Ex pressuring me to close cms claim

[Hamsterfluff]

Ex is a twat. He owes around 700 in child maintenance and it has now moved to enforcement stage. They called me to ask if I would like to proceed with enforcement and when I asked what that entailed, they told me they would look for bank accounts, check hmrc records, etc. He received a letter last week and it turns out they can take his passport and driving licence and even send him to prison! He's now raging and said that I've ruined his life, have got what I wanted all along, and how do I feel sending the dcs father to prison 🤨

Now the logical side of me knows this is all his own fault and if he's stupid enough to get himself sent to prison then so be it. However, I really don't want him to go to prison. He's a selfish, arrogant, narcissistic twat that wouldn't do well in prison and would end up getting a kicking. He's also spiralling atm and owes money all over the place and is currently homeless. What should I do? Would he have a criminal record if he went to prison for this? I'm tempted to just close the claim and leave him too it.

Prison is a last resort. Ignore his guilt tripping and let CMS do their job.

I don’t know why they’re even asking you. They should be doing that automatically. He should pay up or face the consequences.

Tell him no he needs to put his efforts into sorting himself out instead of harassing you due to his shitty behaviour.

He's not going to prison. They aren't taking his passport. It never happens it's just empty threats. He should pay what he owes. This is a him problem not a you problem.

Obviously don't tell the twat this. He needs to sort himself out and pay what he owes.

In the highly unlikely event that he did go to prison, or lose passport it is nothing to do with your actions and 100% to do with his. He is the only one who can fix this and that fix should not include pressuring you. Tell him it is between him and the CMS and refuse to discuss it further.

Why would you close the claim? It’s nothing to do with you if he decides not to pay. There are consequences to our actions, maybe it would be good for your children if their dad was aware of that. Realistically they’re just worst case scenario threats too, they’re unlikely to happen. Maybe it’s good for him to worry though and think about how important this is.
He owes your children, he created them and he at least needs to attempt to provide for them. I imagine the money he owes is only a fraction of what you’re spending on them, but you don’t have the option of backing out. Why should he.

Yeah don't tell him this. If he got into debt over another bill would it be your responsibility? Of course not, cms is his responsibility, it should be thought of as a priority bill like council tax.

You are all right. I needed some sense talked into me.

He's guilt tripping you, he won't go to prison, he just needs to do the right thing and pay! Let the CMS do their job and leave him to it.

Well done for realising this is not your doing OP. He would be sending himself to prison, if it even came to that which it won’t. If you wanted to be nice you could suggest that he sets up a payment plan with cms to pay the debt.

CMS are bloody useless. If he's not self employed they will just take it from his wages.

Claim your money for your DC.

He needs to face the consequences of his actions for once in his life, otherwise there is no hope of any change. He's probably lying to you as well about some aspects of the situation. Just leave the CMS to it.

If the CMS say he owes this money, then he's earned it but refused to pay up. He's cheated your DC and you're not doing them any favours if you let him get away with this.

You are very very lucky that CMS have moved to enforcement so quickly. Don’t you DARE withdraw the claim - he just needs to pay up now ( and pay on time in future ) and it will all go away.

This is money for his child, it’s not for you. You need it to keep a roof over your child’s head.

Don't stop it.

My ex tried to get me to stop, even threatened to give up work. Told him go ahead, he never did.

he’s gaslighting you. this is all of his own doing

He told me he's been out of work for the last 4 months and only been doing cash in hand jobs here and there. According to cms calculations he should pay £50 per week. Would the debt build up if he's out of work? Would they know immediately if he's not working (presuming he hasn't told either)?