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My toddler is making me so angry!!!!

12 replies

PeachesoutinGeorgia · 02/10/2023 09:40

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH

18 months - I can’t even take a few minutes because he always ends up hurting himself or breaking something if I leave him unattended for more than three seconds. How does everyone else keep calm. I have sufficient time away from him and am well rested. He goes to nursery 4 days a week but he’s still just way too much.

If I take anything away he just hits me or grabs an object and chucks it at me. Flings said object across the room is another option. Bites, pulls my hair, pinches my skin so hard 😫 I’m genuinely a really calm and patient person but oh my god this kid is pushing me over the line. Is this normal and just no one wants to admit how hard it is? Literally poured his water all over the carpet whilst I was writing this 😅

OP posts:
TheBirdintheCave · 02/10/2023 09:47

Mine is nearly three and goes through goblin phases of throwing, biting or being truculent every now and then. They normally last for a few weeks and then I get my pleasant child back. I hope yours is just a phase!

SerpentEndBench · 02/10/2023 09:53

I laughed at goblin, so true!

Ime (3 children) once they start acquiring language it becomes easier, the child can express their needs and wants more plainly, the destructive and seemingly random behaviour subsides as speech progresses.

Have a hug, you are at the coalface right now.

My advice is to get outside as much as possible, even in winter. Go ahead and fling sticks and kick leaves in the park, pal, kind of thing.

TheBirdintheCave · 02/10/2023 09:56

Yeah I agree with the outside thing. Any kind of change of scenery (or water!) usually helps my son to forget why he was cross.

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DuploTrain · 02/10/2023 09:59

My DS was never happy at that age… it is difficult.

What do you do when he bites/ pinches/ pulls your hair?

siegfriedchild · 02/10/2023 10:00

When my DS was like that, trips to the park and soft play type places where he could practice his crawling and walking helped to wear him out and calm him down at home.

PeachesoutinGeorgia · 02/10/2023 10:08

Goblin phase. Oh my god what a good analogy x

OP posts:
Ilovemydoggie · 02/10/2023 10:17

Can you get a playpen and rotate the toys in it, so he is contained for a few minutes if you need to turn your back.
💐I found around the 18 month mark the most difficult age, but it did improve once his language skills developed.

PeachesoutinGeorgia · 02/10/2023 10:20

@DuploTrain I take his hands gently and say “no, we don’t XXXXX, it’s hurts” he just laughs at me demonically. If he throws a toy at my head and it hits me I just burst into ears. Which he thinks is fucking hilarious. Only ever around me though. He’s so gentle and well behaved around literally everyone else

OP posts:
YellowHatt · 02/10/2023 10:25

Ilovemydoggie · 02/10/2023 10:17

Can you get a playpen and rotate the toys in it, so he is contained for a few minutes if you need to turn your back.
💐I found around the 18 month mark the most difficult age, but it did improve once his language skills developed.

Yes would this work for you? Or a stair gate across a room like the living room and remove literally every single thing you wouldn’t want him to have up high out of his reach? If he then breaks his own toys although that’s annoying for you it’s an obvious natural consequence for him.

fearfuloffluff · 02/10/2023 10:28

Try not to burst into tears. I know it's easier said than done. They're little psychopaths at that age and will not care that you're upset in a compassionate way. They're learning the extent that they can impact the world, making you cry is fascinating, they'll keep doing it and hitting those buttons because it's fascinating.

If he throws a toy, say 'we don't throw, I'm putting this toy away so you can't play with it for a while'. Maybe try only letting him have soft toys and one harder one, if he throws the harder one then it goes away.

Biting and hitting etc - stand up and stop playing, say 'I don't like you doing that, I'm not going to play if you do that'.

Basically give a response to negative behaviour that makes life more boring and less interesting - fewer toys, less play. At the moment negative behaviour is rewarded by mum doing something a bit fascinating and dramatic (crying, getting angry) that makes him feel powerful. Encourage positive behaviour. Stop expecting him to genuinely care about your feelings, he's probably not developmentally capable of it yet.

These behaviours are usually better when they've had plenty of exercise, so a good run around in the morning and maybe after lunch too, and it's worse if they're bored. Toy box rotation or thinking up new play stuff (play dough, kitchen utensils etc - lots of books and websites out there with tips. Just don't put too much effort in as it might only amuse them for 5 mins)

You could also talk to nursery about their approach to problem behaviours and echo that at home.

fearfuloffluff · 02/10/2023 10:31

I also used to plan episodes of telly into the day to give me a bit of respite and reset myself if I was getting flustered. Telly can also be a good leverage for behaviour - go all morning without hitting and we can watch your favourite show, if you hit then I choose the show' etc

DuploTrain · 02/10/2023 10:44

I think you might need a stronger approach to biting and hitting.

Actions sink in a lot quicker than words when they’re little. If he hits you and you carry on playing with him/holding him etc then your actions are telling him that’s okay.

I would physically stop him hurting you (if you’re quick enough). Then stand up/ put him down / move away / stop playing and take away the toy he was playing with.

It’s okay to use a stern face and firm voice, you don’t have to be pretend it’s totally fine. Don’t make it a really exciting performance or he’ll think it’s funny but he needs to notice a negative consequence.

Say something like “no that hurts. We can play when you’re ready to be gentle”. And then resume after a few seconds. And then lots of positive encouragement and attention when he’s playing nicely.

He won’t understand yet that you have feelings and that things hurt you. But he will understand if the toy he is using gets taken away every time he hits you.

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