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Original poster

Those who constantly judge...WHY?

21 replies

Victoriaplum1 · 01/10/2023 12:58

I have reached my mid 40s and it really has become apparent that so many people judge others. They judge them based on their life choices, general everyday choices, and I'm really curious as to why people do this? I am not sure if people generally think they're so superior to others, feel their choices are better, don't approve or...I am not sure. I never noticed it in my 30s, perhaps I was also judging but now with life being so difficult for many why judge others and why cant we just accept each others life choices and get on with our own life.

Sorry a bit of a 🤔 moment but curious to hear others feelings.

OP posts:
JamSandle · 01/10/2023 12:59

Most judgy people are avoiding looking at themselves and their own mistakes and choices.

Easier to judge others than to reflect on yourself.

Also a lot of people are bored with poor self esteem.

IsSheEverOnTime · 01/10/2023 13:01

I think most people would consider themselves as non judgemental even if they are.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 01/10/2023 13:01

I judge others when their life choices have a negative impact on those around them. Lack of judgement and too much 'live and let live, keep your nose out' has led to our society being absolutely shit for many people. If we held people to account a bit more, things might improve.

treacledan71 · 01/10/2023 13:05

I was thinking this the other day esp on mumsnet. Lots of people do and when they do they don't look that people have different lives. Some people have not got a good pension as not worked civil service etc. Some people not gifted money by parents for houses so have to rent. Sadly because of death some people get inhertiance some dont so can pay off their mortgage. Some not got family on tap for support. Some people not had a good childhood and affects them. Only people I look down on are people that harm people or don't put their kids first. Obviously this can be from mental illness though.

FridaySpark · 01/10/2023 13:05

I think everyone judges and those that say they don't often judge most.

Some things will obviously be judged and deserve to be.

TibetanTerrah · 01/10/2023 13:06

Most people are judgemental to some extent. You're judging people for being judgemental! Wink

Original poster
Victoriaplum1 · 01/10/2023 13:10

Interesting thoughts and a mixture there. An example is someone criticising someone's hobby because to them it was a boring choice. This wasn't me it was an observation (another one) and it made me think who are we to judge someone's choices? I agree some choices are questioned that impact on society but I am talking those ones we really shouldn't be critical of (someone choosing to grow grey hair, someone not having aesthetic work done, someone lacking confidence because of abuse etc.)

OP posts:
IReallyLikeYouButIWantToSeeHowThingsGoWithMark · 01/10/2023 13:10

I think yes a combination of all that ahs been said.

i judge on specific things.... I am trying to give up an addictive habit (nothing illegal!) and when I see others indulging I judge them HARD in my mind as part of an attempt to retrain my mind about it - if that makes sense.

Otherwise I do try and reflect what it is I am judging about... so when I see a friend of mine who buys expensive handbags and i wonder at the sheer waste of money I remind myself that I spend stupid money on other things.

But there are things i judge seriously about silently. One of the cool mums at school likes to post pics of her kids crying over whatever as a part of public shaming / punishment for them (she even says it on the posts quite openly) and I just HARD at that and think she is a pretty shit mother tbh.

namechangeonemillion1 · 01/10/2023 13:13

I think a lot of judgemental people are either very bored or insecure/unhappy in some way. The people who are genuinely happy and relaxed in life tend not to waste time judging others.

ssd · 01/10/2023 13:15

"Those who constantly judge....Why?"

Is hilarious. You are judging the judgersGrin

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/10/2023 13:16

Every one judges, we spend our lives judging situations/ people /safety etc. The issue is of you become critical while doing so.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 01/10/2023 13:16

Victoriaplum1 · 01/10/2023 13:10

Interesting thoughts and a mixture there. An example is someone criticising someone's hobby because to them it was a boring choice. This wasn't me it was an observation (another one) and it made me think who are we to judge someone's choices? I agree some choices are questioned that impact on society but I am talking those ones we really shouldn't be critical of (someone choosing to grow grey hair, someone not having aesthetic work done, someone lacking confidence because of abuse etc.)

Being critical and being judgemental aren't the same thing though. You can "judge" someone positively.

You might think you're not judgemental when actually you're not critical. You make judgements all the time - it can be vital.

Original poster
Victoriaplum1 · 01/10/2023 13:18

@namechangeonemillion1 I really agree with you. No, @ssd just curious as to why people feel the need to pass judgement on others basic life choices (not talking the major choices here). Not judging the judgers more trying to understand the rationale and pure nastiness behind it.

OP posts:
TheresaOfAvila · 01/10/2023 13:19

Victoriaplum1 · 01/10/2023 13:10

Interesting thoughts and a mixture there. An example is someone criticising someone's hobby because to them it was a boring choice. This wasn't me it was an observation (another one) and it made me think who are we to judge someone's choices? I agree some choices are questioned that impact on society but I am talking those ones we really shouldn't be critical of (someone choosing to grow grey hair, someone not having aesthetic work done, someone lacking confidence because of abuse etc.)

Setting aside the shocking choices (introducing your child to drugs/helping a daughter set up her Only Fans account/similar), I would say that there will be people who will judge you regardless of what decision you make (letting yourself go or being mutton dressed as lamb/ being a philistine or being a snob/ being tight or flashing the cash). Because you can’t please people, you may as well please yourself.

At some level, the problem isn’t even that people judge, but that we feel insecure with our choices.

Original poster
Victoriaplum1 · 01/10/2023 13:19

OK more critical @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor than judging. You're right we judge situations etc all the time I am thinking more criticising peoples basic life choices.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 01/10/2023 13:21

Find better friends.

MartyFunkhouser · 01/10/2023 13:24

I’m really judgy. I might make judgement on other people based on their behaviour or appearance. I would say pretty much everyone I know does the same.

Doesn’t mean I automatically criticise or look down on people. I do make assumptions though, and I’m always right 😬

Desecratedcoconut · 01/10/2023 13:27

If you are judging arbitrary things to assure yourself of unearned superiority, then I'd agree that it is a vanity project.

But sometimes criticism achieved through an observation of harm, to yourself, family or society is called and dismissed as judgement - and that's just arse covering.

Notlaughingalot · 01/10/2023 13:33

I think it's rooted in people trying to find their own group of like minded people. Our friends are nearly always in the same social sphere and we feel that we have things in common with each other.
There is too much judgement based on monetary value. When someone says 'he/she has done well,' they mean he/she has a lot of money, a big house, an expensive car etc. They never mean he/she has done well to be so kind or generous or helpful.
There is also an element of insecurity. We are looking to justify our own life choices, and the more people who have similar lifestyles to our own, the easier it becomes to validate our own choices.

parameciumparty · 01/10/2023 13:34

I judge others who maliciously cause trouble for other people or who harm kids, animals, the environment etc. Other than that I try not to judge, I try to accept that other people make different choices and live different lives even if I can't identify with those choices.

FridaySpark · 01/10/2023 14:14

The examples you've given, I wouldn't judge. Unless the hobby was something like hunting, then I'd judge the fuck out of them. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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