, we take what we want from the joint account when we want to. Sometimes one will spend more than the other, we dont keep track, we have similar financial outlooks and trust each other. Big purchases are discussed.

Both dh and I shared childcare, having one day off each midweek for the first year after maternity, and equally sharing drop offs/pickups/and sick days. House work/cooking we didnt split we both did what needed done without keeping tabs on each other. Diy was usually tackled together - I am a natural researcher/.problem solver he has the skills/strength where needed.

Everyone is different, I find your systems as odd as you find others.

If you had for example £50k in assets before you even met your partner, you're not going hand over £25k upon marriage!

You might. I effectively handed over more than that.

We have separate bank accounts but all the money in them is joint.

In the same way you 'just can't understand' people who keep finances separate, I 'just can't understand' this
he never really did anything practical caring for the children, but fathers didn’t so much then.

Honestly I'm aghast at this! My DH and I have separate accounts but joint savings and split bill paying according to our salaries BUT he gets up in the night with the children, has been up to his eyes in nappies, looked after children solo while I've been on work trips away and cooks for us all and them

I don't understand the concept of 'I'll share my worldly goods' but when it comes to housework or looking after the children, you're on your own love!

Whilst I know you don't mean to cause offence, I don't understand how the concept of different ideas and relationships is so difficult for you to get your head around.

Fine for you, but not for everyone. Why do you care? We have shared account for shared expenses only. The rest of our money is ours to do as we like with, we're still two independent adults.