Dealing with 2.5 year old tantrums

[Scutty78]

Hi everyone
I’m after some advice. We have a 2.5 year old boy who is normally a good little boy but he has become quite hard work just lately. He doesn’t like being told what to do i.e getting dressed in the mornings or getting in the car seat. He also doesn’t like being told no so he will throw whatever he is holding at the time or he will pick something up and throw it. Being first time parents we aren’t sure how to handle this. I’m, marginally, the strict one and I will put him on the naughty step until he apologises but this doesn’t seem to stop him from doing something similar again. He will also make himself sick deliberately if he can’t get his own way.

Any advice appreciated, should we ignore him when he throws things? Because I’m wondering if he enjoys the attention.

Thanks very much everyone x

Also a child making himself sick is a classic sign that he is very distressed. Probably because you are being so strict with him.

He doesn’t like being told what to do
offer a limited choice. Do you want the blue trousers or the brown ones? Do you want mummy to help you or to do it by yourself? Etc etc.

No, we don't throw things inside. Repeat. Ad nauseam.

Discipline won't work on a 2 year old, he's too young to understand much beyond his own frustrations. Try to keep calm, give him space, do not make a big deal out of anything he does that you perceive to be 'naughty', as any attention whether good or bad will definitely spur him on. It's just a case of picking your battles, role modelling calm and non reactive behaviour, and riding it out I'm afraid.

I'm glad someone else said this. Also, he makes him self sick deliberately? You seriously need to read some parenting books and some homework on child development, the way you speak about your child is problematic.

Your child is 2 years old. 2.

I agree with giving limited choices whenever possible, not responding to the attention seeking behavior and using distractions if you can. Also positive reinforcement and giving him time to adjust to changes. So a 5 minute reminder when you’re going to eat, get dressed, get in the car etc. For the car seat, tell him once he’s buckled up he can have his favorite teddy or toy, or you’ll put some kid music on etc. Tell him how great he is when he cooperates.

Your expectations are far too high for a two year old. He's little more than a baby fgs!

He doesn't have the capacity yet to understand other people's points of view or to put himself in your place.

You need to read up on child development and keep things simple. Like someone else said, give choices but only two choices.

And lots of praise and acknowledgement of positive behaviour.

Play games "who's going to be the winner and sit in their car seat nicely first?"

Who is going to be the first one to get dressed. I bet I win! Then massive groan when he wins and big up telling everyone about how clever the child is that they keep beating you at getting dressed/sitting nicely in their car seat.

@Scutty78 it sounds like things are becoming tough. Him being sick sounds quite extreme.

Have you read ‘Good Inside’? It’s a brilliant parenting book and would really help you with guidance and boundaries.

He is not of an age where you can reason with him.

You are putting high expectations on a very young child and he absolutely does not understand what you are doing is punishing him for something he has done, all he is feeling is that you are being cruel to him.

Your expectations of a 2 year old are way off. At this age, he needs help to understand emotions, both good and bad. He needs to be told over and over in a mater of fact way that it’s okay to feel sad/angry/disappointed but he must not be physical. Remove him from the situation if he risks hurting himself or others then get on with your day. He won’t get it now but it’ll set the foundations for when he is older. I’m not sure the naughty step works for any age child, but there is no way a 2 year old has enough understanding of cause and effect for it to be meaningful. Same with the forced apologies. Alongside being disingenuous it’s also pointless. It’s a bit concerning you think a 2 year old could make themselves sick on purpose. I think the books ‘the whole brain child’ and ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’ might be a good start for you to have more of an idea of normal childhood development.

@LondonLass91 social services for the naughty step how ridiculous!!! I think you just need to be a little more patient OP and teach him about these day to day tasks as opposed to disciplining him for saying no

Also, distraction when things are getting tricky. If he's about to throw a wobbly, look dramatically outside at the sky and say something like "did you see that flying pig? Where did that come from?" Let's see if we can see if it's flown over there...[pointing far off into the distance].

As long as he is safe, stay calm, let him get it out of system and calmly repeat - I’m here for a cuddle when you are ready. He’s not being naughty, he’s being two. He’ll do this less as he gets older but still use same system when needed with five year old although it’s far less frequent these days - never used a naughty step (and she can be a handful) but she takes herself to her room these days when things get too much before coming back for a hug.

I thought this site was for advice not for criticising one another! You are obviously the perfect parent!

All of us?? I think there's plenty of advice in this thread and you would really benefit from accepting you might have (understandably as a ftp) been misguided up until now.

Thanks to anyone who wrote the helpful messages. But I definitely won’t be asking for advice on here again!

Naughty step is lame /pointless imo

Also If your child is getting sick something is going wildly wrong.

Read how to talk so little people listen.

other advice:

Don't be too prescriptive. I let my DD play while I dress herand follow her round the playroom like an idiot on my hands and knees. She's happy, she's dressed, I'm happy. My DH will "make" her get dressed and persist in wrestling her clothes on like an idiot while she screams and throws his glasses on the floor 🤷‍♀️ she's stressed, she's dressed, he is annoyed his glasses are broken...again.

Forced choice is a good way to get dressed/do most things
"Blue or red socks?"
"Do you want to put socks or trousers on first,"

"Resets" where i stop soothe/hug/calm my child are useful. I do this if they are upset or starting a tantrum. I deep breathe and empathise with them. It helps them regulate themselves

Do you see the issue here? You've told us that when you try to discipline your 2 year old he gets so distressed he 'makes himself' sick...and when people question your parenting your response is to metaphorically throw your toys out the pram. You are your son's biggest role model, listen to the advice and change the way you are parenting him.

I certainly didn’t feel like the perfect parent today when overtired she screamed at me then shut herself in her room but you make your own judgement when what people are trying to say is, it’s normal and you just need to work out how to handle it as it’s a long road and you just need to work out a consistent strategy that minimises the distress for everyone.