Son going off the rails

[rob38]

In the last 30 days by 13 year old son has been suspended 5 times and had a detention on 27 days. His deputy head teacher has stated that it is likely that he will have no move to a diffrent school.

I have spoken to my son at length about the importance of education and behaving well at school. I have tried various ways to encourage an improvement including praising him when he does something good at school, etc. but he has not really improved.

According to him he is choosing to misbehave. Despite knowing the he may have to leave the school if he continues, he does not care.

He is being supported by camhs. Is there anything I could do to snap him out of this behaviour? Thank you

Has his behaviour changed suddenly? Does he have more money than he has before? Is he going out a lot more or less than before? Has he recently got with or broken up with a girlfriend?

I agree with @Hellocatshome. Try to find out what has caused this change.

What is it that's going on?

Is he upset because the work is too hard? If so, he needs support. Can you afford a tutor or ask his teachers to provide extra help?

Is he being bullied? Has he become involved with a bad crowd? Are you getting divorced? Talk to him about why he is behaving the way he is.

This is so important. He gets one chance at an education and God help him if he doesn't get one. Ask him why he is doing this.

How are the school supporting him? With so many detentions and exclusions they and you have evidence that these aren't working so other than move him out how do they intend to help him? Have they brought in an ed psych, behaviour support team, asked for an EHC needs assessment? Moving him out without knowing the reasons for the behaviour and the support needed is dooming him to failure in the next school.

It is highly unlikely that this is a sudden change. Maybe a fresh start is a good thing? Does your dc need a more specialist setting? What has happened prior to this year?

Sounds like he wants to leave his current school and behaving like he has been is a way of ensuring it happens? The question is why? Bullying, countylines, gangs, relationship issues?

I would encourage you to find a good child psychologist for your son as soon as possible, whatever the cost. They will be able to find out what the real problem is.
Do not wait any longer to address this or you will regret it.

A child psychologist can be a life saver. Good luck.

Can I ask what CAMHS are supporting him with? Usually there has to be pretty serious behaviour before CAMHS get involved. What is there perspective?

their

Thank you for your messages. My son went through a terrible time with his mother during 2020. There was repeated Police involvement, and involvement by Social Services. In my opinion he has suffered abuse and neglect. In June this year, he started biting the skin off his hands (something he has done in the past), talking about suicide and recalling some traumatic experiences with his mum. At the same time as this he started misbehaving at school. I got him seen by camhs, and they are now supporting him. I am not sure what triggered the behavior in June. I have asked him why he is misbehaving at school, and he says it is because he is "bored". I have suggested that his school could make the lessons more challenging for him, but he has said that would be "annoying".

There's a very good group on FaceBook called Parenting Mental Health. They support parents to support their children. You could have a look at their page?
There's another well known and respected group called Not Fine In School. I think you will find many others in similar situations and a sympathetic ear.
If your son has experienced trauma, school doesn't appear to be helping him heal.