The mental load

[losenotloose]

I've just had an argument with dh. I really don't want this thread to turn into a LTB thing because he has a lot of good qualities and nobody is perfect. But, god it's frustrating. I admit I'm a bit of a control freak and have possibly too high standards, but I would love if the mental load was not all on me.

Dh does everything to do with the garden, the car and general diy.

I do everything to do with cooking, meal planning and ordering the shopping. The thing is even if I'm going out I still have to think about dinner. In the argument we just had dh said basically he hates cooking and that's never going to change and he'd rather just have toast etc than cook. I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable to think that's not good enough. Dc are 15 and 17 so in a way can sort themselves out if necessary (they can only cook basics, beans on toast etc). Do I just need to chill out and accept if I don't cook we're having toast? I'm losing perspective...

Just don't cook for them, especially if you're not there. They're all old enough to cook a meal a week each, at least. If they don't do that, why should you cook for them all? Just stop doing it and they'll soon figure out what to do.

Who cleans and does the laundry?

Yes - just chill out and let them have beans on toast. I do all the cooking and meal planning - this is fine with me and DH contributes in other ways. But if I'm going out, I'll just leave them all to it (my DC are similar ages to yours) and accept they'll have something simple and easy.

Is there a reason why you have a 17 year old who can only manage beans on toast?

I know that's what I need to do. And not feel bad about it. I've done too much for too long.

I put the washing in and either of us hang it. I clean the bathroom and dh does vacuuming and dusting. He does do stuff but I feel I do more, and it's the organisation

17 year old says he hates cooking, he'll learn when he has to. I think the only answer is to stop doing it, and I'm going to.

Well most of us don't like cooking but it's kind of essential if we want to eat and can't afford to pay someone to do it for us, don't want to eat processed food all the time etc.

When you're a household of 4 people it's absolutely not on that only one of them ever cooks anything decent. You are not solely responsible for cooking for everyone.