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Original poster

Would you be fed up of your dad speaking to you like this?

28 replies

ohgetmeoutofhere · 04/10/2023 09:04

Sometimes he is nice
Other times he is nasty
I'm 37 and he is 80
He has always been like this so it's not a age thing.
I ring him every morning at 9am
Today's call lasted 20 seconds
I rang as normal
"Morning you okay "
Then he goes off on one "why wouldn't I be okay ? Eh ,it's you who makes me not okay"
I reply "okay just asking "
"You having a good morning?"
"Well I was till your rang"
So I say "I haven't done anything dad ,I'm just ringing like I do every day "
I try and change the call around by asking if he has anything planned but he is answering in his angry voice
I just say okay I'm off now bye

I do everything for him
His washing ,his shopping
What do I do wrong ?
Why can't he just speak to me nicely ?

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 04/10/2023 09:24

I wouldn't be doing everything for him and ring him every day if he spoke to me like that. I'd be short and to the point. "Dad, I do so much for you and you're actually quite nasty and ungrateful. I won't ring now tomorrow and I won't be round until the weekend so your washing will have to wait or you can do it yourself." He probably won't change his ways now at 80 but you can change yours and stand up for yourself more.

newnamethanks · 04/10/2023 09:48

He's 80. I'm 8 years younger. I often find myself feeling irrationally peevish and snappy, I'm in a lot of pain, I can't do the things I used to do, I can't do anything quickly, I can barely walk the dog, a whole catalogue of stuff that I would need help to achieve but would also resent having to ask someone to assist me. Fortunately, I dont have anyone else to consider and am still able to put a public face on for occasional social happenings. Ageing isn't great. It hasn't improved me in any way and won't be doing so. If he's always been difficult, try to not take it personally. He's probably not aware of it and may have unidentified medical issues. Good luck with him.

UnkindamI · 04/10/2023 10:01

I think stop ringing him every day. Couple of times a week should be enough surely?

SistersNotCisters · 04/10/2023 10:21

MermaidEyes · 04/10/2023 09:24

I wouldn't be doing everything for him and ring him every day if he spoke to me like that. I'd be short and to the point. "Dad, I do so much for you and you're actually quite nasty and ungrateful. I won't ring now tomorrow and I won't be round until the weekend so your washing will have to wait or you can do it yourself." He probably won't change his ways now at 80 but you can change yours and stand up for yourself more.

Get him told. He's plenty old enough to be informed that he's a horribly rude and ungrateful bastard.

ilovemydogmore · 04/10/2023 10:22

Why on earth would you ring him every day if he clearly doesn't like it?

Olika · 04/10/2023 10:22

Stop calling him every morning. Then call after a few days and see if his attitude has changed.

SistersNotCisters · 04/10/2023 10:34

ilovemydogmore · 04/10/2023 10:22

Why on earth would you ring him every day if he clearly doesn't like it?

I'm only guessing here but I assume it's a daily check-in to a frail old man to ensure he's not had any falls or incidents overnight. OP, get him a fall alarm pendant or bracelet and quit calling more than occasionally (and tell him why!).

Original poster
ohgetmeoutofhere · 04/10/2023 14:16

Well this is the thing
He isn't frail in the slightest
Doesn't look or act his age
He can walk quicker than me
Out to the pub 3 times a week
Goes to horse races
Walks the dog 3 times a day
Diy etc etc
I just do it as my mam passed away when I was young and it's just me and my dad now
Luckily he is fit as a fiddle
It's just his attitude towards me that is rubbish

OP posts:
newnamethanks · 04/10/2023 14:18

In that case he's a miserable old bugger. Call him once a week.

Autumnunmasks · 04/10/2023 14:18

He certainly wouldn't be getting a daily call from me if he was my Dad. He's completely taking you for granted, you need to make yourself more valuable with distance.

TomatoSandwiches · 04/10/2023 14:20

Stop it op, stop phoning, stop doing his washing, cleaning, ironing.
He doesn't appreciate you so leave him to sort his own crap out and you start taking more care of yourself.

IncompleteSenten · 04/10/2023 14:22

Why do you continue to do all those things for someone who treats you with contempt?

TheShellBeach · 04/10/2023 14:24

ohgetmeoutofhere · 04/10/2023 14:16

Well this is the thing
He isn't frail in the slightest
Doesn't look or act his age
He can walk quicker than me
Out to the pub 3 times a week
Goes to horse races
Walks the dog 3 times a day
Diy etc etc
I just do it as my mam passed away when I was young and it's just me and my dad now
Luckily he is fit as a fiddle
It's just his attitude towards me that is rubbish

Then why do you do all this for him?
Just because he's a man, that doesn't render him incapable of housework, shopping and cooking.

Original poster
ohgetmeoutofhere · 04/10/2023 14:24

@IncompleteSenten it's my dad isn't it
I'm all he has
Although in starting to develop a attitude of not being bothered anymore

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/10/2023 14:25

ohgetmeoutofhere · 04/10/2023 14:24

@IncompleteSenten it's my dad isn't it
I'm all he has
Although in starting to develop a attitude of not being bothered anymore

OP he is capable of doing everything himself.
Stop being a mug.

griegwithhimandhim · 04/10/2023 14:26

IncompleteSenten · 04/10/2023 14:22

Why do you continue to do all those things for someone who treats you with contempt?

This with bells on.

FictionalCharacter · 04/10/2023 21:52

ohgetmeoutofhere · 04/10/2023 14:24

@IncompleteSenten it's my dad isn't it
I'm all he has
Although in starting to develop a attitude of not being bothered anymore

Absolutely. He’s ungrateful and speaks to you like he doesn’t like you. He’s healthy, fit and capable of looking after himself. Stop telling yourself that you need to look after him or feel sorry for him.

rantinglunatic · 04/10/2023 21:58

Cut him out of your life. He sounds horrible

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/10/2023 08:08

ohgetmeoutofhere · 04/10/2023 14:24

@IncompleteSenten it's my dad isn't it
I'm all he has
Although in starting to develop a attitude of not being bothered anymore

But you're not all he has he also seems like he has a busy social life. Do you?

Starseeking · 05/10/2023 08:11

He's probably always been like that, and he's not going to change at 80.

You need to decide whether you are able to put up with it until he is no longer here, or dial down the frequency of contact to a couple of times a week, if you can stand it.

Dessertinthedesert · 05/10/2023 08:12

It sounds like he doesn’t want or need you to ring every days and sees you ringing daily as a suggestion that he becoming frail when he isn’t and won’t be looking forward to that phase in his life.

DisforDarkChocolate · 05/10/2023 08:13

Ring less

Ring later.

Do less

BitOutOfPractice · 05/10/2023 08:19

Why are you doing his washing for him? Is that women’s work?

rainbowstardrops · 05/10/2023 09:22

If he's fit and healthy, why on earth are you doing his washing and shopping when he speaks to you like shit and is perfectly capable of doing it himself?!!!
Come on @ohgetmeoutofhere stop being such a mug!

IncompleteSenten · 06/10/2023 13:11

ohgetmeoutofhere · 04/10/2023 14:24

@IncompleteSenten it's my dad isn't it
I'm all he has
Although in starting to develop a attitude of not being bothered anymore

That's not a reason to allow yourself to be treated like shit.

If you're all he has, you'd think he'd treat you decently, wouldn't you?

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