Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Keeping dignified when dealing with a human cow

26 replies

Jillyparsnip · 02/10/2023 20:15

I'm not a school mum that gets involved in the politics or cliques. My life is too hectic, and it seems pretty b**chy at my child's school, so I am happy to be on the outside of it all.

An exception to this recently, however, has got me badly burned. I won't go into details about it, as that's not what I'm here to discuss - but simply put, I reached out to a particular mum as knew she had an interest in something. I wanted to be friendly and help her out, and the result was frankly bizarre. She turned out to be quite horrid for no apparent reason.

I won't go into details because it's outting, but for context it's very similar to the following scenario..
My child swims at a private club with waiting list. I knew she wanted her child in said club. I had a contact on the board and knew there was an opening soon. I reached out to her to ask if she wanted me to put in a word to have her child prioritized. She said yes and seemed super happy and was very kind to me. I put in good word and asked her child be given the place. Child was given place.
Then first week her child attends said club. I discover she has been saying horrible things about me to club manager, and tried to have my child removed from the club. Telling them a huge amount a strange, untrue crap... such as that I slag off the swim club, hate the people, the facilities are below par..
Resulting in my board contact challenging me and threatening to take my child out of the club if that is how I feel about it. They really were upset / offended and had got their back up by the lies she had told them - understandably so.

I felt like the whole situation was mental to be honest. I have never been unkind to this woman dnd thought I was doing a nice thing / good deed. I've certainly never slagged off the swim club, my child loves it.

Luckily the board contact did believe me when I reassured them it wasn't true. And they actually went back to her and have since asked her to not come with her child again - I didn't ask them to do this.

This happened last week and I was expecting some sort of confrontation with her at the school gate - but to be honest my working hours and child being in after school club etc meant I haven't seen her. I've since found out from other mums that is a cow and renowned sh*t stirrer (I never had this impression before) genuinely thought she seemed.nice!

My question - do I rise above and just ignore her? I've been told she loves a screaming match and don't want to resort to anything of the kind. But if she ever makes a snarky remark or speaks to me again I'm not sure how I would respond with dignity? Can you ladies advise?

I'm not going to lie, I am so busy that this situation isn't much of a priority to me and I've not really thought about her much beyond when this initially happened. However I would like some ideas how to approach this when I do inevitably run into her.

I'm not afraid of confrontation, I'm pretty open. But I almost feel she's not worth the effort as I feel like she will be looking for drama and I don't want to play into her hands...

OP posts:
legalseagull · 02/10/2023 20:17

She's been thrown off swimming so I'd leave it. Sounds like the other mums know she's a bitch so crack on living your happy life.

NotSuchASmugMarried · 02/10/2023 20:19

Honestly, keep your dignity and say nothing.

Sounds like everyone has got her number anyway.

Brefugee · 02/10/2023 20:22

ignore her. If she starts screaming either firmly tell her to stop embarassing herself, or get your phone out and film her.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Eddyraisins · 02/10/2023 20:22

Always going to be awkward when you see certain people who you have had bad history with. Just smile( grimace) and walk away, talk to your child or pretend to make a phone call. Never engage with her.

jolies1 · 02/10/2023 20:28

Don’t acknowledge her unless absolutely have to. Just say “morning,” “afternoon,” keep walking & chat to other mums or be busy on your phone until DC arrive. Don’t react. If she confronts you, walk away, calmly report her behaviour to the head, explain you do not have time to deal with any personal clashes in the schoolyard, could they perhaps have a quiet word and ask her to leave you alone.

booksandbeans · 02/10/2023 20:31

a snarky remark. - ideally just walk away. But if you really need to say something my go to response is a tut tut of my tongue (wag if the finger for emphasis) & a patronising ‘time to grow up now don’t you think’ & just walk away. Don’t make eye contact.

Octobermeterreadtime · 02/10/2023 20:33

Say nowt... Keep the smug smile for inside your home!

ThomasinaLivesHere · 02/10/2023 20:33

I agree just ignore her if you can. Sorry it turned out that way some people are just odd. And as they say no good deeds goes unpunished.

anareen · 02/10/2023 20:33

Not engaging seems to be the best option. You keep your class and she embarrasses herself more. She has already embarrassed herself by being kicked out..... your life and your child's remains unchanged as far as club goes. I'm sure it upsets her if she is concerned with drama. Confronting you over something she did to herself is just silly. Makes her look worse. Keep your composure and your class. If she comes up to you you could act like you don't know what she is talking about then state that you have other things that need tending to, wish her a good day and walk away. My favorite line to nonsense is "that's unfortunate " when fitting.

itsmylife7 · 02/10/2023 20:51

Maybe you don't help other people jump the queue in future.

anareen · 02/10/2023 20:55

itsmylife7 · 02/10/2023 20:51

Maybe you don't help other people jump the queue in future.

This is a valid point of view also!

therealcookiemonster · 02/10/2023 21:55

@Jillyparsnip just a "that's nice" and walk away should do

Tosnoreornottosnore · 02/10/2023 21:58

NotSuchASmugMarried · 02/10/2023 20:19

Honestly, keep your dignity and say nothing.

Sounds like everyone has got her number anyway.

This

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/10/2023 22:01

If she's fond of a screaming match, she'll be absolutely seething if you swan around without giving her a moment's thought or attention, because she can't turn that into an excuse for a dust up.

She's already going to be pretty pissed off that she got hoyed straight back out of the club as soon as she thought she'd got her kid in there. Let the annoyance that you seem completely oblivious to her existence fester in her head for the next few years (or minutes until she finds somebody else to try and pick on).

She's a bully that got dealt with cleanly and efficiently and has an extremely dented pride. Let her suffer without her desired confrontation.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 02/10/2023 22:35

Just say 'noted' and walk away.

BlastedPimples · 03/10/2023 08:11

Say nothing. Walk away. And never do this kind of favour for anyone again.

FedUpWorkingClassPerson · 03/10/2023 08:22

Firstly, I’d just go about my business as if I’m too busy to give a damn about her and her life.

Secondly, please don’t help people jump queues. How’s that fair on the kid at the top of the list who’s been waiting ages? Also, you club is lacking integrity if it allows this. I’d go nuts if I heard someone had leapfrogged over my child to get a place.

Finally, I’ve learned recently that being nice has got me nowhere.

whattttttodo · 03/10/2023 08:58

Luckily you were believed and she can no longer access the club. Dignified silence is all that's needed.

dimsumfatsum · 03/10/2023 09:09

You're just as bad as her trying to get her child in through the back door! Nepotism is well and truly alive and I think you got what you deserved. You won't be doing this again, will you?!

dimsumfatsum · 03/10/2023 09:10

FedUpWorkingClassPerson · 03/10/2023 08:22

Firstly, I’d just go about my business as if I’m too busy to give a damn about her and her life.

Secondly, please don’t help people jump queues. How’s that fair on the kid at the top of the list who’s been waiting ages? Also, you club is lacking integrity if it allows this. I’d go nuts if I heard someone had leapfrogged over my child to get a place.

Finally, I’ve learned recently that being nice has got me nowhere.

I didn't see this before I posted but exactly this. If my child was on the waiting list and I'd found out this had happened, I'd be putting in a complaint against the club.

CornishClott · 03/10/2023 09:20

Watch out for other mums stirring, this has probably become school gossip now . Just drop your child at school and go. In future be wary of people being over friendly and super nice - they want something. It also sounds like she is very competitive in trying to get your child removed from this club. She sees you and your child as a threat . Any sign of a backlash towards your child go and report it to the school and get it stamped on .

Smartstuffed · 03/10/2023 09:59

What an idiot that bad-mouthing woman is. Only a fool launches straight into poo-stirring before they've established themselves in a group.

DivingForLove · 03/10/2023 10:36

@ThomasinaLivesHere but it wasn’t a good deed!

OP, ignore her but as others have said please don’t use personal contacts to jump the queue. 😊

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 03/10/2023 10:49

It all sounds toxic.

You help her jump the queue - bad form from you. Totally inappropriate from the club if it wants a decent reputation

She slags you off- bizarre behaviour

They tell you you're being slagged off. - Equally bizarre.

I'd venture from the above that you aren't as above playground politics as you seem to believe tbh.

BMW6 · 03/10/2023 11:46

Say nothing. Can you do the raised eyebrow disdainful thing? If so hit her with that and a hard stare. But no other reaction.

Swipe left for the next trending thread