Child won't focus at school

[NotReadyForAutumnYet]

Any tips on how to help a child that is struggling to stay focussed at school? He's starting to dread going in and has wet the bed a few times since term has started.

He's bright, so very able, but easily distracted by others and distracting to others. He is 7. He can retain information and gets concepts quickly, but struggles to put it onto paper in a timely way - he had an outburst this weekend about doing homework as 'weekends are meant to relax'! Is it laziness? Low confidence? Is it me - I've been v sick for the last eighteen months? Is it that he was left to coast at school for too long (could read and do basic maths before started, so wasn't challenged)? He always seems pleased that he can do it right and quickly, but the getting there is v heavy. Tips from parents or teachers appreciated.

Teacher has spoken to me a couple of times already about talking in class. I want to speak with her with a plan, but don't know what to suggest. I just don't think he's there yet, so don't think putting him on 'red' on the chart is doing anything.

i have 2 chatty children and no matter how many times I told them it to talk in class they always would. I gave up in the end. Teachers would come over and I'd say DS don't talk in class - in front of the teacher. Then not bother again.

pick your battles.as for homework I agree with your child. However, reading the books has to be done. Perhaps 15 mins when he gets home from school - then it's done and put the way. Same with spellings 15 mins after school. Done. Don't worry about them.

Honestly? Get him on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment. Dc was like this. I so wish for his sake that we'd pushed for a referral much earlier.

Our 9 year old son sounds identical and was just assessed by an educational psychologist; she has diagnosed dysgraphia…

I agree.

Definitely worth doing some research around adhd. My son was always chatty in class (primary), got easily distracted and struggled to concentrate. Also bright and academically able, but hugely resented the homework at weekends ‘but it’s downtime, I shouldn’t have to do all this extra work on top of school’…. etc etc. No adhd flagged at primary but year 7 in secondary was a nightmare for him and the wheels came off, he was finally diagnosed with inattentive adhd at the end of year 7. Meds have made a huge difference to his school life.

@JoinInBetty I'm not a fan of homework in primary either. Spellings I just do in the car. Reading - he prefers his own stuff and they're not class texts, so I let that slide and just tick he's read it (they are boring and what he reads is more advanced anyway). Obviously if they start to send home class texts, he'll read it).

To those who've had an assessment, what has happened following it? What can be done in the meantime? Appreciate your advice. I'll get his name down. It's only occurred to me recently that the more he's being labelled, the more he thinks there's no point trying. The teacher called him a motormouth and said he had verbal diarrhoea on his first day this term. If we are watching a programme, he'll hide his face or ears if someone's about to get into trouble or is embarrassed.

He's very empathetic in many ways and I've explained it's distracting to the class and there's thirty kids etc. He apologised to sibling the other day when I told her off. I asked why he's apologising - I think he'd switched off and just assumed he was in trouble for something.

He makes friends easily, but I've noticed if he's anxious or shy in a social setting, he'll be more loud.

I would definitely pursue a diagnosis so you know if he won't or can't focus at school

The teacher called him a motormouth and said he had verbal diarrhoea on his first day this term.

I’d be starting by telling the teacher to be more constructive in their management of him.

@BoohooWoohoo I plan to.
Does anyone know what happens in the meantime or after? How does the diagnosis change what happens? Thanks

I can only tell you what’s worked for us. We don’t do homework, unless it’s a very passive version of ‘can you help mummy with this book? ’ type thing. We don’t do spellings. We don’t even fully conform to uniform we have our own version of what school needs. My son is well behaved , largely conforms to what they ask, is kind to other children and is an absolute smasher when it’s something he’s interested in. He’s not pushed outside his comfort zone though. He’s learning and happy at his own pace. He’s in mainstream school, with no extra support but they appreciate his nuances and his own pace at doing things. He’s a happy kid making good progress. Don’t push him, don’t foster a sense of inadequacy, celebrate every success and let them move at their own pace. We’re fortunate our school allows this approach but it’s in their interests because my child grows and blooms on his own terms at his own pace, he gives them no trouble. His maths is 3 years advanced , his literacy is 3 years behind but he’s happy. They all deserve a chance to be like this.

I ❤️ your post so much. Might stick on my wall. Thank you.

Yep. He's begged me not to tell her. I don't want to break his trust on that. I will think of another way of talking about it with her, that respects his confidence.

Ironically, one of the [shitty shitty and wtf names are biff and kipper) school books he was sent home with a year or two ago had a bully who called people 'motormouth'.

I hate those red/amber/green boards. Could you imagine working in a job that did that? My daughter was always on green, but would sometimes mention how X/Y/Z was on the behaviour board, so team A were winning on house points instead. She was also worried about being put on the board - she's a people pleaser and would never have been put on the board anyway, so not sure it was a motivator. Behaviour leads to consequences, fair enough, agreed...but I'm not a fan of this public shaming,

Doesn't sound like this school is a supportive environment atm or perhaps have no support staff to make a helpful environment. Speak to HT, your son needs a completely different approach, sitting down 'table + paper' based activities aren't what will work. He needs to move round the room to learn to regulate, he needs lots of outside breaks if possible to move, he needs sensory input through the day. Use of technology could help him complete the tasks to show his abilities without spending hours stationary not being allowed to move. Assessment is a priority to help him.

@Cognitivedisonance - thank you - it sounds like the balance is right for your DS. That's a really reassuring post and I'm glad things have worked out. How does it work in practice at school when he goes at his own pace? I want to come up with some suggestions as a 'way forward', rather than just saying current approach isn't working for any of us.

My son is also really curious and will ask a ton of questions on stuff he's interested in - I want to nurture that, but it's another example of how how that can't work in a school environment, with thirty kids and a list of stuff to get through. One of the reasons he was told he had verbal diarrhoa was asking various questions about the topic. Another time, he'd finished the work, but didn't want to tell the teacher in case she gave him more. He said that was a boring lesson - I can't really tell the teacher he finds many of the lessons boring!

He's very black and white in some ways - how do I harness his curiosity whilst trying to explain the boundaries in a classroom, without killing his natural passion for learning (as long as he doesn't have to write it down after)??! So much of this seems unnatural, but I guess the whole school system is! Sorry, I know that sounds like I've been smoking something!

Thank you. That's helpful.

@Aerin1999 it’s just how I believe it should be. But then, I’m a teacher. Not of small people, but of teens and adults and I’m not sure why we have this allowance for the differences of bigger humans that we don’t allow for the younger ones. It’s a flawed system. Best of luck and Godspeed! They will all arrive at where they need to be in their own time.

@NotReadyForAutumnYet because there is a system designed to fit most that is a ‘grab all’ to educate the majority of children within a parameter of learning targets that will fit most. And it will fit many, if not most. But for those that fall outside of those parameters it’s less than adequate, possibly harmful. You must advocate for your child that their individual success relies on a steady trajectory of learning, but that learning might not meet the targets of the standard and instead you have to request that their success is measured against their own progress. Schools generally don’t like it, it’s extra work. In My sons case he was a pain in the arse behaviourally until they made those concessions and then became a sweetheart, so in some ways he fought his own battles. But the basis of learning requires a happy and settled mind, stressed children don’t progress, so demanding your child is accommodated to the extent they feel happy and safe is not an indulgence but a foundation of learning. Focus on their happiness and the rest follows organically.

Thank you.
I did wonder what they'd do if a kid wasn't up to reading, writing, maths or whatever, even though they 'should' be. They'd take time to deal with it. It wouldn't be put on a bloody board. Alternatively, if he is just being lazy, I know he'd milk the concessions.

I wish they had more breaks - they go straight in to do work on arrival - as an adult, you have an opportunity to say hello etc when you arrive at work. At break, they sometimes can't be too noisy because of staggering. At lunchtime, they are hurried and told to stop talking in dining room due to turnover. I think they need more.

I'm a teacher and it sounds like he needs an individual education plan that isn't being delivered. Is he on paperwork? If not I would ask for their input on assessing him for intervention. I would also take him to the GP and talk over the inability to move on when interested in something - it does sound like he could have a diagnosis which would help as teacher would have to chunk his learning into smaller steps, give him breaks and reward each step and also make him/her more understanding when repeated questions come. To be honest this is all so familiar to me with kids with ADHD/on the spectrum and some individualised plans make the world of difference. Telling him off will make none.

I hate those red/amber/green boards.

These are widely acknowledged as being very poor practice now in behaviour management - the public shaming doesn’t promote good behaviour and is actively harmful to some kids. I’d be challenging the school on this and removing my child from any shaming behavioural management process, I’ve done so in the past and would do it again in a heartbeat.

In the meantime, Could you try something like a ‘wobble cushion’ for his chair at school? It focuses them on trying to balance on the cushion which helps prevent distractions. Good luck. x

Oooh please tell us about it. My son's teacher is fairly certain he has it and I am clueless. We've started trying to write on squared paper as he is terrible at writing but really high in everything else.

Teacher here - how are his fine motor skills? Is it the action of actually writing that he finds tricky and laborious? If so I've taught lots of kids that sound v similar - got lots to say but can't get it down, so rather than try (and produce something that doesn't reflect what's going on in their heads), they avoid, chat, do anything but. V rarely just laziness if they're otherwise bright and engaged. If this applies, might be worth exploring some alternative ways of recording - do you have any access to a device he can start to learn touch typing on? Or can he access an ipad to use voice recording software? I tend to mix and match those with recording by hand when I have a child with this kind of profile - they need to build the fine motor skills / stamina etc but also lose confidence if they can never record their ideas fully. I've had one child diagnosed with dysgraphia before but they literally wrote mirror/upside down/couldn't copy a simple pattern etc so it was very obvious! Either way I'd be looking for solutions as a teacher and not blaming the child.

We do homework after school and nothing on a weekend everyone needs time off. If you have concerns email school senco and ask them to assess him in the classroom. It's worth asking teacher for a meeting to discuss strategies for helping his focus.

Really appreciate everyone's input. Thank you. Parent consultation is the week after next. Might try to make an appointment before then. He had a better day yesterday. I have questions, so I hope it's ok if I come back when feeling bit better. Need to conserve at mo. Thanks again.