I am a wreck of a mum. How do I get back on track?

[Xenatitus]

I have a 16 month old toddler.

Circumstances these past three years have seriously affected my mental health, my ability to cope with things, and consequently, my ability to be a good present mother for my child and a balanced woman. I am a complete different person to who I used to be.

I am now weak and have lost all resilience. I am a weak mother and I know it is affecting my son and things will get worse in the future. I am so scared of wrecking my son's mental health and future.

My mother is a strong and resilient woman, who did so much for both my sibling and I. The type of woman you would go to seek advice.

How do I get my act together? How do I become a strong woman - more resilient, more available, more rational, healthier and more patient?

Hi OP. Well done for aiming up! Doing so is a sign that you are already a responsible mother who is just going through a hard time.

it’s a little hard to suggest ideas from your post. Can you be any more specific about the areas you need to improve?

as a starting point, I would aim for basic self care to give yourself the best chance of mental resilience - sleep, healthy diet and exercise are all foundations of mental health. Being more positive in the way you talk about yourself is also a good start: you are not ‘weak’, you are ‘getting stronger’ etc. self-talk and the language we use has a powerful effect on the brain.

good luck. You sound admirable

Don’t be so hard on yourself! Takes courage and self-awareness to know we aren’t perfect and want to do better for your child.your wee one is young - all they need is someone who meets their basic needs, is available for cuddles and stories and tells them they are loved. Don’t try to be perfect - good enough is just fine. That’s what is wrong with this world people are under too much pressure to be perfect.

Can you talk to your mum?

As a PP says there is an expectation to be perfect and it's all an illusion.

So 16 months old, he has many months left yet before he remembers anything so please stop worrying about damage.

You can do "jobs" in the house/garden with your child, it might take longer but that doesn't matter. You can make simple, hands off almost dinners so most of the cooking takes place without you standing next to a pan.

Take this time to play with toys that you have the perfect excuse to play with now, teddy bear picnic? potato prints? I miss those days, I loved the small world play and made fantastic unappreciated at the time wooden train tracks with level crossings and perfectly positioned bus stops!

So help us out a bit? What are your examples of where you feel you are not present? Can you go to the park, on the swings and put your phone on silent? There is a simple joy in pushing a toddler on a swing because they know when the next push comes it's brilliant and they smile and squeak, you don't have to have a phone out and taking photos of every swing. If your phone is part of the problem.

It's puddle season, can you jump in puddles together, when you pick stuff up off the floor do a squat, you don't need to go to a gym to work out you can incorporate exercise moves in your day.

You can lie on the floor and bench press your child as a weight basically but they think it's the best game ever.

Get new books from the library it really doesn't matter what they are about they are all largely tedious at that age but you might find some joy in some pictures.

Baby steps OP, it will be ok.

Recognising that you want to make changes is surely the most important step.

I would say: be very very strict with yourself on social media use; remember that your child is still very young, and you are coping with a toddler, so you are already a hero; Get fresh air every day; respect your own opinions and trust yourself; remember there are lots of different ways to be a good parent; read with your child every day.