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Urgent advice for depressed friend please

16 replies

Neurons · 30/09/2023 10:24

Hello
my friend is from Scandinavia and has loved and worked in the UK for at least 10 years, including NHS in admin roles.

Now she is almost 60, since being made redundant she has not found work. She is a little doddery, has high blood pressure issues, I think perhaps social anxiety, and lives alone with many cats so does not realise she can smell of cat quite strongly.
She cannot have a lodger because I think she is a recluse and possibly a hoarder too, plus she has said herself the house is not clean because of the cats.

She understands English perfectly well, and works hard, but is just finding it impossible to get work.

She is studying part time at uni, and is now about to lose her house because she cannot pay the mortgage. She has already been given extra time by the bank and has had a uni hardship grant.

As far as I know I’m her only friend here and the only family left is one person back home and they do not speak.

Does anyone know if she can have un employment and housing benefit? She says no because of uni.
She has tried every work avenue - temping, care work, warehouse, cleaning, McDonald’s, nobody will give her work.

I think she just needs to give up now and claim benefits. She is in too poor health and demeanour that interviews fall at the first hurdle.

I am going to take her for coffee later today and would love to have some positive ideas.
I have helped with lifts to interviews, food shop, rang temp agencies asking for work for her, always check-in on her wellbeing, exhausted my own knowledge of financial assistance and work ideas. I’m just teaching a dead end now!

Please, can anyone on here help with advice so that I can help her mental health from sliding? I am VERY worried about her, but I also work and have children and it is a worry I need to resolve because it is taking over my life a bit.

Thankyou for any help I would be so grateful. Been on mumsnet since firstborn 2009 but using a different a/c for anonymous reasons for this post. On Chat board for traffic because post is urgent.

OP posts:
Neurons · 30/09/2023 10:36

Any help would be so welcomed - this is becoming quite desperate

OP posts:
SupportAnimalShelters · 30/09/2023 10:42

I would try to connect her with a social worker at a community support service of some kind. They will be able to help her with whatever support is available to her and get the ball rolling.

embramum · 30/09/2023 10:44

I would suggest she goes to a Citizen’ Advice Bureau or Student Welfare Office for advice. Maybe you could go with her if you have time?

CatOnAMushroom · 30/09/2023 10:44

A social worker won't help unless a person has care needs.

Maybe direct your friend to age uk or citizens advice for benefits and housing advice. It's great that you care but it is not your issue to solve

Also why is she doddery at only 60? Has she seen a GP?

SupportAnimalShelters · 30/09/2023 10:46

CatOnAMushroom · 30/09/2023 10:44

A social worker won't help unless a person has care needs.

Maybe direct your friend to age uk or citizens advice for benefits and housing advice. It's great that you care but it is not your issue to solve

Also why is she doddery at only 60? Has she seen a GP?

As a social worker I was also able to get people connected to welfare payments and other services that could help them. I could also connect them with housing, among other things. I have done this often. So yes, a social worker can help with whatever need presents.

ssd · 30/09/2023 10:48

Well you sound a lovely friend and god love her, its hard getting older never mind needing to get a new job and facing losing her home.
Would she go to the gp, maybe some anti depression pills would help her. Also shelter might give you housing advice?

Really hope you can help her out.

CatOnAMushroom · 30/09/2023 10:53

Where I work the social workers won't help if this is the only issue now. If someone has care needs through eg a physical or mental disability AND needed benefits support etc then the SW would address this also and refer them on. However just contacting Social Care for this alone would just lead to signposting to other services eg CAB

embramum · 30/09/2023 10:53

Not sure some of these details are relevant to her circumstances OP

QPWO · 30/09/2023 10:53

This might be a bit of a sticking plaster idea, it sounds like bigger help is needed, but has she tried the university for part time work on campus? If they know how desperate the situation is they might be able to find some catering, cleaning or library assistant work? My former universities have always had plenty of student jobs with high turnover..

SupportAnimalShelters · 30/09/2023 11:00

CatOnAMushroom · 30/09/2023 10:53

Where I work the social workers won't help if this is the only issue now. If someone has care needs through eg a physical or mental disability AND needed benefits support etc then the SW would address this also and refer them on. However just contacting Social Care for this alone would just lead to signposting to other services eg CAB

We would help with whatever came through the door. We have access to a wide range of resources and services. We would accompany them to visit different services to organise things if they needed that support. We were a one stop shop and could connect to other services if needed. If such a service exists in the area, it would be a perfect place to start.

Neurons · 30/09/2023 11:29

@embramum which details in the post not relevant to her situation? Better to post everything for context rather than dripfeed. I dunno 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Neurons · 30/09/2023 11:30

@QPWO great idea Thankyou!

OP posts:
Neurons · 30/09/2023 11:31

Has already tried CAB had an appointment that took 3 months but had new job start same day so had to choose between the two

OP posts:
Neurons · 30/09/2023 11:32

I will suggest social care Thankyou as I don’t think this has been an option thought of by my friend so far

OP posts:
TiredMamOfTwo · 30/09/2023 11:34

Can only get housing benefit for 6 months and that only pays for the interest on the mortgage. Nothing else.

Neurons · 30/09/2023 12:17

@TiredMamOfTwo do you know of any links to confirm that? I can then pass on that confirmation to her. She’s already had a mortgage break but says she can’t get housing benefit because she’s a part time uni student

OP posts:
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