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Is this okay to say to friend or am I BU?

7 replies

travellerok · 26/09/2023 14:33

Good friend moved to Malaga a few years ago. We keep in touch every week and see each other occasionally, mainly when she comes here for work or one time I visited Malaga with my family for a city break, stayed in a hotel and we met up for a day.

Friend and I have been trying to arrange a girls weekend / city break away just the two of us, which would be my first ever night(s) away from my DD who is now 3.5. We were looking at Paris as we both like it there and had found a spa hotel which looked amazing, plus it's halfway between us both, but we were flexible about location and not wedded to Paris. The weekend away is a big deal for me as my DP goes away a lot but I never have, and since DD was born I've not missed a single bathtime. I've had a bit of PND and a tough few years with a toddler. So from my perspective it's as much about doing something for me, and taking the step of time away from my DD and letting DH be in charge of her for a whole weekend, as much as it is about seeing my friend and having some laughs too.

Although a part of me feels sad about leaving my DD (I know it's silly!) I was starting to get quite excited about the prospect of travelling alone, getting a flight, staying in a hotel room just for me, and feeling like a person again, iyswim.

Anyway friend has now said that she's struggling with her finances and won't be able to afford Paris anymore. This is fine and I understand. She has instead invited me to stay at her place in Malaga. I'm in two minds because although I can't wait to see her, I was partially looking forward to treating myself to a hotel stay (I've set aside the money already) and having a bit of R&R. If I stay at hers I will be sleeping on the sofa and sharing with her, her partner and their 12-year old. Their apartment is fairly small so I won't get much privacy.

If you were the friend would you be offended if I said I'd rather stay in a hotel, or wait until she can afford the trip to another city together? I don't know how to word the bit about staying in a hotel without it sounding rude towards her invitation into her home. But honestly a massive part of this trip was about me having a bit of R&R for me as well.... Not sure if this makes sense or sounds entitled!

OP posts:
Freezingcoldinseptember · 26/09/2023 14:35

Just say you wouldn't want to intrude so you have booked x hotel but will make plans every day with her if that's the schedule she wants!

Quartz2208 · 26/09/2023 14:35

I would say Malaga sounds lovely but that you are happy to get a hotel room can she recommend one close to her

lurchermummy · 26/09/2023 14:35

Is there any way you could offer to treat the friend? YANBU but at the same time she's been honest with you about her finances. I think if you explain it as you have to us, she shouldn't be upset with you.

Strawberryfieldsforeverrr · 26/09/2023 14:42

I think its absolutely fine to tell her you'll stay in a hotel as your looking forward to have a lay in etc.

Thinkbiglittleone · 26/09/2023 14:45

I don't think your friend should be upset with you. If you tell her exactly how you have here.
Could you maybe stretch to a 2 bed hotel and although it's in her home town now, she could stay with you maybe and then maybe she feels like she gets a break from her home life and it may be easier spending your days together as she may get swamped up in home life and your plans go a bit off.
But no, of course it makes sense to stay in a hotel to feel like a holiday.

lemonsinlife · 26/09/2023 15:19

Ok, thank you! I'll see what she says and hope I can explain it in a way that makes sense!

MuggleMe · 26/09/2023 22:52

Why don't you see if she'll go halves on a hotel room? Cheaper than a full city break as she doesn't have to pay for travel.

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