Fussy child, food habits getting worse

[Caspianberg]

Ds has never been a great eater. But ate 'enough' of eat category it wasn't too terrible.

But the last year or so its ever worse. He was ill a while which i think didnt help taste buds, and he has some allergies so now just seems to say stuff is too hot (temperature wise) or its got nuts in it as his way of trying to avoid.
The too hot thing basically applies to any cooked food, even if its stone cold

He likes helping us cook, he joins in with almost all food prep, and we eat most meals every day together. But then he sits down and wont eat it, even with basic food he should or used to like

Doctor says hes fine, and will eat eventually. but he's dropped from 99% baby to about 5% weight and 90% height now at 3 years. Hes under hospital for allergies and gets blood tests regular which show healthy. Hes around 100cm and 13.5 kg. (was 4kg born)

Food he will usually eat:
Bread
Cheese
Fruit
Raw pepper, peas, carrot
Greek yogurt with honey

Sometimes eat:
Porridge
Tomato pasta (i hide veg in this)
Avocado
Yolk of egg

Hates:
Most other things. I really struggle getting him to eat any type of meat or fish, other carbs like rice or potato. Any other veg. He wont even eat kids things like chips or breaded stuff or pizza.

And the portion sizes can be tiny even from the ok lists. Such as he might eat three pieces of pasta, one spoon of porridge.

He's allergic to nuts.

Im frankly loosing the will at every mealtime tbh. Dh and i cook, and he just wont eat. I find it really stressful. I have tried no snacks, tried only snacks, tried casual letting him eat from picnic style, tried only meals at table, etc.

He will drink max 1 small cup milk a day

What do I do?

Have a look at the Beats charity website for eating disorders and look at ARFID

I don’t think it’s a food texture thing. For example sometimes he will eat pasta, other times he just won’t.

But he rarely seems hungry. He’s never really asked for food tbh, we just give regularly. As a baby he always wanted feeds though (breastfed), so he must have had an appetite at some point

Seems no one can help. If I ask people in real life I get no answers, if I ask online no one answers either.

Honestly, give him what he eats, and maybe try one thing he doesn’t like in a small portion alongside, and keep offering it again and again. Do you sit and eat together as a family where possible? If you don’t, definitely recommend, and talk to him about anything but eating. Would he like meals he can self construct? Like a wrap and he fills it himself?

@PinkRoses1245 - yes this is what I have been doing for 2+ years. Offering what he likes, with what he doesn’t like to try. We sit together at every meal.

We often have meals at the table with separate elements like fajitas that he can choose what he has. Usually only wrap and cheese and fruit after basically. If we have say a roast I also ask what he wants, but he would only eat peas and carrots ( a spoon max)

If you can't solve it, strangers who dont know your child can't either. There's no need for that tone.

The Dr said he's fine. Maybe listen to him or her.

@ShellySarah - it not a tone. I just feel very alone in trying to resolve this. I don’t have any family to ask. I don’t know anyone locally. I’m in a foreign country with different resources.
So I thought I would ask on a parent forum who might also have answers.

The paediatrician has said he hasn’t gained much in a year so needs to eat more, but at the moment isn’t unhealthy blood test wise so nothing they can do medical wise. Just he needs to eat more. Which is what I’m trying to do.

I think you need to take the pressure off right now. My kids are autistic so their food aversions are very sensory based, but I do know there’s a lot of fear, stubbornness and demand avoidance in the mix too.

Everything had to be on their own terms and no amount of persuasion or getting them involved in the cooking process (that old chestnut) has ever helped one iota. Nor has “they’ll eat when they’re hungry”. Nope, they’d rather starve.

So… fed is best. Give him what you know he will eat. Even if it’s the same things on rotation day after day. Wait to see if he starts to show a willingness to add new things to this “safe foods” slowly and gradually. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t.

"Food he will usually eat:
Bread
Cheese
Fruit
Raw pepper, peas, carrot
Greek yogurt with honey

Sometimes eat:
Porridge
Tomato pasta (i hide veg in this)
Avocado
Yolk of egg

Hates:
Most other things. I really struggle getting him to eat any type of meat or fish, other carbs like rice or potato. Any other veg. He wont even eat kids things like chips or breaded stuff or pizza."

Well I think the first list is not a bad basic diet, tbh, especially with a few things from the second list added in periodically.

Would it be possible for you to make your own bread, as that would maximise the nutrition he gains from that? I make a ridiculously easy no-knead sourdough every few days, takes about 10 mins actual doing (max).

Have you tried him on risotto, perhaps with peas in as he likes them? You could make it with a really good fatty chicken or beef stock.

Peanut butter, maybe with apple wedges..? V calorific, good fats, lots of calories in a spoonful.

Banana milkshake, with added cream/ice-cream/peanut butter sneaked in?

I know it's stressful. One of my daughter's range of food is also steadily reducing (she's 7); I concentrate on making what she will eat as good-quality and nutritious as possible (hence making my own bread).

He will almost certainly get 'better' at eating as he gets older; it doesn't matter if he eats the same meal morning, noon and night, as long as it's nutritionally balanced, so I'd focus on that, meanwhile making you adults a nice interesting variety of food, and always having some for him to try.

Hugs.

@Jellycats4life thank you. Yes Ds would definitely rather starve than eat something he doesn’t like.

But what about the portion sizes? I mean I gave him a crust less cheese sandwich (1 slice bread- so half a sandwich), raw pepper and a kiwi for lunch. He ate maybe 1/2 the 1/2 sandwich (so 1/4), and the pepper and kiwi. I have no idea calories in that but it’s can’t be much can it?

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I know how hard it is because my 3-year-old has the almost identical list to yours in terms of what she will or won't eat, and her refusal to eat even basic kids things like pizza and chicken nuggets and chips.

Some days I care less, some days it deeply upsets me. My husband and I went through a phase of giving her dessert if she ate certain foods, or letting her watch tv - even though I know all the Instagram momfluencers say not to do this 🙄 Needless to say it worked at first but ultimately led to tantrums when she really wanted a dessert or TV but couldn't face eating the food.

Then my husband kept asking me to find a "specialist" to help with this - we live in SW London and have very good private healthcare so would have the privilege to go down this route if we so chose. But most specialists seem to take on kids with more serious problems/eating disorders, and those that were more therapy-based basically offered the same basic advice as those on Instagram, but with more worksheets to justify the cost.

For now we've made peace with it - short of force-feeding her, there's nothing we can do. Toddlers are all about exercising their newfound sense of power and control, and what they choose to put into their body is a prime battleground. At the end of the day, she's growing, and I assume she won't go off to uni only eating bread and cheese, so at some point things are going to change, and all the stress in the world isn't going to accelerate the process. I refuse to turn every meal into a stressful situation for all of us (esp as her 1-year-old brother sits with us and I don't want him to feel like mealtimes are a bad time!).

So as hard as it is, I'd recommend carrying on doing what you're doing. It sounds like your son is happy and healthy, and there will inevitably come a time when he starts to get more curious about other foods, and when that time comes you'll be ready!

Good luck.

@HBGKC - he has a severe nut allergy, so I can’t add any nut butter so to anything. If it also looks like nut butter like he won’t eat also as I think it’s been drummed into him it’s not safe. I have tried sunflower seed and pumpkin Seed with no luck.

He won’t eat risotto at all. I tried last week again. Or rice or orzo pasta or couscous.

He will occasionally eat tiny pasta with peas. But again, it’s a 1-10 chance, so very demoralising when I make, again, and he refuses, again. He eats more peas frozen actually than cooked for some reason.

Oh he will eat homemade waffles.

Bread - he mainly only eats the soft bit, won’t eat crusts. I buy from bakery so it’s not terrible. But even bread he won’t eat if decides

@belladonna22 thank you. I happily let him have a desert without eating dinner. Some days he does as it’s the only food hes eaten ( it’s just yogurt, honey, fruit, again!). He will eat ice cream sometimes. Won’t eat things like cake usually. Like you say, it can get very stressful when you’re told to feed more, and you do, but they won’t eat.

It’s very disheartening when everyone just says, well stop giving in and he will eat, as he doesn’t.
We stopped in a Mac Donald’s recently on drive back from holiday, the only thing he would eat was apple slices and strawberry milkshake. He was excited about the concept of a happy meal, but wouldn’t eat it. Just liked the toy.. If we go out anywhere for the day or a meal I feel like I always just have Tupperware of fruit as he rarely eats anything available.

i think I might just try more dried snack like options to try and encourage eating in between. He gets a multivitamin

I would concentrate on calories over variety initially. So give him some of his more calorific safe foods at every meal and snack. You should be offering him food at least 5 times a day (3 meals, two snacks, though I'd aim for 3 meals, 3 snacks) with a small amount of the less calorific foods. Fruit and veg are good for kids but they don't provide a lot of calories (except for the starchy root veg) and toddlers have small stomachs (about the size of their fist) so a toddler can very quickly fill up on the fruit and veg and not get many calories. Add some of whatever the rest of the family are having for dinner alongside some of his safe foods - but only a spoonful, and don't make a big deal of it if he doesn't try it - and again focus on the more calorific elements of whatever you're having.

So for example rather than always having a tupperware of fruit I'd make sure I always had a cheese sandwich with me, then anytime he won't eat something or is due a snack offer him a quarter and just a single slice of apple or one or two grapes.

(Also probably stating the obvious but just in case - make sure that things like yoghurt/cheese/milk are full fat)

(Disclaimer, not a medic, this is just the approach I would take and a similar approach to the way I ate as a similarly fussy child with a small appetite.)

I understand that his small portions are a concern. In that case you’ll have to get calorie dense things into him in small quantities.

How is he with dairy products? Milkshakes with some of the milk replaced with cream. Ditto porridge. It’s all about fats if you’re trying to increase calories. Obviously your choices are limited by the nut allergy, so you’ll have to be inventive.

I think the problem right now is you’ve fallen into the habit of having him fill up on fruit and raw veg (like the Tupperware of fruit you mentioned), because of course you’re concerned about his health and getting the right nutrients. But the problem is it’s so low calorie.

He’s ok with dairy. But it’s hit and miss. Dh has been making milkshakes for him at the weekend with milk, banana, frozen strawberries and ice cream or custard. He does like them, but sometimes we give and he will drink a small cup, other times he takes a few sips and that’s it. Porridge is on the list of things he will eat, when he decides. So it’s 50:50 if he eats. I should offer every day though, as he might actually eat for dinner if he won’t eat anything else.
I only buy plain 10% full fat Greek yogurt which he eats fine ( plain or with honey), is there any advantage buying alternatives?

I do often take cream cheese sandwiches out with us also, so he gets those with fruit. I will try and get him to eat a full 1/4 sandwich before the fruit.

He takes the same 1/2 cheese sandwich, raw veg and fruit to nursery each morning. They eat this around 9.30am as breakfast/ snack, and he does eat most of it. It’s probably his biggest ‘meal’ of the day. It’s take over a year though, as until recently at least half came home