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Original poster

Does your DH ask about your job?

23 replies

Jackasnorey · 03/10/2023 21:53

I realised tonight that DH never really asks about my job. We talk for ages about his but he never says ‘so how’s things at yours?’ (for example).

Not why I’m asking- I’m just having a menopausal reassessment of my life in general.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 03/10/2023 22:02

He asks,yes. We work in completely different fields. Why does your dh not ask?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 03/10/2023 22:03

Yes, we both ask about each other's work every day on our way home.

declutteringmymind · 03/10/2023 22:03

He didn't used to. It took a long while to realise he was being self absorbed.

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Xiaoxiong · 03/10/2023 22:08

Yes, he always asks me about my day, knows the names of all my colleagues, knows when big things are coming up so he texts me "good luck with the presentation this afternoon" kind of thing, or afterwards he asks how it went. Talks through dilemmas I may have or if I am trying to figure out how to handle something. We talk as much about his job too and I do the same for him.

Mmhmmn · 03/10/2023 22:09

Maybe you could say after the next lengthy convo about his stuff “Well my day was .. etc etc ..”

You could do this conversationally or pointedly if you want to figure out just how self absorbed he is (ie will he realise he hasn’t asked / never asks - I doubt it). Poor on his part.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/10/2023 22:13

My dh hardly gets the chance to ask as l chat away about my day without waiting to be asked. But he is always interested and listens well.
Saying that if l am ever out at night with friends/ doing a hobby he never asks when l get home how it went ...l have had to discuss that with him a few times. Its like he is in a world of his own when l get home.

Riverlee · 03/10/2023 22:13

Not usually. Left a job last December which I did for eight years. I’m convinced that dh never really knew what I did for that job. The job I’m in now is more straight forward.

TheThinWhiteDutchess · 03/10/2023 22:21

My DH does occasionally but in general we talk much, much more about his job. I'm starting to get resentful but also sort of resigned to the fact that he is very absorbed by his work. I'm also starting to find it exhausting.
If he's genuinely not interested in my job then I don't want him to force it, but at the same time I feel a bit invisible sometimes.

Showmethebagels · 03/10/2023 22:25

TheThinWhiteDutchess · 03/10/2023 22:21

My DH does occasionally but in general we talk much, much more about his job. I'm starting to get resentful but also sort of resigned to the fact that he is very absorbed by his work. I'm also starting to find it exhausting.
If he's genuinely not interested in my job then I don't want him to force it, but at the same time I feel a bit invisible sometimes.

My situation was similar and it’s one of the reason we’re no longer together. I do feel envious when speaking to colleagues about work issues and someone mentions they’d been chatting to their partner about it. I think it would be good to get an outsider view/perspective sometimes.

Colourfulponderings · 03/10/2023 22:27

I’m not sure it’s that common to actively ask about someone’s job (I can definitely imagine asking about someone’s day.)

But when it comes up in conversation, yes we have a dialogue about my work to an equal amount as about his.

GreenTuraco · 03/10/2023 22:29

Yes he does, he always asks me how my day was, and was interested to hear me describe my latest work things, because he cares.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 03/10/2023 22:42

Very rarely - l posted on here a while ago about it actually x

ShutTheDoorBabe · 03/10/2023 22:45

No, I just tell him about things that have gone on. I just l start talking at him and he starts listening. It's the same the other way around. Why wait to be asked?

PinkRoses1245 · 03/10/2023 22:56

He doesn’t ask because he knows I don’t want to talk about work, and neither do I want to hear about his job. We have more interesting things to talk about than work.

Sonolanona · 03/10/2023 23:00

Very rarely.
He generally comes home, rants about his day and that's it.
I did point this out and he remembered to ask once or twice but generally nope.
But he has many good points so I forgive him... and in all honesty neither of us have very exciting jobs!!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/10/2023 23:06

ShutTheDoorBabe · 03/10/2023 22:45

No, I just tell him about things that have gone on. I just l start talking at him and he starts listening. It's the same the other way around. Why wait to be asked?

This.

The odd time when I've asked everyone at dinner about their day and they've said, I'll say in a sotto voce voice "oh Terry, how was yours?".

But mostly we just all talk about our lives unprompted.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 03/10/2023 23:10

Not really. But I then I don't ask about his either. Sometimes I tell him about interesting/irritating stuff that's happened or what was on offer for lunch but that's about it.

CheshireCat1 · 03/10/2023 23:17

We generally don’t talk about work at home.

Underminer · 03/10/2023 23:23

No, hardly ever. Although this could be because I have a job where I don’t have much stress. I go in, do it, come home. There is no drama happening, small office, not really anything to talk about outside of work. People there get on very well. Work itself isn’t very interesting to anyone outside the field, and it is complex to explain, so when I come home I cba to talk about it.
So, it doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t ask, but if I did want to talk about something we would. It would bother me if it was a pattern of not caring about my well-being enough to ask.

Whatsfordinneragain · 03/10/2023 23:25

Yes, a general "how's work going today" question rather than specifics.

Original poster
Jackasnorey · 03/10/2023 23:45

Thanks everyone. Very similar to what it’s like here.
He’s very supportive and always on my side (when I moan about work for example) but my hormones may be making me a little unstable :)

OP posts:
burntoutnurse · 03/10/2023 23:46

He does ask but talking about my job upsets him (high level nicu nurse) so I tone it down but when I've dealt with a loss in work he will always always listen and hold me

Zone2NorthLondon · 03/10/2023 23:49

burntoutnurse · 03/10/2023 23:46

He does ask but talking about my job upsets him (high level nicu nurse) so I tone it down but when I've dealt with a loss in work he will always always listen and hold me

Yes,NICU that’s stressful. The LL conviction has also put the speciality under a a lot of scrutiny

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