Those who are Neurodivergent ..

[BrokenChandelier]

What would make your life easier?

Is there any type of apps, tips/tricks or hacks that help?

Accepting I was autistic was the biggest life hack for me and giving myself permission to indulge in my specialist interests meant I was less stressed and could cope more with day to day tasks. I guess it depends on what you are trying to change or want support with?

I've accepted that I have ADHD and Autism for the most part, but some days feel more difficult then others. And I guess I'm wondering how do people cope or what helps?

If people were more accepting and accommodating of others regardless what condition they may or may not have. Neurotypicals have NO idea what mountains we move to relate to them and to try and integrate. It's heartbreaking to do this and face rejection time after time.

Yet we are the ones who have social difficulties? If only there were a mirror that we could hold up to others so they could see their behaviour from a different perspective. It's mostly unintentional of course, but the height of ignorance nevertheless.

Sorry, I sound like a right dolly downer 😅 I actually like the way I am, and yes a diagnosis changed everything ☺️ No apps or tricks from me, just self acceptance.

I followed lots of ND people on social and read up on lots of suggestions and kept the ones that worked for me. The biggest change was accepting my ADHD and being honest about what works and doesn't work. I stopped masking so much (I hadn't been doing it consciously) and that gave me more energy to make other changes.

Agree with the acceptance and working with an absolute awareness of your own boundaries. In my 20s I used to suffer near-daily panic attacks and anxiety which in retrospect was poorly managed triggers leading to meltdowns. After becoming aware of ND I haven't had a single panic attack for the past 5 years.

My life hasn't change dramatically, but the script in my mind has. Eg. I used to hate and dread social events but now I realise it's just because I disliked the stress of masking amongst many people. So in preparation for any event, I tell myself I just need to mask for these couple of hours and then look forward to getting home and unwinding. It almost feels like playing a game now which is quite fun. Sometimes during social events I'd secretly want to laugh because I tell myself "Oh fuck I'm masking so well right now, these people have no idea!"

Other things include adapting my wardrobe to fit sensory issues. I realised I hate tags, itchy fabric, tight waistbands etc. I used to try to force myself to wear things I thought would be nice but I didn't like the feeling of. Now I consciously look for clothing that are sensory friendly but still trendy. If I find the perfect pair of pants or jeans I buy multiples of the same one so I can wear it for as long as possible.

I schedule appointments earlier in the day to avoid the waiting mode. If I do end up with something in the afternoon I don't beat myself up for achieving nothing all day. I used to have a mental script of "I should be doing this and this and this" and not understand why I keep failing my own expectations. Now it's simply "I should be doing this and this...but REALISTICALLY, I'm not going to be able to complete any of that!" and I drop the pressure in my mind.

I've also learned to stop comparing myself to neurotypicals. It makes no sense as I don't compare myself to supermodels or professional athletes. Someone being able to attend 5 appointments in one day, clean their kitchen, cook 3 meals and do their laundry is on the same level of executive function as an Olympic athlete for me. I just accept that my brain is different and I cannot compare myself to their performance.

I am however very "NT passing" and have used many of my ND traits to build a fairly successful career. So on a superficial level, lots of NT people like me and I have turned it into a secret inner game to see how well I can play along. I unmask when I'm alone but I play a lighthearted "how well can I mask" game when I'm in public. I know this method isn't for everyone but I find treating it like a silly challenge makes it much easier to get through the day.

Recently diagnosed with neurofibromatosis, which comes with a lot of autism traits. Being super organised is important to me, as executive functioning and poor memory means I forget things. I need everything written down. Having a schedule of tasks, like a shopping list, and working through them helps me be productive in a day and not easily overwhelmed. Having time out alone is important. Just a lay down 10 mins to reset my foggy and anxious brain. I have come to accept there is a cognitive reason why I like being alone, and having alone time. I struggle to mask social interaction and won't keep it up for very long before I feel painfully restricted.

Someone being able to attend 5 appointments in one day, clean their kitchen, cook 3 meals and do their laundry is on the same level of executive function as an Olympic athlete for me. I just accept that my brain is different and I cannot compare myself to their performance.

This is brilliant. Thank you for putting it like that. I have spent most of my life kicking myself for either not achieving that level of organisation or, when I do, following it with about 3 days of chaos or ‘laziness’. Flylady calls it ‘crash and burn’.

I think NT people organise automatically; it’s as if there are channels already there for the water to flow through, whereas with us we’re trying to dig the channels while the water’s running, IYSWIM. Either way, I’m constantly aware for me that organising myself is a conscious and deliberate process. Do too much planning, and I can’t find the energy to do what I planned.

I'm not sure I like the concept of 'masking', it sounds a bit like you are hiding something scary. I think of it more like my brain having to work much harder than others to understand and comply with social norms, so people are tiring. I don't turn into a completely different person at home. So I guess I prefer the idea of a social battery than masking. Unless someone can explain it to me in a way that makes more sense.

I'm ADHD / dyspraxic / dyscalculic. I've tired all the apps, and find that most require way too much set-up, and then bombard me with irritating reminders which I mute or ignore.

The main habit that has been life changing for me is that if there's something I know I am avoiding, I add a very non-threatening item about it on my to-do list, that doesn't require me to actually do the thing, but just to engage with it. E.g. 'open email from builder' rather than 'reply to builder's email' or 'read application form' rather than 'fill in application form'.

That way, I get to cross something off a list, which feels good, and I've already done the most intimidating part of the task, just by getting the measure of it.

Also, a big issue for me is decision fatigue. For anything inconsequential, I set myself a timer for 5 minutes and force myself to make the decision by the time the buzzer goes off.

I work part time which gives me down time to relax when I'm not working.
I have a to do list so I remember stuff
I have a pretty rigid routine which I like
I practice mindfulness and yoga
I love to read/do crosswords so I make sure I get time to do them
I try not to feel pressured to do stuff I'm uncomfortable with

Working from home most days in a job where emails are the preferred mode of communication

No garish colours in my home on the walls etc. No strong smells, no sensory overload.

Being frank and telling people when I need time alone or for parties which I very much dislike! 'thank you for inviting me to your party, but I'm not free. I would love to celebrate with you though, can I take you for a meal instead?'

Having my phone in do not disturb and turning off notifications.

Buying multiples of any clothing item I like.

Headphones

Socialising in threes if possible so I don't have to carry a 1 to 1 conversation when it's overwhelming. I have two best friends so it works well.

Introducing quiet time for my children the half hour before bedtime. Getting their dad to do birthday party/playdate duty when theyre invited by classmates most not all of the time.

Not taking on anyone else's mental load

De briefing with people I love and care about who know me properly and love me too.

Adding reminders to my calendar to check in with friends etc.

Practicing what I'm going to say if at all possible. Listening and learning what others do and say and keeping a bank of learning in my head. I'm really good at this!

Recurring food shop. Meal prep so I don't have to think about cooking everyday

Having a safe person who I call if I'm not feeling regulated.

Google maps on the street view option when I'm going to a new place so I know what it looks like and what to expect.

If I'm waiting for something and it's delayed, say an appointment. I set myself and count to a really high obscure number in my head which helps me to keep calm.

Don't apologise you are absolutely correct. If a nt person was treated the way nd people often are there would be uproar.

People being educated about it so we aren’t on the receiving end of discrimination and people underestimating us.

ADHD here.
My alarm app on my phone.
I set alarms for EVERYTHING. I have an Apple watch synced to my phone so it vibrates to remind me to do my register twice a day (teacher), get my daughters dance uniform ready the night before so we aren’t rushing around, meeting times, Drs appointments, break duties it’s simple but it’s really helped.

Knowing that I can function at a high level and achieve a stupid amount in a short time - often overdunctioning for others (eg ex) who rely on me. And this means I burn out and get unwell a lot. So for me it's prioritisation and making time to rest. And also seeing people I feel safe with. I get RSD very easily and triggered by rejection. So have cut a lot of people who are not reciprocal from my life: also gardening which puts me into flow and I find very calming

Oh and having music I love to get my brain going and out of freeze - like now!

What has made my life immeasurably easier is all inside my own head.

Self-acceptance that I'm different, instead of self-punishment because I cannot seem to do what others do with ease. From self-acceptance came permission to do what works for me.

For example, I look around at my colleagues in sober colours with maybe a colourful accessory or something, and instead of thinking "Yikes! I'm supposed to be like that!" I contentedly wear my purple jeans and green shirt.

I give myself decompression space or time, as well as giving myself time to enter a challenging environment gently instead of bracing up.

Apps? Haven't found anything special, but everything, everything, gets written down. Either in my diary, or as a note, or as an email to myself.

I keep being told that taking therapies don't work for autistic people. Right, 'cos all autistic people are identical, just like all neurotypical people are identical 🤨 I have found CBT and Mindfulness phenomenally helpful.