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Original poster

Personality disorder

16 replies

Giftsxmas · 28/09/2023 10:10

Firstly I'm so sorry if my post seems narrow minded or judgement in anyway. It's not meant to be I'm just trying to understand.

So my daughter is mid 20s. She had been diagnosed with personality disorder.

Shes quite young for her age.

Everything has to be a drama. And everything is exsatrated . She also has a self distruct button.

Examples can be. She took her 5 year old to the zoo. Then I get about 20+ messages possibly calls with her crying down the phone saying she can't cope. Now the 5 year old possibly has special needs it's being looked into. In a but he he cant mange a full day out , and you can't do to much with him. He will basically throw him self about scream kick throw thing etc. Says nasty things etc... now I 100% get this is not her fault. So because he is like this he has a disability buggy ... so when she messages/rings me the first thing I say is do you have his buggy ... her answer: NO

Also I may ask her what her plans are. She might say. Oh I'm going shopping , then mcdonalds, park and then softplay. I then tell her it will be to much for her son. She ignores me then we have the same situation as above.

She manages to argue with people on the bus . I really don't get how . It can be something so stupid such as someone knocked into her pushchair. Then she ages with people contacts me telling me how stressed she is.

Also sometimes she will contact me saying everything is going wrong her child's playoff up he won't do as he's told. He's trashing the house he keeps asking for this and that . Sometimes my son has gone to see her at her place and I have to message hi. To see whats going on. And ut turns out to be literally nothing.

Sorry I know this is written badly she does get alot of support .

I'm just wondering is her reaction to things apart of personality disorder?

OP posts:
Original poster
Giftsxmas · 28/09/2023 17:12

.

OP posts:
vapesareforsnakes · 28/09/2023 17:17

Is it Borderline Personality disorder she was diagnosed with?

Original poster
Giftsxmas · 28/09/2023 17:50

vapesareforsnakes · 28/09/2023 17:17

Is it Borderline Personality disorder she was diagnosed with?

Hi yes it is

OP posts:

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5 year olds
vapesareforsnakes · 28/09/2023 18:51

Yes her reaction is classic BPD. My sister will absolutely lose her shit at the smallest thing or inconvenience, even a change in tone of someone’s voice. She also finds simple things incredibly hard. She can turn on you in a flash and then torments my Mum telling her how everyone is out to get her. It’s very hard living with someone with BPD but it is even worse for them. One of the shittiest and most stimatised diagnosis of all.

Californiabound · 28/09/2023 18:57

If it was me I would stop trying to preempt outbursts and just make hmm there there noises once it inevitably happens. You can't change anything, so depends if you still want to have a relationship with them.

Mydogisagentleman · 28/09/2023 19:03

Who diagnosed her?
Our DD had the same diagnosis and was prescribed quetiapine.
She started university and was recently told that she has ADD.
First diagnosis by the local GP.

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 28/09/2023 19:04

Difficulty in regulating emotions is a classic part of BPD. Planning ahead and anticipating potential issues can help but ultimately she needs therapy.

Is it definitely BPD? A lot of women are diagnosed with BPD and then rediagnosed later with ASD. If son also has issues might this be what’s happening?

Californiabound · 28/09/2023 19:05

But then again any woman who has had difficulties or problems is automatically labelled as borderline, it's basically a slur at this point. Shut up women, bear your injuries and perform your role or you will be labelled as awful. Meh.

Mydogisagentleman · 28/09/2023 19:05

Can't work out how to edit it.
The next GP said that it should only be diagnosed by a psychiatrist and not under 20!

pinguins · 28/09/2023 19:05

Californiabound · 28/09/2023 18:57

If it was me I would stop trying to preempt outbursts and just make hmm there there noises once it inevitably happens. You can't change anything, so depends if you still want to have a relationship with them.

As it's OP's daughter, this kind of callous and invalidating behaviour you suggest is likely the cause of the BPD. Usually it's caused by the sufferer having been belittled and invalidated by an emotionally absent (or, conversely, stifling over-involved "I did everything for you" types who don't ever give the sufferer what they actually want or need) parent or parents. Assuming OP wasn't the one who caused this, it could be a major trigger if OP starts behaving like the person who hurt her daughter, who is clearly desperate for the approval and validation of her mother.

OP BPD is very treatable, your daughter needs DBT, the community mental health team might be able to arrange it, if not, consider going private. It will change everything if she engages with it.

CarrotJanice · 28/09/2023 19:07

Have you looked into problem solving groups? Is she involved with a local community mental health team? She can look into things like thought maps where you take a thought (I wanna kill that person on the bus who touched my buggy) and think about what lead up to it (anxiety, frustration, feeling judged) and really go sort of second by second. Doing this over and over and really analysing those thoughts and heightened emotions will help her understanding of what the points in the escalation are when she could try some techniques such as grounding or coping strategies before she gets completely overwhelmed by them. It'll be hard to begin with but maybe doing these maps of thoughts and emotions can be really useful.

vapesareforsnakes · 28/09/2023 19:20

pinguins · 28/09/2023 19:05

As it's OP's daughter, this kind of callous and invalidating behaviour you suggest is likely the cause of the BPD. Usually it's caused by the sufferer having been belittled and invalidated by an emotionally absent (or, conversely, stifling over-involved "I did everything for you" types who don't ever give the sufferer what they actually want or need) parent or parents. Assuming OP wasn't the one who caused this, it could be a major trigger if OP starts behaving like the person who hurt her daughter, who is clearly desperate for the approval and validation of her mother.

OP BPD is very treatable, your daughter needs DBT, the community mental health team might be able to arrange it, if not, consider going private. It will change everything if she engages with it.

Edited
Show quote history

This.

Original poster
Giftsxmas · 28/09/2023 20:14

Mydogisagentleman · 28/09/2023 19:03

Who diagnosed her?
Our DD had the same diagnosis and was prescribed quetiapine.
She started university and was recently told that she has ADD.
First diagnosis by the local GP.

My dd was proscribed that to. I think she may be on something else. Now

OP posts:
Original poster
Giftsxmas · 28/09/2023 20:24

pinguins · 28/09/2023 19:05

As it's OP's daughter, this kind of callous and invalidating behaviour you suggest is likely the cause of the BPD. Usually it's caused by the sufferer having been belittled and invalidated by an emotionally absent (or, conversely, stifling over-involved "I did everything for you" types who don't ever give the sufferer what they actually want or need) parent or parents. Assuming OP wasn't the one who caused this, it could be a major trigger if OP starts behaving like the person who hurt her daughter, who is clearly desperate for the approval and validation of her mother.

OP BPD is very treatable, your daughter needs DBT, the community mental health team might be able to arrange it, if not, consider going private. It will change everything if she engages with it.

Edited
Show quote history

I'm not planning on doing what californiabound suggested . No way. Point of my post was to understand it more . She gets alot of support from me. She drives me mad 🤣. But i will always support her. She's already under mental heath teams etc. Obviously that's between them and her so I don't know what gos on with that .

OP posts:
Original poster
Giftsxmas · 28/09/2023 20:27

CarrotJanice · 28/09/2023 19:07

Have you looked into problem solving groups? Is she involved with a local community mental health team? She can look into things like thought maps where you take a thought (I wanna kill that person on the bus who touched my buggy) and think about what lead up to it (anxiety, frustration, feeling judged) and really go sort of second by second. Doing this over and over and really analysing those thoughts and heightened emotions will help her understanding of what the points in the escalation are when she could try some techniques such as grounding or coping strategies before she gets completely overwhelmed by them. It'll be hard to begin with but maybe doing these maps of thoughts and emotions can be really useful.

That actually makes alot of sense thank you .I'm going to mention that to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Giftsxmas · 29/09/2023 08:18

What I find hard as well is. When she assadrates things. Its hard to work out when she truly needs help and when she does not . I have alot of my own stuff going on which is very stressful. But when she assdrates things. And it turns out she never did need me and not much is happening. It really drains Me. It also gos into a cry wolf situation. Then i kind do arms length support. Then it turns out she did need me then I feel shit. Other times she did not need me. So I don't know if I'm coming or going

OP posts:
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