I feel like I'll never have a life set up for me again. I feel controlled by everyone else but I know deep down I've not done enough decisive moving.
I split from my children's dad 3.5 years ago. He's refused to discuss or change our living arrangements. We own a home. He won't leave. Won't entertain selling..won't support me in terms of helping me figure how me and the kids can live elsewear. I began working again in January when youngest was starting nursery. I work 4 mornings a week around the kids.
On top of all this I'm dating someone else. I have for 2.5 years. My family don't know we are involved because we dated for 5 months at first and it went wrong and they didn't like him. I've now hid the relationship since we got back together. I feel so uncomfortable with it all. If I'm totally honest it's a different kind of relationship to others. It's quite "casual" for me in terms of us ever living together etc. I dont see it ever being like that. I think we will always live apart but commited until the kids grow up. He got a puppy recently. The kids like to come down for tea once a week and they love the dog. I'd never teach them to lie. It's just so far they've not mentioned anything to my parents.
My parents intimidate me. They make me feel thick and controlled. I had therapy and she noted this. I feel like a child around them.
I feel to an extent my life is one big horrible mess and I feel controlled by everyone around me. I feel I look bad because wherever I turn I'm trying to "manage" a situation. I'd love to rent my own place but feel stuck on how I'd ever afford to. My ex cries and talks about suicide whenever I mention the house. My parents know we've separated but continue to send him birthday cards and joke about us getting back together even though they also think he was obsessed with conspiracies (he is obsessed with all the government/covid control 1%stuff) he stopped living and couldn't and still can't talk about nothing else.
Whatever I do someone isn't happy with my situation. Nobody likes my boyfriend. People judge my situation over and over. They can't see how horrible I feel. How stuck I am. How lost I am. I dont know how to find the way and I can't cope with it no more. I just want to feel at home and able to live a normal life.