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New job and I think I made a mistake

14 replies

Iwishiwereamillionaire · 01/10/2023 19:53

Started a new job a couple of weeks ago. It’s better money and it looks better on my cv but the manager is awful, she micromanages, nip picks and is very hard to please.
i’ve never had this before and I’m dreading going in tomorrow. I don’t know what to do!
It feels like a massive mistake, I know I should give it a few months and I probably will but god that feels horrible just thinking about it. Wondering if i’m
just unrealistic in my expectations, my last job was badly paid but the people were amazing, now I’ve seen the other side!
is anyone truly loving their job or is it a slog to get through it?
This is an admin role in a school.

OP posts:
TemporarilyshyAF · 01/10/2023 21:01

She sounds a pain in the arse and no mistake but I wouldn't be planning anythi hasty just yet if the job and salary suit otherwise. Don't let it ruin your weekend, just make a plan.

She may just be terrible at training and once you have the work down pat she might ease off- how is she with other staff? Perhaps she doesn't realise how much she does this. Make a point of noting down all of her instructions and changes so she knows you're taking them board.

Plan-wise, I would suggest making the decision to crack on until say, it's been 3 months. See how things are. Be polite, check instructions she gives you to make sure you're on the right track, and generally try not to take her behaviour personally. Ask for feedback and check if you're not sure about anything. Essentially give her confidence that you are diligent and you can be trusted to care about the work. Assume at this point that she is just bad at managing a new recruit. Leave the job at the door at 5pm. Don't let this affect your confidence. She is a bad manager, it's not that you're a bad employee (you haven't had chance to be after a couple of weeks!) or she's necessarily a mean person.

I would suggest having a look around for work that is as well paid and well suited just so you know what's out there.

Then re-evaluate after that 3 months months. Are things worse? Better? The same? Now may be a good time for feedback on how you're getting on overall. Say you've noted quite a lot of amendments from her side so does she feel you need extra training or any desk notes to help make sure the workload is clear as you are hoping to get working more independently.

6 months. How are things? If she is still a nightmare? If so I would get through your probation then ask for a frank confidential convo with her line manager.

Say the work fits you well and you havent been given reason to believe you're not performing, in fact you've been seeking feedback, however the management style is making it quite difficult to give the job the full attention you would like and is there anything that can be done. Make clear it's isn't about wanting to start a grievance, you just want support in getting on with your job.

My instinct is that she might calm down soon enough but either way decide how to manage it, disentangle any feelings, it's not personal and unless another good fit comes up, give it a go for a few months.

You could try approaches like 'thanks for the extra pointers, Sue. Shall I see how I get on with this spreadsheet how you've explained it and we'll reconvene after I have finished and you can let me know how it looks? If I'm honest, I learn better through doing'.

Main things, don't cut and run too quickly and don't let the bugger grind you down!

TemporarilyshyAF · 01/10/2023 21:02

Sorry for terrible writing btw, nasty headache but your experience rang a bit of a bell so I wanted to try and reply!

Iwishiwereamillionaire · 01/10/2023 21:10

Thank you so much that is an unbelievably helpful response!
i’ve had a stressy weekend worrying
myself stupid but you are right I need to break it down into manageable chunks.
I also need to leave it at work not bring the stress home.
thank you I needed to hear it

OP posts:

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upinaballoon · 01/10/2023 22:23

@TemporarilyshyAF gave such a good answer. I'm in awe. I once was appalled by a new job and started looking at job adverts and a line manager told me to stick it out until Christmas and then review.

HoppingLady · 01/10/2023 22:36

I’m in this position. It’s been 5 months and my manager is awful. She only gives negative feedback, she’s not said anything good to me at all. I thought I was rubbish at this job until I did some work for another manager who was happy with me. Other people are also having the same issues with her so it’s not just me.

Unfortunately my role involves working with her quite closely so I don’t think I’ll be able to stay long term. I’m trying to stick it out for 12 months. It’s a shame because the job itself is good and interesting.

TellySavalashairbrush · 01/10/2023 22:47

A very wise line manager once told me to stick at a new role with a crap manager for 3 months, then if things don’t improve to then explain that you are an autonomous worker and that you work best by not being micromanaged. If there is still no improvement, look for something else . I’ve had 3 managers in the last 5 months (our department is a mess and they all left) so I haven’t had to do this yet, but I always bear it in mind.

Totaly · 01/10/2023 22:52

I also worked in school admin.

I made it to 4 months and handed in my notice with no job to go too.

Did actually get a role on the last day at 4pm! Couldn’t have been happier.

TemporarilyshyAF · 02/10/2023 08:54

Ah no problem OP, hope this week goes well, remember, chin up, this is her, not you. All you need to do is have confidence in developing your own ways of working.

Her main problem is lack of insight into the fact that everyone learns and works using slightly different methods. 'Right' won't always necessarily look exactly how it does in her thought processes if that makes sense.

Try and park the anxiety she understandably causes you for a while while you decide longer term. You'll be fine, and if not, there will be something else. But evenings and weekends are yours alone, not hers!

Iwishiwereamillionaire · 01/01/2024 22:42

I’m back with an update….there’s been no improvement at all. The last few weeks of term were dreadful I was crying either to and/or from work. I was so anxious I was jittery till the afternoon and on tender-hooks the entire day. It was awful. DH recommended I see how I feel after two weeks off over Christmas but my entire break has been ruined by fear of returning on 5th Jan.
I want to leave but I can’t cope with working my notice, I’m a mess and I don’t know what to do!
any advice would be great

OP posts:
Changingplace · 01/01/2024 22:45

I’m in a similar position, took a new job a few months ago, big salary increase but everything is micromanaged and I’m completely bored - my plan is to start job hunting again in earnest, but stick it out in the meantime knowing it’s not forever!

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 01/01/2024 23:46

Iwishiwereamillionaire · 01/01/2024 22:42

I’m back with an update….there’s been no improvement at all. The last few weeks of term were dreadful I was crying either to and/or from work. I was so anxious I was jittery till the afternoon and on tender-hooks the entire day. It was awful. DH recommended I see how I feel after two weeks off over Christmas but my entire break has been ruined by fear of returning on 5th Jan.
I want to leave but I can’t cope with working my notice, I’m a mess and I don’t know what to do!
any advice would be great

Can you get signed off?? Awful situation to be in xx

Iwishiwereamillionaire · 01/01/2024 23:53

Can I get signed off if I’m still on school holidays so I wouldn’t have to return? I’m due back for inset on Friday.
it’s so bad I’m going to have to resign but it’d be unbearable to work my notice.
im not sleeping panicking about going back.

OP posts:
Iwishiwereamillionaire · 01/01/2024 23:55

It’s such a shame it’s not worked out, I’m really one for sticking things out but to be honest I think I knew from the first day it wasn’t the right place for me! Wish I’d followed my gut now…
Hope you find something better and soon!

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 02/01/2024 00:07

Sounds awful for you OP. Definitely try to get signed off

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