Hi sorry to chat xmas so early
but just wondering what options would be best for this situation and what others have/do do in terms of family
Mil Is alone now widowed in pat few years (however they had kind of seperated years before this , but a very complicated volatile relationship caused by both of them)
she’s a very manipulative and passive aggressive and emotionally blackmail type of person but despite that I think means well she dotes on her sons 3 of them and her grandchildren (ours and one other son has kids) one son lives abroad 12 hour flight and in contact with no one except a Skype twice a year on Xmas and birthdays to his mum
we live two hours drive away from her and other brother with other children has moved from a three hour drive to a six hour drive so they only see her twice a year now
my dh is her youngest son and is shall I say probably closest he says he feels sad she’s alone and responsible for her!
I don’t like her due to her behaviour over the years we have been together she doesn’t like not being in control and she tries to take over at every opportunity
since we have had children in last few years she became over bearing and tried to take over everything she was turning up and staying with us all weekend every week! I had a word with dh and he managed to sort it out to monthly visits but she’d purposely leave items she needed in pretence of having to come back another day
i had a fall out with her as she took my children to see Santa last year and then gave them presents on Christmas Eve telling when she was supposed to be doing us a favour by babysitting as we’d gone to pick up the presents in preparation for Xmas she also bought and gave them that day specific gifts that we had arranged to buy and gave them the next day on the actual Xmas day she did all this without asking us and I was so upset that I had a massive row with her and we fell out however she still stayed over despite this and basically ignored me the entire day of silent treatment I kept quiet during the day as didn’t want to spoil it for the children
I had stern words with my dh and said he needed to stop this whatever it was total lack of respect for me and my home I said he could leave with her on Boxing Day and not come back as I’d had enough of it she tried to say I was being rude and mean to her and started crying and left saying that we didn’t want her in our lives
i left it and no contact at all! She took the initiative and messaged regarding our dc birthday and sent presents and my dh spoke with her a few times but no invitation to come see us until summer we had decided that we would give her one more chance to see if she would change as the dc do enjoying her company etc
so she came and to be fair was very well behaved and since then a few more visits of short time not all day and very friendly to me and she is making a good effort I can’t complain
however we usually have the pleasure of her company every Xmas (other than two in the past decade) so my wwyd
is a) give her the chance to carry on her best behaviour and have a family xmas with her at our home
b) say no we are not this year let one of his brothers have her
c) say we will go to her this year then we have the power to leave when we see fit?
or any other suggestions that others may have?? We are two hours drive apart from her, other sons are over seas and six hours away
she has one friend locally to her
and one great aunt that lives half an hour away
otherwise no one else
thank you for reading and sorry it’s long just wanted to give a bit of background information obviously there’s a lot more but hopefully this will help