My dh cousin gets married next year and has very kindly invited myself, dh and our 8 year old son. It's a full day and evening do.
Our ds is autistic and has global developmental delays. So although he's 8, his behaviour/mannerisms can fluctuate between around 3 year old upwards. He struggles with change, waiting, too quiet, too noisy , wants to do things his way.
We are unsure wether to take him to the wedding, on the one hand he would want to go (without fully understanding what it entails) as he is quite social, all the other cousins kids will be there (aged between 1-5) and immediate family will want him there (pil)
But he would not be able to sit through the service and would need a device and headphones. He does a lot of echolia and would likely shout out/repeat noises and sounds he hears. I would obviously take him out if an issue. He would struggle with the waiting around bits, photos etc. He has issues with food and allergies so meal could be a grief. (Whilst hotels are generally good with allergies it then typically limits the choice and he has sensory issues with food) He would probably enjoy the party element dancing etc although may need to take him self off of he gets overwhelmed. I would probably have to drive incase he melts down and needs to leave. And we would need to leave early as he would struggle if tired.
On the one hand it feels mean to leave him out due to his disability and also feels selfish like we are thinking about our enjoyment. I know there will be judgement if we don't take him and likely judgement if we do. The last wedding he went to was ours when he was two and he struggled massively (although obviously he was very young) . Since then he hasn't been invited to any weddings (all child free)
Whilst we are lucky to have childcare available to have him while we attend. There's no option for someone to collect him if he's struggling as it's too far away. The bride and groom have met him several times at family gatherings but probably not in close proximity so are unlikely to have a good understanding of his needs.
Do I take him and muddle through? Or get childcare and enjoy the wedding?