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Original poster

Washing and ASD

21 replies

ISaySteadyOn · 03/10/2023 07:51

I am really struggling to get DD1 who is nearly 13 (ASD) to wash. She says that baths make her nauseous and showers feel too weird. The drops on her skin feel wrong. I get the sensory dislike of certain feelings being ASD also but she needs to wash.

Anyone dealt with this problem? What did you do?

OP posts:
CallItLoneliness · 03/10/2023 07:55

I'm almost certainly ASD and I love showering, but I can see how that would be difficult. Would she consider a sink wash? I know it's not ideal, but it's probably at least as good as a bath.

Boymum2104 · 03/10/2023 07:55

Hey, my brother also ASD went through this phase for around 1 year. He used the large body wipes maybe you could try her with those?

CoparentingDad · 03/10/2023 08:00

I have the same problen with my DS aged 12, it's a real struggle.

I'm afraid I don't have all the answers, but just to let you know you're not alone and I empathise for you.

It takes me hours to get him in the shower, I have to keep explaining why it's important to shower. I usually give him an incentive to do it, like he can go on his laptop for a couple of hours afterwards which usually works. But overall it takes hours for me to get him in the shower. I then have to do a sniff text on his hair to make sure he's actaully washed it (to start with he'd just turn the shower on and pretend he'd washed).

Cutting his finger nails is even worse - they are often disgusting and I have to really nag him to get them cut.

It's exhausting!

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Original poster
ISaySteadyOn · 03/10/2023 08:13

Thank you, those are all excellent suggestions. I knew I probably wasn't alone but nice to have it confirmed.

OP posts:
inloveandmarried · 03/10/2023 09:07

ASD ND family here.

It's a mixed bag in our house.

Showering seems to be preferred but one of them is particularly resistant. It can be 8 weeks between showers Envy.

I've taught them all to strip wash. If not to use wet wipes. The other thing that might help is a bidet or a bidet bowl for washing bottoms.

Not found ways of getting them regularly washed other than being very direct.
'You stink, you are not getting a lift with me until you wash' type of thing.

Harsh but it seems to work with the great unwashed in our house.

It's all down to sensory aversion.

TheIsleOfTheLost · 03/10/2023 13:10

Depending on how long her hair is, you can get no-rinse shampoo caps. Easier to use on shorter hair. I have some for ds, who is a committed avoider of hair washing. He is still primary age, so hasn't reached getting smelly and sweaty yet.

newnamethanks · 03/10/2023 13:21

I remember this well but in my day nobody had sensory issues so I had to get used to it. I still hate the sensation of water dripping down my skin and the thought of staying in a bath for hours makes me shudder.

amusedbush · 03/10/2023 15:07

I'm autistic and I hate showering. I just hate the feeling of water on my skin, full-stop; when I wash my face at the sink, I have to wear wristbands (like the ones tennis players use) because the feeling of drips running down my arms makes me feel physically sick.

I wasn't diagnosed until a couple of years ago so I didn't have an explanation for it but yes, I was a grotty soap-dodger as a teenager. I would pretend to shower and my mum would march me straight back into the bathroom when I tried to sneak past her. I also struggled with detangling my hair/clipping my toenails (anything that required dexterity - I'm also dyspraxic) but I screamed the house down whenever my mum did it for me.

I'm afraid I never got used to it and even now in my 30s, there are days where I can only face a strip wash and dry shampoo. I also gag/retch/cry every single time I brush my teeth so that's another hygiene hurdle I have to psych myself up for. I'm clean and presentable and never smelly but crikey, I really hate showering. Not only is it a sensory hellscape, there are so many steps to follow. I'm exhausted by it before I even step into the bathroom 😖

motherofawhirlwind · 03/10/2023 15:30

ASD daughter is resistant here too but attributes it to OCD symptoms. Anyway - I have a rule that you need to be clean for anything medical, and that includes therapy and physio sessions which she wants to go to, so that helps a bit.

motherofawhirlwind · 03/10/2023 15:33

Pressed send too soon - things like bath bombs, shower fizzers and bath salts sometimes help. Face masks, special soap bars, favourite shampoos less so but still encourage. Her own set of towels, warmed in the winter, anything to make it in some way tempting! At times I paid her to shower....

x2boys · 03/10/2023 15:45

You can get something called clinsan which is a cleansing foam
Ww used to use it when i worked in dementia care
And i have ordered some off amazon for my elderly disabled mum would that work?

EducatingArti · 03/10/2023 15:51

If you gave her a washing up bowl and flannel, would she stand in the bath/ shower and wash herself down that way? There's more control over how much water and where it goes.

Singleandproud · 03/10/2023 15:59

What about being in a bath makes her nauseous? I feel like that if the bathroom is too hot and steamy.

Have you tried giving her a short time limit to be in the bath? So put her favourite song on and play it twice then she can get out. 6 minutes is plenty of time to wash, condition hair and wash your body.

If she has very long hair you might consider encouraging her to cut it so washing is easier. DD has a No. 2 shaved undercut (as otherwise her hair feels too hairy) but the top is shoulder length and when it's down doesn't look any different to a normal haircut as her hair is thick.

Or try a 'sailor shower' - water on to wet body, water off whilst soaping, water on to rinse off, done in 3 mins or less.

Original poster
ISaySteadyOn · 03/10/2023 16:33

She did it today. It's just the bath has to be exactly the right temperature. For her, it is tepid. I got it right today which is good. Thanks for all the suggestions

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 03/10/2023 16:37

@ISaySteadyOn if the biggest issue is the temperature then the simplest answer is to go back to the baby days and get a bath (or normal) thermometer and work out what temp works for her, then she can do it herself everytime.

Original poster
ISaySteadyOn · 03/10/2023 16:39

Brilliant idea. Thanks!

OP posts:
ThinkingAgainAndAgain · 03/10/2023 16:49

Both of my DSs have ASD. One loves the shower and the bath, the other really cannot tolerate the shower so will only have a bath. So he does, every night. I’ve tried different ways to incentivise him to shower, but he simply can’t.

Scampuss · 03/10/2023 16:56

I used a baby bath thermometer for my ds for ages, would strongly recommend this when temperature needs are precise.

stargirl1701 · 03/10/2023 17:11

My autistic daughter will not shower but will happily take a very deep bath. I guess it's a bit like swimming.

TiredWorkingMum1000 · 04/01/2024 18:18

I had the same issue with my daughter, I bought her a shower head with 12 different settings so she could find the one that works best. Still not perfect but better!

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