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Original poster

What would you do? Please help!!

16 replies

HNA · 25/09/2023 18:14

Just after some opinions/advice really as I'm not sure what to do!

My son and his friend had a joint birthday party recently and his friend's mum and I agreed that we would split all costs 50/50.

Unfortunately, his friend and mum both fell ill on the weekend of the party, and didn't let me know until 6.30pm the night before. I asked if she wanted to reschedule a couple of times, but her and her husband both said no as they thought we'd lose a lot of money (hall, entertainer etc).

We went ahead with the party the day after.

Now I haven't seen the mother since as she's still been unwell, but I am worried about what we should do about costs/settling money.

The way we organised it was that I paid for the hall, and she paid for the entertainer and food and then split costs at the end. I am happy to pay for my half, but I don't want to be left paying for the whole thing, but understand that it's not her fault that her son was not able to attend the party.

Has anyone been in this kind of situation before? And how did you get it sorted? We haven't spoken about it yet, but I was thinking of asking her what she wants to do and then go from there.

Her son is my son's best friend, so I really don't want to make things awkward but I can't afford to pay for a whole party, and her son did end up getting presents from everyone who came (not a cost obviously but just to note he did).

Please help!!!

OP posts:
ghostbusters · 25/09/2023 18:19

Who has paid for what so far? Do either of you have anything left to pay for? Did you have to pay for food on the day of the party?

Original poster
HNA · 25/09/2023 18:25

I've paid for the hall and she paid for food and the entertainer - we haven't settled up yet and those are the only costs.

I ended up buying and remaking some of the food on the day as their whole house had a sick bug and I felt funny about giving out sandwiches they had made, but I don't want reimbursing for that as it was our choice.

OP posts:
Positive41 · 25/09/2023 20:29

If her son received presents, she should honour the commitment imo.

NuffSaidSam · 25/09/2023 20:31

How much was the hall and the food and entertainer? Who owes who money? I would imagine the entertainer and food were more?

Dacadactyl · 25/09/2023 20:33

Yes if her son received presents, she should pay up.

I think it's very bad form for her not to have addressed this with you at the time she pulled put tbh!

Gemstar3 · 25/09/2023 20:34

In that scenario, if I were the sick one, I’d be really proactive about paying and ensuring you knew I was still honouring my side of the deal. So if she’s still ill, I’d leave it until she’s fully recovered and see if she offers. Let’s face it, if she’d organised a party alone, she would have paid for everything and still lost out.

Could you afford a less equal split if she suggested it? Not that I necessarily think you should, but if she wasn’t happy to pay half, could you afford 60-40? Might be a suggestion worth having up your sleeve?

Original poster
HNA · 25/09/2023 21:47

Yes food and entertainer was more than what I've paid so far. If all went ahead as normal, we would have totalled food and entertainer spend and split, minus the cost of the hall if that makes sense? I'm not trying to get out of paying anything I'm just trying to navigate what to do 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
HNA · 25/09/2023 21:51

She was quite poorly when we sorted all the party stuff out, and is still unwell now so I've said to her to let me know when she's better so we can sort things xx

OP posts:
Original poster
HNA · 25/09/2023 21:53

Gemstar3 · 25/09/2023 20:34

In that scenario, if I were the sick one, I’d be really proactive about paying and ensuring you knew I was still honouring my side of the deal. So if she’s still ill, I’d leave it until she’s fully recovered and see if she offers. Let’s face it, if she’d organised a party alone, she would have paid for everything and still lost out.

Could you afford a less equal split if she suggested it? Not that I necessarily think you should, but if she wasn’t happy to pay half, could you afford 60-40? Might be a suggestion worth having up your sleeve?

Yes that's how I've left with her - to let me know when she's feeling better to sort everything as there's no rush.

I was planning on asking her what she wants to do and go from there. She might say 50/50 still or 60/40 which I'd be happy with. It's just if she turned around and said that I should cover the whole cost I'd be a bit shocked

OP posts:
kittenseverywhere · 25/09/2023 22:05

She should pay her part. This is just life, things like this happen and sometimes we lose money or experiences because of it.

chopc · 25/09/2023 22:34

Thing is when she said not to reschedule you should have spelt out that you can't afford the whole cost alone. But you didn't. Now she is in a situation where she has to pay for the cost of your son's party . How would you feel if it was the other way round?

Original poster
HNA · 26/09/2023 20:45

chopc · 25/09/2023 22:34

Thing is when she said not to reschedule you should have spelt out that you can't afford the whole cost alone. But you didn't. Now she is in a situation where she has to pay for the cost of your son's party . How would you feel if it was the other way round?

If it was the other way around I would honour what our original agreement was - paying for half, not all. I haven't demanded money off herz and won't do that. I will let her decide what she wants to do. Her son got presents from the party too, so it's not like he missed out completely.

OP posts:
lilsupersparks · 26/09/2023 20:52

She hasn’t said she’s not paying has she? I would stick for 50-50 but it would be nice to maybe offer to take her son out for a soft play ‘party’ with just yours or around to your house for ‘party’ tea and cake? Poor lad missing his party ❤️

I mean, if you can afford 60-40 it would be nice to offer. But it doesn’t sound like she is trying to get out of paying - more like you aren’t sure how much you owe her?

Original poster
HNA · 26/09/2023 21:02

lilsupersparks · 26/09/2023 20:52

She hasn’t said she’s not paying has she? I would stick for 50-50 but it would be nice to maybe offer to take her son out for a soft play ‘party’ with just yours or around to your house for ‘party’ tea and cake? Poor lad missing his party ❤️

I mean, if you can afford 60-40 it would be nice to offer. But it doesn’t sound like she is trying to get out of paying - more like you aren’t sure how much you owe her?

No and I don't think she is at all, I just haven't seen her to sort it out. As it stands I owe her more to make up my half. I'm just trying to work out what to do/see what other people have done in a similar situation, and trying to avoid any awkward situations.

We did say we would do a park playdate with the class to make up for it ☺️ but they've both been ill so haven't seen them yet.

OP posts:
lilsupersparks · 26/09/2023 22:11

I think it’s going to be fine, but understand your anxiety. X

BeaLola · 26/09/2023 23:44

If it had been me and my DS that were poorly I would still pay half and I would probably have made that clear at time of telling you we couldn't go as poorly (although if so poorly I guess it may have slipped my mind) - definitely I would expect still to pay half.

Out of interest were all the attendees mutual friends of both boys or did you have friends of her DS's that you didn't know attend ?

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