How much money is enough?

[Mrsfeckwittery]

Name changed but am curious.
I’ve read many threads on Mumsnet where folk seem to get absolute pelters for having a cushy life making me think that such comments come from a place of seething jealousy.
So if you have no mortgage, significant savings, adequate pension kicking in mid 50s and live well within your means, why would you continue to work or up your hours if you don’t want to or need to and everyone in your family is happy with that arrangement.

People’s tastes change over time and they develop a penchant for things like regular holidays, life coaches and expensive facials.

These cost money.

That's a bit much
Everyone has more than someone.
If you are pissed off a out someone having more then you then you are in for a tough ride wherever you go.

That seems to be a deliberate misinterpretation of what I wrote.

Someone stopping work (surgeon not a good example as there is a shortage of medical workers) perhaps makes a vacancy for someone 1 step down the rung to move into - which makes a vacancy at the next level, and so on.

And even if a vacancy is filled by someone at a similar level, it may have more pay, or better working hours for a family with eg nursery fees to pay or higher rent, that 'need' the job more.

I'm not like that. But a lot of people are.

Its true, sometimes Coronation Street or Loose Women is sprinkled into the conversation. Joking, obviously. I wasn't referencing all stay at home women, just housewives I know, and being from a traditional family there are quite a lot! We gravitate towards people we have something in common with I suppose, and I find myself the outsider in my dh's family because I have a successful career. Its also interesting that I'm considered quite pushy in my family with my dd's education. There is a bit if a mantra about finding a nice rich husband which seems to take priority over a decent higher education in my family. If I'm sarcastic about housewives this is why, but I do believe in each to their own.

My mum retired 15 years ago.

She worked all her life from when she was 16, in a whole variety of jobs.

Since she retired, she volunteers at the hospice where my dad died - she helps out at the charity shop they run, helps with every fundraising event they run.
She teaches patchwork and quilting (her hobby) as day and evening classes and is also on at least four committees of various crafting groups

She's never in, and is always doing stuff.

Is she working since she retired? Well, not for pay. But in practice it fulfills that sense of purpose and lots of people would call it work.

Incidentally many of the organistions she volunteers with are finding it harder and harder to get volunteers - so many people do paid work now that the voluntary sector is really struggling.

I just popped in on the way back from the gardening Threads. I am a man who is retired and I wish someone needed me.
We have a comfortable life, married 40+ years, DCs grown up etc. good pensions.

These are achievements, Because they are done, ended, banked, they no longer motivate.
I want to feel useful I could do hobbies, shed workshop etc. I have some mobility problems so a little limited. My brain seems as OK as it ever was.
Nobody wants my presence, nobody will rely on my contribution to anything again.
If people rely on your contribution please carry on doing whatever it is.

Nobody wants my presence,

Have you discovered just how many users there are in the world? I've had similar since developing mobility problems. People want to do what they want to do, they don't want to make allowance for someone who is less capable and if you can't keep up you're dropped. I'm sorry. The world can be a brutal place and people are usually only kind on the surface, it stops at the point where they have to put themselves out at all.

On the subject of organisations struggling to find volunteers, I sometimes think they're going about it the wrong way. Looking into it once, I found pages and pages of what were essentially job vacancies on one website for local volunteering opportunities. The positions required several interviews and I just didn't see the point. There was no sense of being glad people wanted to volunteer, no sense of finding out what a person's skills were and finding something they can do to help. It was very much a list of demands they had coupled with the expectation that after you'd jumped through hoops to prove yourself capable you'd give your time and energy for free. I don't know why anyone would apply under those circumstances, those positions should have been paid employment. If companies were more open and welcoming, appreciative of the fact people need to fit their volunteering in around their jobs, families or health needs, then perhaps they wouldn't have such trouble finding volunteers.

OP, I think you're right, a lot of it is jealousy. You've discovered how it feels to be not an average person, someone on the fringes of society. I got the same raised eyebrows and feeling that I wasn't a proper part of society when I didn't work due to health issues. For a start people think they can judge your health issues, their severity, your family circumstances and how big your bank balance is just by looking at you. They almost always are openly envious of the free time they think you have because you don't work and have an assumption that you're always available for whatever they want. There's no concept that your time may be taken up with other things, that stopping work may have been a conscious choice and necessary. Often they'll act as though you should apologize for being "lucky" you don't work. Even if someone is lucky eg a lottery win, why should that be sneered at instead of celebrated? Some people can't be happy for others, it's not in their nature. So I get it. "What do you do?" moves from being judged on (and sometimes dismissed as not valuable because of) your job, to being judged for existing as a human. The former is bad enough, an awful lot of people have jobs not careers and aren't defining their indentity whatsoever on "what they do", but the judgement for not working can be ten times worse. Most people work. If you don't you're an outsider regardless of the reason, it's not always a nice place to be.

I don't. That's why I early retired at 56.

So many ways to contribute to society apart from doing paid work. We were public sector workers so contributed in both social services and education, but in the end it ceased to be meaningful for both of us, due to insane management in both.

We have a lifetime of work behind us, and are enjoying early retirement. We still 'contribute' in various ways - my husband through volunteering, me through looking after our grandchild a few days a week and we're both tax payers.

You cut your coat according to your cloth - we have everything we want within reason. Having worked since 16 I certainly don't feel remotely guilty but feel fortunate that we're both on the same page with our finances and planned for our retirement accordingly. Separate finances but similar retirement income by the way - works for us.

@EleanorLucyG I hear you! I’ve done tons of volunteering over the years but I don’t get that warm fuzzy glow of feeling appreciated anymore and more the feeling that my free time was someone’s free resource. Was being asked to take on more and more responsibility that was way out my comfort zone.
But yes we are still very much judged on our job/work and the financial contribution made.

When we downsized and paid off our mortgage we both immediately dropped a day at work. Some friends couldn't understand why we would do that, voluntarily give up a day's pay each week.
Our outgoings are modest, we have some savings and enjoy a long weekend every week.

We get all our shopping, housework and admin stuff out the way on our days off (separate days off, we don't want to get sick of each other ) and then enjoy a lovely weekend doing nice things, or doing nothing depending on what we feel like.

Giving up work at 55 in my husband's family is almost a badge of honour. Even if they can't afford it they still do it. Then take great pleasure in expressing to everyone how life is so much better. I really don't care what they do but with their time, just like I didn't when they worked but it's the constant references to retirement that wear thin. It's not jealousy just irritation.

Do you think that some of the posters who do say "oh I have plenty of money I can now do what I like with my family's blessings" are not gloating and want jealously from others? Anyone, strangers on the internet as long as they are jealous the poster is happy.

What is the point in posting, oh look at me I can now be a woman that lunches I "really feel for those" having to battle through rush hour to get back to their childcare.

What is the point in that?

Fine to respond to a post with someone asking advise on how they can retire earlier, how they can make their money work harder, the advantage of pension contributions, but to just post a statement about how lovely your lovely life is and shouldn't everyone be pleased that your life is all lovely, it's a bit odd don't you think? Needy, show-off? I mean there is instagram and facebook for fantastic lovely look at how fortunate I am statements. What is there to advise or discuss on a "I am going to be fabulously time rich and wealthy" post? Apart from well done?

Have you looked at the men with sheds? I think community.

It began, and I am not an expert but I think began, with more senior men thinking that they found they had social awkwardness? about their mental health and just a place to feel invited to talk. But it grows, some sheds fix things, chat, make things. Once a week.

Perhaps you could look up a local group or start one yourself.

I think if I stopped working completely I'd go mad. 'Devil makes work for idle hands'.

But a work/life balance is crucial.

Too much work is also not healthy.

Dh and I both retired early.

he was 60 and I was 50. Part of it was because I could not justify taking a job that another person might actually need when I was doing it for shits and giggles.

That was 4 years ago.

Now i do temp work because since covid my sector (hospitality) is crying out desperately for workers.

Some people do want to work forever but they are very rare. The jealous people on retirement threads always claim that people's brains rot the day after retirement. Or that you must have missed out on life to be able to retire.
We retired early with exclamations of how lucky we are but we've actually planned it and save invested for years without missing out.
We went part time first and would have stayed that way if we couldn't have funded the whole thing.
Retiring fully means we can go on holiday every month, go off in our campervan for weeks on end, volunteer at the dog rescue and doing many other things without having to cram them into weekends and holidays. Do what we want 100% of the time not what someone else wants us to do.

Legally, £87 a week is what a single person needs to live on.

Personally, rather than what the law says, I'd find £250 a week after housing costs ample for a comfortable lifestyle and some holidays each year.

I'm retiring next year staged 57. I've worked hard all my life, looked after my nearest and dearest thought their terrible illnesses, my son died aged 18 from cancer, my mum the year after from a different cancer at 70, the next year my Dad was diagnosed with dementia and I looked after him, with the help of the care home, whilst working full time.

I'm exhausted and can't wait to have some me time. I've paid off my mortgage and have an income.

Maybe after a year or two of travelling and doing the things I haven't been able to do, catching up with family I might get bored. Will then look to volunteer.

I can't wait.