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Am I wrong to feel abandoned by my family ?

3 replies

childrenoftheheight · 02/10/2023 12:38

My mum died when I was 13 of breast cancer.
She was my best friend and I was a only child.
I went to live with my dad.
My nan (mums mum ) was like a mum to me.
I seen her daily and as she aged I became her carer from 19 till she passed when I was 27.
It was a tough time and my aunty (who lives in Australia) didn't help,she didn't come over to help sort out carers in the later stages or even come to funeral (blamed covid)
My aunty always said when your nan dies I will get you over here,you can visit ,even think of moving over here,you have me and your uncle and cousin.
We are here for you.
She used to ring me and my nana twice a week,thank me for taking care of her mum,send me £50-£100 every few months as a thankyou (I never wanted it )
My nan died and that was it
She said she no longer had house phone and we would email
She emails me once every 5 months.
I email her and she sends one email back but doesn't keep up the conversation.

All I wanted was to have family and feel loved.
I know it's not her duty but she knows I've lost my mum and my nan and I really have nobody left.
I don't know what I did wrong
Why she changed her mind about letting me visit her
Her emails always say ...hope to see you again one day.
She has lots of money so could visit
And I would never invite myself to hers (I could afford a plane ticket ) but it's clear she doesn't want that
Do you think I did something wrong?
Why do you think after my nan died she stopped talking to me?

OP posts:
AtlasOfBirds · 02/10/2023 13:44

I’m sorry, OP, it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong - it may have just been something to do with the family dynamic that had absolutely nothing to do with you, but you’ve been caught in the “crossfire”. Maybe your aunt felt she had lost so many people she couldn’t bear to get close to someone else; maybe she had a negative relationship with your family which you didn’t know about; maybe she wanted your grandmother’s money and once she died that was it; maybe she’s suffering from a difficult and complicated life abroad that she wants to protect you from.

But none of it was your fault. I hope you find the support and love you deserve, OP, from friends or other family that you choose.

childrenoftheheight · 02/10/2023 14:53

I think it's more that now my nan has gone she has no need to keep in touch
Makes me feel a little used -like that's all I was good for and now she's gone i am forgotten
I guess she doesn't have to keep in touch
It's her choice

OP posts:
AtlasOfBirds · 02/10/2023 15:27

But whatever reason she made that choice, it still doesn’t make it your fault. You may feel used, you may forgive her later, but you haven’t done anything wrong and hopefully you can go forward really knowing that.

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