How do I stop comparing my family to our friends?

[stopcomparingmyself]

Best friends and I have had babies at the same time. I adore them both individually and as a couple and want nothing but the best for them and their DC. It was exciting to be pregnant and give birth within weeks of each other. But now I’ve begun to compare our family and our baby with theirs. I know it’s rubbish but I can’t stop.

They both have well earning jobs with advanced degrees, both of their parents are involved with taking care of the baby (and one’s mum has even moved closer to provide full-time care). They live in a posh area and are both working part time so they can spend more time with baby. They also have baby enrolled in a lovely nursery for occasional days when grandprents aren’t available. Baby has hit all of its milestones early (walking independently at 10 months, etc). I’m chuffed to bits for them, honestly I am.

But at the same time I feel rubbish about what my own baby is getting. This is our second so baby doesn’t get the full attention of a first. DH and I are in professional positions but not high earning and need to work loads to make ends meet. Baby goes to a nursery that is adequate but not especially caring, but we didn’t have any other option. We don’t have family nearby and my own mum is an alcoholic so wouldn’t trust her with baby anyway. (We are mostly no contact). Baby is still not walking or pulling up and spends so much time being carted about with the older DC. Etc etc.

I realise these comparisons are useless but I can’t help but feel guilty that my baby is getting what feels like second class treatment from birth. Any advice appreciated, I’m feeling so low today.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Think about what you do have and not what you don't. Some people would give anything to have what you have I know it's hard to think like that when you are feeling low. And also remember people don't share their struggles, your friend might feel jealous of what you have and you wouldn't know. Honestly just focus on you and being the vedt version of yourself for you and you family. Sending love xx

Your baby has a sibling! That’s lovely for him/her. When the babies are both 10, or 5, or even 3, no one will care whether they walked at 10 months or 14 months etc.

As another PP said, comparison is the thief of joy. You have a lovely family, be in the present and enjoy them. Count your blessings and focus on the positive. Comparisons lead to envy and poor mental health.

Keep an eye on the milestones but forget everything else. With your love and attention the baby with thrive. And they learn so much from siblings, who also bathe them in attention. Let go of the comparisons and focus on what you have - healthy kids

I’d change the nursery to a more attentive one if you’re not happy with it

There will be plenty of people who feel the same way about you as you do about your friend. 'Look at StopComparing with her 2 healthy children, lovely husband, both with professional jobs and close friendships. I wish I was that lucky'. Comparison is the thief of joy. We all do it and I feel exactly like you some days. It will pass and the more I focus on what I have, rather than what my friends have, the better I feel. Be kind to yourself.

This. Every family has its challenges, you might think everything is 'perfect' but you have no idea behind closed doors. You're doing your family a disservice wasting headspace comparing yourselves. Lots of people would love two healthy children.

I honestly don't understand these threads.. You don't sound "chuffed to bits" for them at all, you are plain and simple jealous. As others have said, every family has its challenges, life is not all about money, career achievements and how soon your baby can walk. You should focus more on enjoying time with your own family and making the best of your life.