Tell me about the most educated families you know

[feralunderclass]

And what their homes are like? This isn't a class thread BTW, as obviously 'educated' can be very subjective. I just love hearing about different people's (nice!) homes.
My parents both left school at 16 and worked their way up to management in their mid 30s. They both did higher qualifications along the way. We lived in a very white, provincial town (that is considered MC). Little to no exposure of different races/religions.

Our home was very ordinary, both parents read a lot, but we didn't have any non fiction books. At weekends we visited relatives and on Saturdays I would have gone to the hairdressers with DM and then food shopping. Saturday night Chinese takeaway in front of the TV. Mum watched all of the soaps, Dad liked history, but none of this was ever conveyed to us, if that makes sense?

We went abroad on holiday but didn't really leave the resort, might have gone on a few organized day trips but nothing historical. I can't ever recall going for a walk or to the park with either parent, and I hadn't heard of NT until I joined MN.

Parents were supportive of education but not pushy in any way, they would have been happy to pay for books, tutoring etc but they never instigated this. I did go to the local grammar. Neither asked about my UCAS form (it's very possible they didn't know what it was) or pushed us in any direction.

On paper, we were an educated, fairly MC family. But after joining MN I don't feel like we had an educated upbringing, when I hear stories of families eating around the table and discussing world events (I don't think we knew that there was life beyond our town!) it just seems so lovely, and weekends spent in NT properties with lots of nice books on the coffee table.

Not really much point to this thread other than to hear nice stories of families who talk about what's going on around the world and what their houses were like. Books, travel photos, holiday souvenirs etc.

I'll keep it simple and very generalised but the most educated and by that I mean: academically but also well read, interesting, culturally aware seem to:

• have quite chaotic houses when their children are young. Toys everywhere, den building, paint splatter on the kitchen table)
• have proper paintings or limited edition prints (no mass produced anything)
• shelves stuffed full of books
• a mix of very old furniture and ikea
• left wing
• eat meals that as several different sides and very Ottolenghi-like
• holiday are either private villas with family or friends (never AL package holidays) or camping
• ALWAYS as badly mad homemade cake for birthdays (never bought - or commissioned). It's almost competitively badly made
• have traditions with likeminded friends and neighbours like bonfire night open house drinks at the X's place. New years days buffet is always at x's place
• play at least 2 instruments and always has a piano. You know when you're in the fold if they share their piano tuner with you
• are involved in their local community by sitting on the board of a few things or the civic society or similar

@Libraryloiterer " can't help but think a lot of others on here sound pretty conceited and self important - not a way of life I would aspire to!"

This was literally a thread about people's level of education!!

@Shraree Agree with you but not on the camping, not on a campsite anyway!

As an example one of the school mums I knew was very educated in a non traditional way. First baby at 18 and went on to have 3 more by 3 different men who were one night stands, on long term benefits. She had dyslexia so didn't read, or have money to travel but she watched a lot of documentaries and could talk about anything that was going on around the world. She got involved with a lot of community groups so had great knowledge and respect for cultures and religion and had the confidence to talk to anyone in any situation. Her home life was chaotic in the sense that she kept collecting pets, her grown dc would bring their girlfriends to live with them after the second date and she often ran out of money to buy bare basics,but she took it all in her stride and was always very willing to help others.

I love the poster who said their parents knew every budget trick in the book. We are long term benefit users (ds is severely disabled) and I used to be the queen of free activities. Before covid I used to source the £9.99 flights (always in school time, I used to tell the teachers we couldn't afford to travel otherwise) and we'd go to city destinations for even just a night or two but I always found free stuff to do. We'd stay in hostels and bring breakfast food and snacks with us in our hand luggage. It certainly wouldn't have been most people's idea of a holiday, but it enabled my dc to see many places that wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

I'm not Pol Pot fwiw and I don't have an issue with anyone's level of education but I roll my eyes at some of the cliches on here that seem like snobbery and nothing to do with education! There's a moral judgement implied to shop brought cakes, mass produced prints, pop music, tv etc that betrays how the so-called educated look down on others.

My mum was a cleaner but had been a chemist and worked as one for a pharmaceutical company in Europe, before coming to the UK. Her experience and qualifications weren't recognised at the time as the country hadn't joined the EU yet. She was very well read and we always had tons and tons of books and board games. Lived in horrible conditions though and often didn't have electricity/ it was on a negative balance. I do remember going to my MC friends houses who's parents were journalists and feeling very at ease in their presence once I got used to the homes.
I find this is a common experience of immigrants to be honest. The kids living in poverty back in my mum's country do not have this sort of thing, they're often in very uneducated homes with little prospects of social mobility. I find the same here tbh. My fellow poor but 'english' kids had a very very different home life to me. The only thing we had in common was generally lack of electricity and cramped living conditions. Their mum was always home unlike mine though which made me think they were rich.

In my experience the more educated a person is the messier their house is. Mind on higher things. Plus if they're academics affiliated to an institution they're likely to live in the city, in a smaller house or flat. Thus making homes feel more cramped. Whole rooms given over to studies, libraries, music rooms, studio space, or, to give an example from friends of my parents, a whole room dedicated to harpsichords.

My husband and I have a PhD and a handful of Masters degrees between us (plus published in journals / taught at universities etc) so I'd say we're more educated than average. We have a very normal home though, apart from the fact it is full of books - pretty much every room has a huge bookcase. Massive shared bookcase in living room, large bookcase of academic texts in our study, and each of my sons has a bookcase in their own room full of their own books.

Growing up though I didn't have this, but went to the library every weekend.

Great idea for a thread, OP. I have had similar thoughts myself as I’ve become and adult and parent, and have reflected on the core beliefs I hold, the impact of my upbringing and the aspirations and core values that I want to support in my own children.

Growing up we were ‘comfortable’ in a 4 bed house on one of the ‘best’ streets in our very ordinary south east semi-rural village. My parents were sensible and took advantage of every opportunity that came their way, invested in their pensions, moved house regularly by buying, doing up and then selling the houses we lived in, alongside their regular jobs. We were kids in the 80’s and they rode the wave of opportunities (controversial as some of them were) that became available during that decade and since.

There were books on the shelves but no great focus on reading. We were taken to the village library regularly though but mum never got involved in helping to choose books. I went to a grammar school (and was the first in my entire wider family to go to uni) but I was fairly self-motivated and had no involvement from my parents with homework, being made to revise, uni applications etc. They always supported my requests to join in trips abroad with school and clubs though, and had to be careful with money to be able to fund it. Family holidays were UK caravan hols and later on, Eurocamps in France. I flew abroad before my mum ever did. Days out were always castles, stately homes, classic car shows etc rather than theme parks or child-focused attractions. I went to the theatre a couple of times with my mum and also with the school. I was trusted and encouraged to be independent and with hindsight was probably considered one of the more secure and supported children/families at my school. Looking back we were firmly lower middle class, I would say.

As a parent I’ve made an effort to expose my own children to a range of cultures and experiences, and encourage them to form views and speak up when they think they have something valid to say. They’re encouraged to read anything and everything but neither are big readers of fiction. We did the summer reading challenges etc. I’ve tried to encourage an interest in the arts - one is a talented artist and enjoys theatre and the other loves history and nature. My husband grew up with family money (although enjoyed an incredibly down to earth upbringing) and takes a far more relaxed approach. He would never discourage any of the children’s interests but hasn’t really been particularly proactive in encouraging them or exposing them to new experiences either.

Definitely. My partner has about five degrees (including two phds) and a handful of other academic certificates and his flat is completely crowded with books and artworks, piles of clothes in heaps, no hoover, and I don't even dare look in his fridge when I'm there or try to find a teaspoon 😆.

Similarly, my best friend at primary school's parents were highly academic literary/music professionals and their house was lined with books and thick dust and cat hairs, piles of music sheets and heaps of instruments, ashtrays and wine glasses!

I feel like lots of pps have sort of missed the point. It's not about being rich, or prioritizing education for status. I totally get what you mean op. My childhood was a mix, parents working class but grammar schooled dad who moved family south. We had instruments, lots of encyclopedias around, but it wasn't quite the environment you are talking about. There wasn't that intellectual conversation, or current affairs to get the dc interested and good at articulating themselves.
My house now appears less like my childhood home, we don't keep lots of books and don't play instruments as adults, but we try to initiate those kinds of conversations a bit more. We visit NT, historical sites, talk about culture and encourage interest in everything. I do feel I'm not quite achieving what I'd like though, I feel I've stopped learning myself as life is so busy. I want to model it all more for my DC. This thread has made me think a bit, which is good.

We had a lot of books, were in library most weekends. We used to discuss world events around the dinner table although that doesn't mean we agreed or that it was terribly good humoured. I got through a lot of non-fiction and was always good at random school projects.

Education/university was valued by dm, although not by df who hadn't been and resented the fact that we did.

Between five of us, we have 5 bachelors, three masters and a PHD. All but one of our dcs have attended university, except my ds who is the youngest and yet to take his GCSEs. Three of us tend to explore other countries when travelling, two just stay in resort.

We have an autism gene in the family which gives that ability to focus single mindedly on one thing to the exclusion of all others, which can be great for passing exams but not so good for social life. There are pros and cons of all families. We certainly weren't the happiest family in town.

Reading this thread has actually made me feel claustrophobic and a bit panicky.

I grew up in a very middle class house (big rambling one with a huge garden for the benefit of the OP!) My parents were both very well educated, left wing professionals.

Everyone played a musical instrument, books everywhere, no telly(!), all food was homemade including the bread, lots of homegrown fruit and vegetables etc etc.

BUT there was only one way to live and that was their way. Looked down on so many things I don't know where to start but basically modern culture, music, TV (could only listen to R4 or R3). They were terrible inverted snobs who thought they were oh so liberal.

Love the idea of 'a whole room dedicated to harpsichords.' 😀

This makes me think of my grandparents - they were both raised very poor working class, but were fiercely intelligent and won scholarships to higher education. They read fiercely - anything they could get their hands on, so the house was full of books everywhere. They travelled as much as they could as soon as they could afford to, so the house was filled with things like carved wooden animals they'd brought back from Kenya, painted pottery from Morocco, and shells from various beaches. My grandmother went on to be an artist, so the walls were covered in her paintings and sketches, and my grandfather's great passion was classical music, so he had stacks of records too.

It was a big, bright, colourful home full of interesting things to look at and touch and listen to, and they were never too busy to tell you the story behind something or the the history of a certain item. They took me to museums and galleries a lot as a small child, and encouraged me to read anything and everything.

Oh, food was the other thing. My grandmother loved trying out new recipes, so even in the 60s, 70s, 80s she was experimenting with different recipes. Some were amazing - she made the best ragu and fresh pasta - and some were horrific - I still shudder at the thought of some revolting sweet and sour bean sprout and water chestnut thing she made. But it was never boring!!

My mum and dad both from working class background.

Both fairly aspirational - they married young and dad did a trade and is very bright. Mum is aspirational but I guess old fashioned in that she expected dad to work and earn the money and move them up in the world.

She is a snob and always wanting to secure her place in the world / move up....but has heaped a load of pressure on my dad to provide this over the years.

Dad just wants a comfortable life. Mums more focused on the appearance of a comfortable life.

Dad is bright and would have been a good candidate for university, but just wasn't from that background. He is well respected in his field and he is interested in politics etc.

Mum, not so much. She reads a lot but just fiction. She is a bit ditzy, although does have an interest in history and we would go to NT places etc.

She was desperate for me to do well at school and go to uni etc. which I did, but then kind of floundered. She was also desperate for me to marry a doctor or lawyer or something but didn't. She makes it clear she disapproves in this regard constantly, even though DH earns well enough, it's not a profession she can boast about, and neither is my job, therefore she is resentful of that.

She disregards the fact that we are comfortable and have lovely kids and are providing them with a nice life.

I am trying to provide my kids with a more educated upbringing but it's hard. I was the first in my family to go to uni, so I'm hoping my kids will have more experience of that world. Not uni necessarily but other options other than just get a job and a wage.

My parents can't ski or play any instruments or sail or anything like that, and neither can I. I would love to give my kids these experiences.

To answer your question, the most educated family I know, parents now in their 70s, both doctors who gave up practicing medicine and the wife became an accomplished artist and the husband a mountaineer. Both highly respected in their fields and were published many places. House full of books and art. Kids who were by far the most intelligent kids I'd come across, with a real natural ability and thirst for knowledge, and very accomplished musicians.

All things that just weren't really prized in my upbringing. Having grown up in poverty my mum was so focused on money that she overlooked the richness of what else is available. Which I guess I can understand.

I don't know many hugely intelligent or successful people who didn't come from educated families. Obviously, these people do exist and major kudos to them, but I think having a childhood filled with all those things is an amazing gift to give a child.

I am university educated but I know nothing about art, I'm not musical, can't sail or ski....but we travel and we are doing our best.

I hope no-one will mind if I bump this thread.

I just find it interesting

Bump

Thanks for bumping @UsefulSmartPrettyHappy 😀

Neither of my parents has post-18 qualifications but they are both massive bookworms and my mum is particularly interested in the news. They used to have Channel 4 news on at/after dinner instead of whatever else was on at 7, and we would watch it with them unless we wanted to go and do homework instead (who would). I learnt SO much from that, especially about other parts of the world, that I never would have otherwise. They also had newspapers and Private Eye delivered so there was always mountains of stuff to read.

I think that really helped as much as what we talked about. You can't be talking to your parents all the time in a house where there's full time work/school/activities but you can always pick up a bit of the paper (often out of pure boredom) and learn something about what's on at the Tate Liverpool or some explorer you've never previously heard of while you're waiting for the kettle to boil.

Sometimes I'd be embarrassed when my friends came round as at their houses we were entirely left to it by their parents and would probably grab tea and eat it in their rooms. At my house it was different as usually we would all eat together (or if just the kids - the kids would eat together at the table) and my mum or dad would sit down and MAKE CONVERSATION with us all. My friends seemed to genuinely love it though, were always saying how much they liked my parents. Parents were genuinely interested in my friends and their lives and what they thought. It made me realise that a lot of other kids' parents didn't really ever sit down and chat with them (whether out of preference or circumstance I don't know).

They also had newspapers and Private Eye delivered so there was always mountains of stuff to read.

I was an avid reader & would read snippets of the news, Time, readers digest etc. The only paper I get now is the Sunday Times. I'm making more of an effort to get a paper for my dc to see as newspapers are a bit alien to them, I want them to read an article a day.

I also learned a lot from TV tbf

Thanks for starting the thread, feralunderclass!