I feel very conflicted....

[vipersnest1]

It's an inheritance one... (and long, sorry)

Can I first point out that:
A) I haven't posted on AIBU, so if you want to put the boot into someone, pop over to AIBU
B) I'm only in this position because my parents worked hard all of their life, I've worked all of my life, and yes, in a way I'm 'lucky' to have this inner conflict

DDad died a few years back and DM died earlier in the year.
Probate took a while to be granted but since then, me and my siblings have drawn our cash shares of the estate and there is a property on the market.

Recently, I've 'treated myself' to a few things - I've upgraded my Apple tech (bought used items and traded a few of my old ones in) and also bought some jewellery which I've wanted for a long time.
The Apple stuff, I'm ok about, but the jewellery arrived today - I'm thrilled with it, but at the same time I can hear my mum in my head saying what an extravagance it was (it was to be fair, but it was my birthday recently and this is the only physical present - to myself admittedly).

I was brought up with my parents counting every penny, to the point I was bought clothes from the local market and my mum always looked at the price first. I hated it, but that was the way it was (I would have loved to be a doctor but knew my parents couldn't afford to support me through the training).

I have a professional job and am ok money-wise, but still I feel guilty. I suppose that part of it is that I have only been able to do it because my mum died.
Can anyone identify with how I'm feeling? I can't work out whether I should give my head a shake / kick myself up the arse or what.

Why should you feel guilty? My situation is a bit similar. My parents married in the late 50s and scrimped and saved to buy a house. We didn't have any money growing up No fancy holidays no car, second hand furniture, second hand clothes, didn't even have a home phone till I was 18. But we had a secure home in a decent area. Myself and my siblings inherited some money from my mums estate. Not a huge amount but enough to not have to worry about paying the bills, buy a few indulgent items, and treat my kids and grandkids.
Just enjoy it

I can understand why you feel the way you do. You were brought up with a way of thinking, a way of living, an idea of how money should be used. When we are given those thoughts and patterns early in life they stick in our mind and it's really difficult to break away from them.
However, you are your own person. You have your own thoughts. You live your own life.
You've lost your parents and that's sad, I am sorry for your loss. But in their passing they've been able to leave you financially better off.
That money is yours now, it belongs to you, it's yours to do whatever you want with, to spend or not spend however you wish. Whatever you do with it, whatever you spend it on, do it with confidence, commitment and pride in yourself.

@LakeTiticaca and @HoHoHoliday, thank you. I know you're right and I just need to get my head around it.
I'm also going to be able to go and live (hopefully) somewhere I nearly moved to, instead of buying my current house (for various reasons, the only house for sale then was a big fat no for me), but there will be others - I have come across some insider information unintentionally and know there will be several available early next year.
If I'm successful, it will be the last house I ever own, unless my arthritis advances to the point it is no longer sustainable for me to live there.
I know my DM and DDad would approve, as I found out a few years ago they would have lent me the difference in cost (it sounds ungrateful, but there were good reasons for me to not want the house available then at the price it was offered for, and I didn't even know my parents would have lent me the money) - I'm the only one of us children who has never asked to borrow money from them, so I will feel comfortable with that at least.

Your parents would want you to be happy, whatever that takes.

@embramum, that's made me cry. I know you didn't mean for me to feel like that and I think (and hope) they'd both tell me I deserve it.
My DDad called me and asked me to break the news that he had a tumour (pancreatic cancer) to my DM - 28 days later he passed away.
My DM told me straight out she was dying, after years of living with a horrible lung disease. My siblings live abroad so the onus was always on me to decide what to tell them and when. They came back and we spent around two weeks keeping a vigil over her bedside until she passed away
I live with a huge amount of FOG, which is massively triggered by one of my siblings, who is domineering and manipulative. I've had counselling and one of the counsellors told me it was clear I am the 'fixer' and it's so true.
It's also affected me with my DCs. One has an inherited condition that means they are severely disabled in one of their senses. My other one has gone through an awful autoimmune disease which could have killed them. They are in remission now, but have developed another one which is life-affecting but not fatal.
Sorry for the long waffle there, but I wanted to illustrate how complicated my emotions are around this.
As for the jewellery, it's still sitting on my kitchen table, in its box. I don't know when or even if I'll be able to to wear it.