Will - who are you leaving your money to?

[Werehalfwaythere]

We're a cohabiting couple who's been together nearly 20 years. Three young children. No immediate plans to marry although may in the future if we want to (not looking for advice on this).

I've been wondering how best to allocate our assets if one of us dies... we are still under 40 so realistically, if one of us dies, the odds are that the other will likely meet someone else, who probably already has their own children.

I'm hesitant to leave my money just to my partner in case, if I die, he does go on to meet someone else who becomes eligible for some of his (my) money if they divorce or he dies.

I would want him to be financially secure and in turn my children, but I don't want my money diluted by another family. I hope that makes sense! I want as much as possible to be spent on my partner and our children.

I feel the same about his money too, of course.

What do you all have planned in your wills? Does your partner/husband get everything? Or have you made trusts for the kids to safeguard some from potential future step parents etc?

Any other tips?

• we co-own a house with around £300k equity in it. We have life insurance so the house would be paid off.

• approx £20k in savings each, in savings accounts

• potential inheritance from my side in the future but irrelevant ATM as hopefully no for a long time and can change will then if required.

Going to visit a solicitor next week but want to have thought of all options before we proceed. Thanks!

You can leave money in trust. But in your situation if you died without a will the children would get the money and your partner would have to sue them for the money. It happens.

So have a will. The usual thing to do is just to leave everything to your partner and then it's their job to ensure your children are taken care of.

If you have concerns that they aren't mature enough to do that then you can leave the money in trust so that your widower has the use of it to look after the kids...but it goes to them when he dies or at another age.

I'm in the situation of being the stepmother (the kids mum is still alive) and we've got a fairly complicated will to try and ensure that I don't lose the home I jointly own with my husband but the kids get a fair share and don't have to wait for me to die to get their hands on it.

we are a similar age.

i specified my jewellery would go to my daughter. Husbands watched to our son.

car goes to my sister who is executor (so she can sell and use money for funeral costs).

we discussed the situation you’re describing. (If OH were to have more kids if I died first) and have specified in the will a specific savings account of mine would be held in trust for DD&DS. (it’s not a hugs sum. But would mean they have something from « me »/my side of the family if I die first. As any children OH had with a new partner would obviously get things from their mum/grandparents etc.

OH knows I’m done with having kids so did not make the same arrangement the other way.

all our assets otherwise if we both die would be used for our children’s costs and then the remainder held in trust for them as adults.

i hate thinking about bout it..:
best just to do it and then put to one side!

I have a mirror will with my DH, so if I die absolutely everything goes to him, and if he dies absolutely everything goes to me.
When we've both died, everything will be split equally between the kids, with a small provision for the grandchildren.

All goes to DW (& her will leaves it all to me). What happens after that is down to the recipient. You need a solicitor OP not a bunch of randoms on the internet.

How do you co own the home? Tennants in common or joint tenancy?

With one you can will your half to your children. With the other it goes to your partner automatically.

When I was married it was

• my half of house in trust, dh to live in it til after a year of cohabitation with someone else, could also sell and buy elsewhere but house remaining in trust
• cash to him

-life insurance to him to pay off mortgage

There is no way I would leave everything directly to him, to then end up with someone elses family and mine disowned. I love my kids too much for that

We own our house as tenants-in-common, 50% each. We’ve both left our share to the kids, with a life interest to the other - so, for example, if I die, the kids own half a house, my husband still owns his half, and can live in the place until death, or sell and buy something else, but the kids own 50% always (it’s a bit more complicated to explain, but that’s the basic position). The survivor could change that and leave his/her half elsewhere. We have individually left specified sums/percentages of money to each other, grandchildren and, in my husband’s case, another family member. If we die together, the kids get the whole house and any money that isn’t specifically left to others.

See a solicitor.

Tenants in common here too for our main home. But survivor has to maintain and if they remarry then the dc get their share. Everything else to DH.
I would never put our house in trust to the dc, an acquaintance did this, unfortunately their son died and his surviving wife almost took their home.

That's not possible if it was in trust. Perhaps it wasn't in trust and had been directly left to him?

100% to each other. I would think this is the way to go while the children are under 18 as the surviving parent will likely have many challenges raising the children to adulthood on a single salary. You can always redo the will once the children are no longer dependent.
I would rather risk my children not having an inheritance (nobody is entitled to one) than risk them experiencing financial hardship in childhood and make my grieving partner’s life harder than it needs to be.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

It's not that I think my partner would actively choose to squander any money or that they're immature as one poster suggested.

It's that there's a strong likelihood that they'd meet a woman with kids and legally, they may then have a stake in the money that's intended for my children and partner.

Thanks for those who suggested we visit a solicitor, that's precisely what we're doing next week as I appreciate it's complicated and legal.

I get what people are saying about leaving 100% to partner so the kids are comfortable in childhood. I guess in our situation, my husband has a very well paid job and he already pays all the bills, so if he could maintain that, then he'd be fine financially. But that isn't guaranteed I guess, things change.

I'm wondering if it makes best sense (if possible) to leave everything to partner except a smaller set amount for each child in a trust for a house deposit. That way everyone is financially comfortable when they need it.

And, as much as this sounds patronising, I maybe need to make OH aware of legal entitlements of any future partner so that he's aware that he could unassumingly lose money. He's a bit naive in some ways and I don't think he'd think of these things.

Thanks for the ideas, very much appreciated!

We own as tenants in common 50/50. My half goes to my children but he gets to stay until he dies or wants to sell or vice versa. I'm the beneficiary of his life assurance and also of my exh's (not complaining). As we are already blended it's complicated but we trust each other to do right

I can’t remember what it’s called but you can set up a structure so your children inherit your half of the house but your partner has rights to live there for as long as he’s alive. That way if he got divorced from a subsequent spouse, ‘your’ half of the house is not a marital asset, but equally, he has security around his living situation. I assume if he wanted to sell the house, the half that was willed to your children would he distributed at that point, which may or may not be desirable. It’s a tricky one.

I think your suggestion of separating off a smaller pot god each of you children might be a good compromise. Leaving ‘everything’ to your kids to protect it from future spousal claims sounds like it might be more drawbacks than it’s worth.

@gogomoto do you remember if you had to specify this on your life insurance policy? Or just in your will?

How old is your husband

Are you not worried he may remarry,or get taken advantage of in his old age if you've passed away first

Another couple with mirror wills here.

DH is fifteen years older than me, so I thought it was worth a punt 🤭

OP specifically did not ask for advice re getting married, so I shall content myself by explaining that I decided to get married when I worked out the IHT that would be payable if either of us inherited without being married.

Romantics r us

@FinallyHere ok, you've got me 😊 what's are the inheritance tax implications for unmarried partners?

I'm not against marriage, we're actually engaged. But I also don't particularly want it and he's not bothered either way, so we haven't bothered.

(I also think there are some advantages to not being married, the hassle and cost of seperating being one, although no current plans to!).

I think there's far more hassle and cost to separating if you aren't married, if you have kids, house etc etc. At least with a divorce it's usually fairly obvious how much you will get - for both parties.

@BarrelOfOtters what extra hassles are there? We own 50% of the house each, that's not dictated by marriage but our type of mortgage.

Child custody and maintenance payments would be decided in the same way as it is for married couples as we're both on the birth certificates.

What else would be more hassle?

I believe it's best to hold the house as Tenants in Common, that way you can each Will your share however you want, ie to your children.

It also has the benefit that if the survivor goes into a care home later in life, only their share of the house value can be taken into consideration for care home fees, as they only own that part & not the total house value.

car goes to my sister who is executor (so she can sell and use money for funeral costs).
@Tiredchicken She shouldn't use her inheritance for funeral costs, they come out of the estate before any bequests are handed out.

And if your husband remarries, he will likely leave everting to his wife and your kids will get nothing.

This happens all the time, I know so many kids who get not a penny of their mums estate.

One one and only child will inherit everything. I'm not married and don't have a partner.

The only way that you can guarantee your children will get anything is to leave it directly to them.

Good legal advice will help you work out how to do that.

I have seen too many times, where the "original" family/children end up with nothing because the husband remarried and everything went to the wife and her children.

You can't depend on anyway to provide for them other than yourself.

Even life insurance is not safe, because it can be challenged. I know somebody whose relatively short term partner challenged the life insurance left to his adult children and she won, because she had been living with him and was classed as a dependent.

If I were to ever remarry I would put half of my property into my daughters name, in order that she gets something.

Mirror wills. Everything left to the other partner. If we both die split fifty fifty between our two kids.