Bar Mitzvah cash gift amount

[Iwishiwereamillionaire]

We are going to a bar mitzvah in a few months we are greatly looking forward to it but not sure of the etiquette with the cash gift.
when I asked a friend they said it should be £100 per person attending to cover the plate etc
its very fancy do by all accounts but I’m not sure I can stretch to £400! Is this normal am I being tight?!
I don’t want to be rude or offend them but it’s making me wince!

any advice gratefully received.

You absolutely do not have to give £100 per person. That's hugely excessive. I cannot tell you how grateful we were for gifts of any sort when my son had his BarMitzvah. Honestly we would have been embarrassed by a gift of this amount and would have felt the need to reciprocate putting everyone in an awkward position.

What would be an appropriate amount if, by what I’m gathering, they’ve spent several thousands?

Forget what they've spent. I think £150 as a family would be hugely generous and honestly don't feel you need to spend that especially if you are friends but not immediate family etc. but again I can't stress enough that we were so touched by the £10 book token one school friend gave my son with an incredibly thoughtful card. If they are good people they really wouldn't expect a gift of hundreds of pounds.

We found it so amazing that even non Jewish friends had found BarMitzvah cards and wrote really touching messages. The variety of cards bought by people who would have had to have searched hard to find one was really humbling.

If they have spent a huge amount on a function it will be because they can afford it. You don't need to 'pay for it' and even if the BarMitzvah boy is giving money to charity or saving what he's given I personally feel it's somewhat gross and over the top for them to be receiving huge sums.

Enjoy the BarMitzvah. They are incredibly special events.

It depends on the circle.. £100+pp would be normal where we are but I'm sure they wouldn't want you to give any more than you can easily afford.

Just hope they have the sense to keep the spoils away from the barmy-boy.. unlike mine who blew the lot on pizzas and Ubers!

I agree. We have been giving £120 for two of us and were horrified to read recently that £100pp was expected. Buy a bar mitzvah card, write special message and give what you can afford. Then go and enjoy the celebration.

£100 per family is what we used to do