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Original poster

Has anybody never struggled with their mental health?

29 replies

Electroliz · 27/09/2023 15:56

Personally I have struggled with my mental health ever since I had my kids and have been on medication for it for 16 years now. My sister on the other hand has never struggled with her mental health and says that although she gets down she can identify why and know what to do to fix herself sleep, food, exercise and so on. She also does yoga and meditation daily and has since her early 20's. I think she feels sad at times and suffers emotionally like everyone does and she has had very difficult painful things in her life but unlike me her mind doesn't drag her down into a pit she can't climb out of. When I get depressed, or anxious it is like nothing can stop me going down even if I am able to reason out why I feel that way I don't feel like I can control it. We had the same up bringing, parents so I wonder why why are so different in that respect, neither of out parents seem to struggle either.

I know lots of people do really struggle with their mental health and I often feel like more people struggle than not but perhaps that is not the case.

If you have never struggled with your mental health why do you think that is?

OP posts:
ThreeRingCircus · 27/09/2023 16:04

I have never struggled and honestly I think it's luck! I think some people are just wired that way.

I have strong family relationships, I'm close to my extended family and also DH and I have a strong marriage.... I can talk to him about anything, we are financially stable etc and I think that helps. My mum has depression but had a shit childhood so I'm not really surprised.

However I think you can have everything going for you and still struggle. My brother has anxiety and we had the same upbringing, he's got a lovely wife and kids, great house etc but his mental health isn't great. I honestly think it's a lottery, but doing things like your sister is (fitness, nutrition, meditation etc) won't hurt.

InterFactual · 27/09/2023 16:05

My sister claimed she never struggled with her mental health. Feelings were beneath her, she was a massive proponent of the 'fake it to make it' approach and used to convince herself to feel whatever emotions benefited her at the time. In hindsight I realise this went beyond just convincing herself she was happy in boring jobs etc. It became twisted to darker ends, she would use the approach to convince herself that feeling guilty when you've done something wrong is for losers and that you can achieve anything if you dont let pesky feelings get in your way.

She had what I believe was a mental breakdown as she approached menopause. Her steadfast belief that she wasn't the sort of person to suffer mental health issues and her belief that they weren't real problems is what led her to spiralling.

I've no idea where she is now, she could be dead for all I know, nor do I care. She was bitter, cruel and did some unspeakably evil things.

I don't believe anyone ever has perfect mental health. It's a spectrum and some do better than others but you can't live 80 years on this planet without having downs as well as ups. Anyone who says otherwise is oppressing some pretty dark stuff in my opinion. I don't trust anyone who fakes it to make it. It means one of two things. Either they haven't lived long enough to encounter the problems or they're lying.

Original poster
Electroliz · 27/09/2023 16:10

@InterFactual I don't think it is that nobody ever suffers and my sister never claimed that but some people do seem to handle the ups and downs of life better than other and even just have better coping skills, boundaries etc. That is just a fact and I am open to learning from those people.

@ThreeRingCircus I agree its probably a combination of luck, biology and perhaps just finding the right skills to fall back on before you get dragged under by your own mind.

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StarDolphins · 27/09/2023 16:10

i don’t suffer from mental health issues (yet) and I had a neglectful upbringing (alcoholic parents & neglect). I think it’s luck. I can get down/fed up/stressed but I can usually pinpoint it to something & I can easily tell myself nothing stays bad long & I soon bounce back.

losing my DD would change all this of course & losing my dog I can also see will be a disaster for my mh.

I am lucky in that although I’m not poor, I am comfortable so don’t have money worries & I’m healthy so don’t have health worries - again, this might mean I could have mh issues.

I don’t take my current situation for granted.

RufustheFactualReindeer · 27/09/2023 16:10

Ive been sad about stuff but I wouldn’t call that a mental heath issue

i don’t generally get stressed i have never suffered with anxiety or depression

as another poster has said i think its pretty much just luck, i have family members who have struggled with with depression and anxiety particularly

Ohthatsabitshit · 27/09/2023 16:14

Much of what is described now as MH was just part of life before. Like children who were nd were often just thought of as disruptive or weird. Same people, same experience just different interpretations.

SeptemberSky · 27/09/2023 16:15

I’ve never struggled. I don’t expect life to be easy, very much expect swings and roundabouts. I keep my life very simple, not on social media other than mumsnet, only stay friends with people who make me feel good and I can laugh with. I read at bedtime (historical romance or light mystery novels), get out in the fresh air every day even briefly. Gave up alcohol as I was waking up at 3 am a bit anxious. I am nearly 60. I think some people have good reason to have mental health problems (horrible lives they struggle to change) and some people navel gaze too much.

PerfectMatch · 27/09/2023 16:16

Me. Of course I feel sad or stressed sometimes, but it's never tipped into anything I would call depression or anxiety (or even close).

I had a happy childhood, but I have family members who also had good childhoods and do suffer from mental health issues so I think it's mainly luck. My dad is a very content positive person and I'm the same.

ssd · 27/09/2023 16:22

Ive never seen dh strugg

pilates · 27/09/2023 16:22

I haven’t struggled with mental health and nor have any of my family. Not sure if that is genetics or luck tbh. It’s very worrying that many young people are suffering with poor mental health. Do you think social media plays a part?

Original poster
Electroliz · 27/09/2023 16:26

@pilates I think social media does play a part for teens and even for me, social media often makes me feel unhappy if i don't monitor what I look at.

OP posts:
LetMeEnfoldYou · 27/09/2023 16:27

I never struggled until I hit a point where various crises happened all at once; I've never been the same since and I don't think I'm done with the fall out yet.

Goodbyegreysky · 27/09/2023 16:28

@Electroliz What kinds of things on social media? I sometimes feel like that a bit after Instagram

MintJulia · 27/09/2023 16:28

I've never struggled.

I had a thoroughly miserable childhood, and adult life so far has seemed much more within my control, something I can generally do something about if there is a problem. It's easier to deal with. So it's either luck or that in comparison, me being an adult is better.

I had a two day wobble when I was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago, but that was more worrying about leaving my ds unprotected, and was over pretty quickly. I think that was just the shock. Once I got my head round it, I was back to normal.

user1846385927482658 · 27/09/2023 16:33

Siblings don't have identical childhoods. They're different people, living at different times, being treated differently, with different personalities, different relationships and different experiences.

Just because your sister doesn't have health difficulties but you do, that doesn't mean it's your fault.

Same as if you developed diabetes but your sister didn't. That wouldn't be your fault either. It's not a character flaw to have health struggles.

user1846385927482658 · 27/09/2023 16:35

I'm saying that because your post reads like you think you're somehow the "faulty" sibling because you struggle when your sister doesn't. It's not true.

WetsuitRevolutionary · 27/09/2023 16:36

A family friend was in a Japanese POW camp and saw unspeakable acts of cruelty. After getting back home he said he could never be unhappy again, because basically nothing could ever compare to what he'd witnessed.
So I think sometimes there's an incorrect assumption that people who don't struggle with MH problems have somehow sailed through life with no problems.

Beezknees · 27/09/2023 16:40

Me. Very surprisingly considering my mum has always had severe depression, my bio dad took drugs and was neglectful, my stepdad treated me badly, my first boyfriend was abusive and knocked me up when I was 17, I lived in a hostel briefly with my baby when I was 18, and have been lone parenting ever since.

I've purposely hardened myself and keep people at arm's length though due to all of that. I suppose I have issues but I've never been anxious or depressed and I've never needed medication.

ReeseWitherfork · 27/09/2023 16:44

I generally don’t, just one isolated incident. When my twins were between the ages of about 2 and 5 months I was really suicidal. They had some complexities and cried around the clock, and I had an elder child of 2/3. Perinatal mental health concluded that I didn’t actually have PND, just a tough set of circumstances.

But because I’d never struggled with depression or anxiety, I had a serious lack of techniques to help me through.

I do eat OK, do yoga and pilates, have a good support system etc., but actually I think it’s just pure luck. The chemicals in my brain are well balanced or something.

hattie43 · 27/09/2023 16:48

No. I don't know why but I think I am quite pragmatic and resilient. I don't get overwhelmed by things and bin off any toxic friendships/ relationships very quickly .

Teddleshon · 27/09/2023 16:48

I've never struggled, I didn't have a great upbringing and was sent to boarding school which I absolutely loathed. I do that thing of just not dwelling on things and I know it certainly doesn't work for everybody but it does for me. I also spend a lot of time outside with horses and dogs which I'm sure makes a big difference.

My DH had an absolutely horrendous family but he is similar to me. We spend a lot of time laughing about how awful our parents were (not abusive, just incredibly selfish and neglectful).

I am not minimising any one else's suffering of course.

Blackblueandgold · 27/09/2023 16:51

I've never struggled. I've had a pretty easy life. No deaths of people close to me, no money worries, nothing traumatic has happened to me. Not sure if that's why.

Ladyoftheknight · 27/09/2023 16:52

I haven't, and am very grateful for it. My upbringing was tricky, but privileged, and I recognise that is a large reason why I don't struggle mentally.

I practice mindfullness and take time to myself to keep my mental health stable, especially when stressful situations are going on, which does help me keep uplifted. I'm glad that's all I need to do to feel good, it's a privilege few have.

Vetoncall · 27/09/2023 16:56

I have never struggled with my mental health. I think a lot of it is the luck of the draw, fortunate genetics and just being a naturally resilient person. It's just how I'm wired, I don't get easily stressed or wound up and don't get into overwhelming or catastrophic thinking patterns. I have strong feelings and emotions but they don't control me, I don't dwell and I'm good at compartmentalising things. Not to say it's all been roses all the time, my parents divorced when I was a child and I've experienced stress, upset and grief, but I've always had a belief deep down that I can get through it and things will work out in the end.

I fully recognise that I've been fortunate in life with family, friends, health, education, relationships, career, money etc. though. I've always had and still have time and money to spend on things that are important to me - my dogs, extensive travel, exercise. I walk my dogs daily and CrossFit/gym 6 days a week - prioritising that time, being outdoors as much as possible and being physically fit and strong definitely makes me feel better/stronger overall.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 27/09/2023 17:00

I have been through some tough times - lost my dad when l was in my 20's, had a very ill sibling who will never be quite right again, that kind of thing but l allow myself time to come to terms with it and l know feeling sad is ok.
So no l wouldn't say l have ever suffered with mental health issues.