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Original poster

Friend offered to plan big birthday party - well you know the rest

14 replies

LucasBall23 · 03/10/2023 12:17

A friend offered (some might say pressured me) to plan a birthday event for my big birthday which is coming up.

So far she hasn't though! She came up with a great idea granted, but I had to book the first part as she didn't and the venue got in touch with me saying they couldnt hold date for much longer. We still don't have a venue for food/drink though and it is now 4 weeks on Saturday. The venue she had proposed is normally a wellness/glamping retreat and they gave an initial proposal but she hasn't been able to tie them down since, I keep asking her and she just says they've not gotten back to her?? Yes but are you chasing them?

I'm not dead set on there but it would be nice but I am worried now it's now going to be too late to book somewhere else for 16 if this doesn't come off :-(.

She's having a bit of a stressful crappy week - nothing terrible just train strikes, car troubles, kids full of cold and not sleeping etc. and has called me a couple of times a bit upset over the last week, so I now feel like I can't chase her/ask.

What

OP posts:
nottaotter · 03/10/2023 12:21

Sounds rubbish all round, but I would never agree to this unless friend had previous form for being very organised and following through.

Many people start planning holidays, nights out , parties etc that fall by the wayside.

If 16 have def confirmed can you book a table somewhere? If it's a glamping retreat is it still ok for this time of year if you are in uk?

nottaotter · 03/10/2023 12:22

Sorry I meant rubbish of your friend, not rubbish of you or the party!

Original poster
LucasBall23 · 03/10/2023 12:38

She has worked in events and seemed really excited to do it. I’m going on a big holiday with family so was just going to flop something low key.

OP posts:
Original poster
LucasBall23 · 03/10/2023 12:39

@nottaotter should be okay as the site has a converted farmhouse as a permanent structure for events as well as the bell tents etc

OP posts:
MillieTanter · 03/10/2023 12:55

I would cancel whatever has been arranged and have the birthday you want to have, even if that is watching TV with a glass of wine. I hope you enjoy it

Lastchancechica · 03/10/2023 13:01

‘Dear friend I really appreciate you trying to make my birthday special but we both have so much on atm, I will let the others know we are doing drinks at xx bar instead. Looking forward to seeing you to celebrate- get well soon’

AutumnFroglets · 03/10/2023 13:12

LucasBall23 · 03/10/2023 12:38

She has worked in events and seemed really excited to do it. I’m going on a big holiday with family so was just going to flop something low key.

If you weren't going to bother anyway then back off and leave her to it, do the drop the rope thing. If she doesn't manage anything then nothing has changed for you. Concentrate on your family holiday instead.

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 13:16

Is this going to affect the other 14 people? Have they paid money or taken time off or arranged childcare etc. Are you going to be messing them around if this all gets cancelled?

If no one else is affected then just call it off and do whatever you were going to do before she got involved. If other people are going to be put out then message your friends and ask for the confirmations for all the stuff she planned by the end of the week and if it isn’t arranged then youre going to go ahead and cancel.

AlohaRose · 03/10/2023 13:28

Message her and say that it is now too late and you are contacting the venue to release the date. It sounds like no money has been spent so far but it also sounds like an awful lot of fuss, multiple venues, somewhere else for food/drink etc given that you really weren't fussed about having a party. I also don't understand why she says the place she is interested in hasn't come back to her if you say that you booked the first part and they are in contact with you - how many parts are there to this party?!

Original poster
LucasBall23 · 03/10/2023 17:32

@Thewizardbinbag well yes I’m sure at least a couple of them have arranged childcare 😕.

@AlohaRose sorry if I wasn’t clear yes there are two diff venues kind of, this will be outing but the first part is like a woodland spa - it is on the site of the glamping retreat - but is run by separate company iykwim, sadly money has changed hands as I had to pay £180 deposit for this.

The option for food/drinks was to be using the farmhouse and their outside caterers this is who friend is having difficulty with - the people who own/run the actual site. I’m not sure why she can’t just ring them??

I would be happy to do it but I don’t want to offend her. I wish I’d never bloody agreed to it!

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 03/10/2023 17:41

Contact her and thank her for all she has done and that you want to take it from here so she can enjoy being a guest.

Oblomov23 · 03/10/2023 17:43

She's unreliable. I'd sort it myself and distance myself from her.

BeWiseReader · 28/04/2024 14:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Oblomov24 · 28/04/2024 16:57

She isn't a true friend. She pressurised you, (why on earth didn't you say no, reign her in). Then hasn't delivered. So why haven't you taken her to task on this?

I am uber organised and for the last 10 years have arranged all my friendship holidays, even the football team mums, in my group of 3 we've been to 10 cities and I arrange everything ; flights, airport car parking, restaurants are booked, everything.

if she is that type, she would do all of these things. she has let you down and basically it comes down to if you've got the bollocks to tell her so .

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