How to cope when there's a favourite child

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My inlaws favour one of their children. Quite clearly. And their favourite child's children are also clearly her favourite grandchildren.

How do others cope in this situation? My DH says it's always been the way yet he still takes my DSC to go and visit and invites them round here. Now we have a shared DC I feel I have skin in the game and am not too keen on her being in this situation but perhaps I should just leave that to my DH.

I think more detail is needed - how are they demonstrating their favouritism? How obvious is it?

I think maintain the relationship but don’t put much effort in. And when your child starts to notice, validate their feelings and tell them that yes, they’re not imagining it and no, it isn’t fair. That’s how my mother dealt with my grandmother (her MIL) having favourites (I wasn’t one of them). It was fine. I learnt to roll my eyes and roll with it. I had other grandparents and other relatives and family friends who loved me.

We became as disinterested in them as they were in us. When my DC were very young we made lots of effort with the in-laws and tried to include them. Their favouritism didn’t just stop at their favourite adult child and their favourite adult children’s children though, they started picking favourites between my DC. As soon as they started doing that we pulled right back and now we barely see them.

Incredibly- will ask favourite child when they ate available and if they aren't then the others get a look in. Photos of favourite child and grandchildren all over the house and a couple on the mantle of the others. Once you notice it I noticed it everywhere.

The favourites get served first at family gatherings. Introduced first. Kids never badmouthed when behave badly but the others are. Big up the school reports of the favoured grandchildren. Heirlooms being promised etc. All quite alien to me.

Yes I think I'd draw the line at that. There's already an element of me being my DH's second wife.

Ok thank you. Yes the eldest DSC had definitely noticed.

My (late) MIL was like that - her daughter's kids were taken for days out, had sleepovers, holidays, etc. Mine never got a look in. We didn't realise a lot of it until MIL's funeral, when the 3 adored GC stood up and spoke about all their wonderful times and memories of/with MIL. My own kids sat there baffled and upset.

Honestly, I generally think that it's a sign of insecurity on the part of the parents, or that they're the type of person who is always checking anxiously to see whether someone else got a bigger slice of cake than they did. I have absolutely no idea who is the favourite child, and/or favourite grandchild, of my PILs, because I've never gone about counting photographs, or monitored the amount of time spent with each grandchild.

I know I'm not the favourite DIL (for DH's 40th birthday, his parents gave him an embossed photograph album containing 200 photos from his entire life -- I've been with him since we were students, so have been there at all his big occasions (21st, all graduations, as well as providing them with a grandchild the year before DH turned 40), and I made it into a grand total of two photos, one student group photo at a ball! ), but you know, I can't say it concerns me unduly.

Whilst i agree that some grandparents definitely do have favourites sometimes it can just look like that but not actually be true! A big example I've noticed is that the perceived favourites are often the children of their DD not their DS. This is because a DD will often let her DM look after her dgc much more than a DIL will! I could turn up at my DD home and announce im going to take my dgc out to the park and for their dinner and my DD and SIL will be grateful for the break and happily agree. Whereas i have to make an appointment days in advance with my DIL and DS to see my dgc and am often met with a list of rules and regulations before i am allowed to see them or take them out! It becomes off putting and more hassle than it's worth! However i adore all my dgc and love them all equally!

@iamwhatiam23 I completely understand that. It is not the case here. The other sibling has also commented on it. It is almost just an open thing! I'm almost tempted to just come out and say it and clear the air!

That is so so sad. I'm sorry.